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If he doesn't ask me soon I'm gonna freak!

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Guest
If he doesn't ask me soon I'm gonna freak!
Posted: May 6, 2006 6:59 PM

Okay, save your time telling me that sounds horrible because I know it does. Heres the thing: my boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We know we need each other in life and want to get married. He got some extra money from his parents in January and we decided to go ring shopping. I thought it would only take a month or two for him to ask me. He said he wanted an Oct. wedding and I agreed as long as I would have around six months to plan the wedding. Now I am down to five months, and since we want to have an outdoor wedding, I am getting so nervous about reserving a tent. In March he had made a comment that if I needed five months to plan it, I didn't need to worry. Now, I don't know what he was talking about because we are past the five month mark. It drives me crazy, he is the one that wanted to get married in Oct. and then I got my hopes up for it because I bought a house and it makes since financially. Any advice on how to keep patient?? Does it really take that long to get a ring? Do you think I can plan an outdoor wedding in less than five months?? Ahhhh I am already a worried mess and I am not even engaged.

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Guest
Re: If he doesn't ask me soon I'm gonna freak!
Posted: May 6, 2006 8:55 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Have you considered that perhaps he's wanting a proposal to still be something of a surprise despite talking about it and planning for it a little? Unless you flat out ask him what he's thinking in terms of timeline and such, there's really no way to tell. It's also possible that he thought about it, and then decided he just wasn't ready to ask when he originally thought he would for whatever reason. It may disappoint you but October of '07 may have started to look better to him than this year's.

Going ring shopping/looking is fantastic but doesn't guarantee an immediately imminent proposal; my fiancee and I started casually wandering into jewelry stores almost 6 mos before he asked, maybe more, and continued to "shop" at least once a month! When he did propose, I found out he'd only bought the ring the day before. You know your boyfriend and your relationship best so you have 2 choices: you can take the dates he's thrown out with a grain of salt, continue with life as usual and NOT do any planning until you're engaged OR you can remind him of those comments he made and ask what's up.  If you do the latter, though, try not to make a huge deal out of the discussion; he's likely to feel cornered and pressured and a forced proposal is not what you want.

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myra Posts : 5,555 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: If he doesn't ask me soon I'm gonna freak!
Posted: May 7, 2006 3:30 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Well, I may be really out of touch here, but he HAS asked you--a ring does not a proposal make. That being said, you need to communicate. If things are not happening as previously planned, you have every right to find out what's going on.

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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Guest
Re: If he doesn't ask me soon I'm gonna freak!
Posted: May 7, 2006 4:48 PM Go to message in response to: myra

That's just the thing, it seems like we are engaged, but without the ring. None of this would bother me except I know there is a realistic timeline in planning a wedding. I need a certain amount of time to get it all done, hopefully the way we really want it. 2007 is very unlikely, and we communicate very clearly so I would know if he changed his mind. The problem is, yes, I don't want him to feel pressured. But I am starting to get so impatient. Sometimes he waits till the last minute on things, but this seems beyond the last minute. Oh well, I am done complaining, hopefully it will happen soon. :)

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NowMrsMark Posts : 118 Registered: 4/25/06
Re: If he doesn't ask me soon I'm gonna freak!
Posted: May 8, 2006 9:06 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

     I understand what you're going through also!  We are "emotionally engaged", no ring yet.  We are going to get married, Jan 20 2007, but he's waiting to get extra OT at work to save up and buy a "big" ring.  We have pretty much everything all planned out, on paper, on what we want for our wedding.  It's odd though booking stuff without "the ring" and every once in a while I ask "we are getting married in January, right?" 

     Another thing I'm having a dilema with, I don't like calling him my "boyfriend", as we are more than that.  And, seeing as we don't have "the ring" we can't call each other financee.  We've decided future husband/wife pretty much sums it up.

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Re: If he doesn't ask me soon I'm gonna freak!
Posted: May 9, 2006 9:29 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I completly understand where you are coming from.  My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 1/2 years.  We have talked about getting married a lot and really wanted to do it August of 2006.  I moved to Lafayette Indiana and he moved up here as well, to be close to me.  Since then, which was last fall, he has been trying to find a job and get enough money to buy a ring.  It is not a question of getting married, it is a question of when.  I think about it a lot but I feel that I can't set anyhting in stone or really make committments to any decision until I have the ring.  However, I won't get a ring until he gets a job ... becuase he wants to "do it right"  in his words.  I respect him for that and trust that eventually he will buy a ring and propose.  But, I am so frustrated.  We talked and since it is now May, we won't really have time to plan a wedding if he proposes soon.  So, now we have pushed the wedding idea "date" to April of 2007.  I want to start planning so bad but I feel like I am pressuring him untill I get the ring.  I am also wanting to start booking places and poeple so I can researve the wedding date.  But, again, I can't do that untill I have a definite date, and I don't have that until he proposes, and that won't happen till he gets a job.  And, he has been trying to do that for a year now.  He is a freelance graphic designer and he is having a lot of trouble getting a job.  Ahhhhh ... I am just so frustrated but I can't vent anyhting to him becuase I dont' want to make him feel bad or somethign like that.  Well, hahah ... thanks for letting me vent.  In any way ... I know where you are coming from. 

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Guest
Re: If he doesn't ask me soon I'm gonna freak!
Posted: May 9, 2006 11:49 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

That is funny because my situation was very similiar.  Many of my boyfriends friends were engaged and he said they put the ring on a credit card and wouldn't do that.  He also wanted to do it the "right way" but hadn't graduated or gotten a "real" job at that time.  After he graduated his parents gave him a nice amount of money and he used that.  I was fine with that, because he was working two jobs and that money was the solution to the problem.  I would commend your boyfriend for wanting to make it special and buy your ring with his hard earned money.  BUT, I know how frustrating it is the longer you have been talking about it.  My advice to you, sincc he doesn't have the ring or money yet, is to hold off a little on the planning.  There is probably a small chance even April will be too soon, you never know how long it could take him to save.  Hopefully that won't happen, and then you can start planning when you know he is thinking about getting a ring.  I think it is more than possible to plan a wedding in six months.  In November if you don't see anything coming I would have a long talk with him about if April is realistic and if it is, I would start at it.

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Guest
Re: If he doesn't ask me soon I'm gonna freak!
Posted: May 9, 2006 11:55 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Hey ... thanks for the advice! It's nice to know that other girls are in the similar situation and offer advice.  Thanks again!

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Guest
Re: If he doesn't ask me soon I'm gonna freak!
Posted: May 9, 2006 12:15 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

To all those girls who can relate to my not engaged yet thread.  Can you believe what another message board member wrote to one of my posts????  Tell me if you think this was incredibly rude.

Lizbeth, don't take this the wrong way, but why are you hanging around "Brides.com" message boards if you're not engaged?  Have you and your boyfriend talked about getting engaged or are you just hoping to get a ring soon?

I don't mind that you post here--the more the merrier!--just wondering what draws you to these particular boards if you're not planning a wedding.

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Guest
Re: If he doesn't ask me soon I'm gonna freak!
Posted: May 9, 2006 1:03 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I can sympathize, because my FH and I talked about getting married months before we got engaged.  Of course, we aren't planning to get married for quite a long while, so it didn't really matter.  It just left me wondering when he'd ask.,

I don't think that the poster had rude intentions when she posted that.  The only information you gave her in that post was that you weren't engaged yet (It was the dream post, right?).  It's natural to be curious about why someone would be here if she's not engaged yet.  Not to mention she said several times throughout the post that she wasn't trying to be rude.


Message was edited by ConfuzzledTrish on May 9, 2006 1:05 PM

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Guest
Re: If he doesn't ask me soon I'm gonna freak!
Posted: May 9, 2006 3:39 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I know she mentioned in there that she didn't want me to take it the wrong way.  But, it's kinda of hard not to.  I mean, I have already talked to tons of girls who aren't technically engaged, don't have a ring but know it is coming and are planning. This website and these boards are just as much for a girl planning without a ring as a girl planning with.  I thought her inquiring if I had a ring or not was just rude.

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LadyBugBride Posts : 533 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: If he doesn't ask me soon I'm gonna freak!
Posted: May 10, 2006 9:30 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Have you considered that he didn't mean this October? I know how you feel too. We actually bought my ring on July 5th and he didn't propose until September 6th. He waited till we were on vacation in my parent's hometown in Europe. I thought I was going to go crazy, but in the end it was perfect.

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NatSeptBride Posts : 889 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: If he doesn't ask me soon I'm gonna freak!
Posted: May 11, 2006 10:19 AM Go to message in response to: LadyBugBride

I know that it can be frustrating... However trust me when I say that a proposal is sooooo much better when it's a surprise!!  Fh and I got engaged last March 26, 2005 ... I was shocked and wouldn't have it any other way.. A very good friend of ours had a gf for around the same time fh and I had been together at that point, and she was very upset with the fact that we had gotten engaged, and her bf hadn't asked her.  She kept asking me all the time whether or not I thought that he thinks she is "the one" I told her to relax, I knew he would ask, but every time she asked him about it, he postponed asking because he wanted it to be a surprise.  It drove her nuts, they had never looked at rings or anything, but she literally had the whole wedding planned, she had actually called reception facilities for availability, and they had never discussed marriage.. Outside of the yes I would like to get married conversation, but not like what would you like our wedding to be like... She had a guest list, everything.. She was starting to drive him nuts... All of his friends knew that he loved her, but also knew that he wasn't ready to take that step, and that he was literally being forced into it just to get her to leave him alone.  As sad as that sounds....  Well he finally asked her, and even now she's not happy, she's planned her wedding for 2 and a half weeks after ours, but she's pissed that nobody asks to see her ring.  I mean the list of things with this couple goes on.. But what I'm trying to say is, don't let it consume your whole thought process.. I know that it can be tough, and that you want it so bad sometimes it's hard not to think of it, but don't turn into this girl... The last thing you want is your fh proposing when he's not ready to.  And again maybe he wants it to be a SURPRISE, let him do it the way he wants to do it, and just try to be patient.. This is a very huge and hard step for men to take... So let him do it his way... In the meantime, talk to him about the future, ask him again when he wants to get married, how soon he wants that to happen, what he wants it to be like.... Maybe discussing the details, will make him more anxious.. Good luck

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Guest
Re: If he doesn't ask me soon I'm gonna freak!
Posted: May 11, 2006 12:01 PM Go to message in response to: NatSeptBride

Thank you for the advice.  You are absolutely right, I do not want to be that way at all!  I have calmed down a lot in the last few days.  We talked about the tent and the catering situation and as long as I feel I can get everything done in five months I don't care when he asks.  He just wanted me to wait on planning anything before we got engaged and that is too hard when you are planning on a short engagement.  So, I am very content and think it might happen in the next few weeks, but I'm not worried.  I actually think he is talking to my dad today at lunch.  So something is going on :)

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Guest
Re: If he doesn't ask me soon I'm gonna freak!
Posted: May 12, 2006 11:30 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I hope you were right.  So what did happen yesterday at lunch between your FH & your dad?

I understand that he wants to get married in October, but planning things like this take TIME.  And depending on when he proposes, dictates when you'll be able to get married.  And if the proposal doesn't allow enough time to have a beautiful fall wedding, put your heads together and strategize!

Sitting there stressing about it doesn't help the situation.  It only makes you feel worse.  Take everything in stride & when it happens, it happens.  Only then can you really get the ball rolling.  But I wouldn't start to do any SERIOUS planning until you get that ring, girl!

Best of luck to you!

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