OT - Sex

Online Users: 1,326 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 39
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Re: OT - Sex
Posted: May 6, 2006 8:41 AM Go to message in response to: newsjunkie

I completely agree with masturbation and/ or watching porn... that is a very good way to learn what you want. I have also had probs with my libido due to the pill and antidepressants. It sucks but you can still be turned on... you just have to figure out what turns you on. The thought of sex may not... but there are sometimes non-sexual things that just trigger that inner cave woman that just makes you (and i apologize for the way i put this) wanna jump his bones. Like for me, all my fh has to do is give me what we call a "good kiss" one of those passionate, stirs your soul kinda kisses and im ready to go! Just experiment and I think it'll come back to you... but def talk to your doc. 

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Guest
Re: OT - Sex
Posted: May 6, 2006 9:36 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I thought of a couple more things.  Your testerone level could be low.  Women have it too, only in lower doses.  I have read of women using the testerone patch and they think of sex all the time.  - weird.  I wish you were in the Dallas area, I could send you to my great OBGYN.  Another book you could try is "60 minute orgasm".  I think people can get into a rut when alone, and this book gives you some suggestions.  I haven't read it all, but I do remember one where you touched yourself one place, e.g. nipples, and imagined being touched someplace else.  Eventually, the new place is more sensitive, and I can now come close just by having my nipples touched. 

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Re: OT - Sex
Posted: May 6, 2006 10:29 AM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

Age has very little to do with it, IMO. Whether you're 21, 41, or 61, if YOU feel you're not having the sexual libido that you should then that's more than enough reason to bring it up to a Dr. When I was 21 myself, my Dr inadvertently switched my birth control pill to something that was supposed to be "same thing, different pkg". It wasn't. It took me 8 mos of a disappearing libido to figure out something might be wrong. When I mentioned it to him, he said, "Oh, yeah, that pill DOES get that complaint a bit..." (?!?!?!?!)

Another thing to consider regarding the whole "sexual peak" for women: yes, part of it is due to biological clocks and such, but a lot of new studies have suggested that it often takes women UNTIL they're in their late 20s and early 30s to figure out what works for them sexually (by nature and by nurture -- i.e. societal influences -- we're not the easiest creatures to get to comfortably climax) ... and when they do, watch out!! LOL!

It's positive to note that you recognize SOMEthing is different that allows you enjoy sex more with your fiancee. Pay attention to whatever those cues are and go with it. Also, you may want to do a little investigatory research into a certain buzzing & humming little toy... If you've never really done much "exploring" on your own, that could really help you to figure out certain things you like, and rather quickly too! Most importantly, keep the dialogue with your FH open. Many women do NOT climax from just sex; they enjoy it, yes, but you're right that it often takes additional foreplay or other things to get them there. Try to be "seductively" vocal when he does something right; it's one of the fastest ways to get him to do it again!

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Guest
Re: OT - Sex
Posted: May 6, 2006 11:46 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I was totally going to bring up the same thing that Julie did - good advice! Don't feel bad that you're 21 and having these problems. Nobody will think you're impatient at all! You deserve to have the mind-blowing sex with your FH/DH no matter how old you are (ok, except maybe at 100, that probably won't happen 

) so see your doctor and do what you gotta do to get it!

I definitely have heard that antidepressents can lower your libido. So when I was on them I talked to my doctor for awhile and I told him that having sex with my FH really helps relax me and makes me feel better, so I wanted to really make sure that I wasn't on anything that would mess that up. Don't be shy about talking to him/her about it.

Another thing is that I was really surprised at how much being on birth control lowered my libido. Actually, right before I met my FH I swore off men and I was going to concentrate on my career and I went off the pill, and I became this raving horn-ball! So talk to your gyno too!

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NatSeptBride Posts : 888 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: OT - Sex
Posted: May 6, 2006 2:20 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

If you're on antidepressants that could most likely be the problem.  I've known quite a few people who have had that problem due to antidepressants.  I would talk to your doctor about it, he/she could probably put you on an alternative medication with less side affects.  Also if your on the birth control pill, that could do it to.. All in all I would suggest talking to your dr.  Good Luck.

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Guest
Re: OT - Sex
Posted: May 6, 2006 3:26 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I'm so glad I'm not alone on this one!  I feel the same way as scottandcaitlin... I just am never in the mood anymore!  I just don't want it... when I do get into it, it's good.. but I just can't get myself to want it.  And my FH doesn't want me to do it if I don't want to (which is sweet of him) but I feel bad because I know he wants it a lot more than me.  I have been in the process of changing pills w/my doc and have been on Yasmin, Ortho-Lo, and now I'm on Ovcon.  I just can't wait until we get married so I can go off of it completely!!  I am really hoping the pill has something to do with it, because I used to want it all the time....

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Guest
Re: OT - Sex
Posted: May 6, 2006 3:44 PM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

Don't feel bad BirdLover...I'm not that sexual a person either.  My problem with it came from the whole feeling of having to "perform on demand"...I spend Saturday nights at my FH's apartment (I live with my parents) and I often felt like I had to psych myself up to have sex that night.  We talked about it, and he totally accepts and has no problem with my low sex drive...maybe I'm crazy, but I'd rather cook dinner or watch a movie with my FH or go out for ice cream, or even talk a walk around the neighborhood than lay in bed having sex.   

What also doesn't help is that I suffer from SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder.  So In the winter, not only am I mildly depressed, but I have not even a hint of sexual desire. It gets better in the spring into summer.  It's all my emotions. I met him last spring, and we started sleeping together in the summer, so my emotions and moods were great and my depression was hibernating.  But when the late fall and winter approached, I really had to learn to communicate better with him about what was going on with my body.

I think what's most important is to communicate and talk with your FH.  My FH and I are abstaining from sex for the last 6 months until our wedding, and it's really helped me...I don't feel like I HAVE to have sex with him when I stay overnight becuase I only see him one night a week. 

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Guest
Re: OT - Sex
Posted: May 6, 2006 3:50 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

The medication absolutely has a part in it.  More so than age or any other biological factor!  I'm also wondering (you don't have to answer), how you're doing with depression lately?  Do you have a lot of stressful things going on right now that might be aggravating the depression?  The depression is what I would work on first, the books and porn and other stuff is great advice, but if the depression isn't under control, then the other stuff won't help much. 

Again, you don't have to get into it with us about your personal history, I'm just throwing out questions to consider.  If you are seeing a weekly therapist, thats fantastic, but if you're getting your medication from a psychiatrist that you only meet with once a month (like a lot of people do), I would strongly consider getting a regular therapist to talk to. 

Good luck!  I hope we've been helpful.

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Guest
Re: OT - Sex
Posted: May 6, 2006 4:11 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Me too, DeBride.  My FH (he's a nurse) thinks if I switch to a diff. kind of pill it will get better (going on just progestorone, instead of the pills with both), but I am afraid to do that until after the wedding, just in case.  It's nice to know I'm not just a wierdo...

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Guest
Re: OT - Sex
Posted: May 6, 2006 8:56 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

This post has made me feel so much better!  I thought it was crazy that I'm 27 and have no sex drive.  It's been like this for me since I went on Depo about 4 years ago.  Also, to make things worse, I'm "dry" down there and it hurts to have sex right at the beginning.  It's hard to work yourself up to this when you know it's going to hurt. FH is totally understanding.  He never pushes me.  But I still feel guilty - always making excuses.

I find that porn is helpful in getting me going sometimes.  Not that FH alone isn't enough, it's just different.  We have a couple of toys too.

Sometimes FH asks me to "help out" by touching myself (a lot of guys find this a turn on). This way, you can find the places which work best for you and you can teach him.

I really hope things get better for you!

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Guest
Re: OT - Sex
Posted: May 6, 2006 9:41 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I am usually "dry" too... we've found that KY is a big help ;)  I just hope that my FH doesn't think that he's getting into that whole stereotypical no-sex-now-that-we're-married type thing.  Do you know what I mean? 

****Funny story.... I've tried buying sexy lingerie lately to make me feel sexy and more in "the mood"...... so our apartment burned down about two weeks ago, which was bad enough, but then my mom, dad, and my FH's stepmom came down the day after to help us get things out of the apt and wash all of our clothes to see if we could get the smoke out.  Not thinking, I let them go to the laundrymat without me and guess what they found??  EEK!  Can you imagine your FMIL finding all of your sexy underwear, AND your mother finding it too?  SO EMBARASSING!  But, it's funny because at a time like that, our privacy was so exposed we were kind of numb to it all and it wasn't that big of a deal.  My mom was like, "who ARE you??" hahah... OH YEAH, and my FFIL saw some bunny ears in the closet that were kind of smokey and wet and he apparently said to my FH, "do you want to keep these?"  {{{{{blush}}}}}}

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: OT - Sex
Posted: May 7, 2006 12:22 AM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

Phew..I am not alone.

To whoever asked...I don't feel that I am under a lot of stress,  my depression is under control, etc.  This is just a common occurance...there's only one way I really get off, and it involves water * blushes and giggles*.  Now HOW do you duplicate that during sex?

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gemini5241980 Posts : 426 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: OT - Sex
Posted: May 7, 2006 12:55 AM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

Saw that on Sex in the city years ago Birdlover ( about the water thing) not sure how to duplicate that in the bedroom though. Try sex in the shower maybe that might work.

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Guest
Re: OT - Sex
Posted: May 7, 2006 1:03 AM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

Sex in the shower?  The ultimate watersport! Not the most practical of things, but when we used to go at it like bunnies, it was kind of fun and different.

*Thanx for putting this post up.  It sounds bad, but I guess knowing other people are suffering the same fate you are helps you feel not so bad about yourself!  And never would have felt comfortable talking about this in person to anyone besides my FH.

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newsjunkie Posts : 3,417 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: OT - Sex
Posted: May 7, 2006 11:46 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

SaraC- I was on Depo for years, too, and lately had been having painful intercourse.  I went to my OB/GYN and she said I probably didn't have enough estrogen down there.  She said she could prescribe an estrogen suppository to use or I could go on the Nuva Ring.  I chose the Nuva Ring.  It is a small clear plastic ring that you insert inside yourself.  You wear it for 3 weeks at a time and then take it out for a week for your period.  Since I am so spoiled by not having my period on the Depo she said I can just wear the Nuva Ring straight through and I won't get my period.  It is all the same hormones but they get delivered right where they need to be and it has been a huge help.  FH and I take it out before we have sex because it feels weird to me and him to leave it in but it can be out of you for up to 3 hours with no problems!

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