The Whole Story

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katiemae1985 Posts : 449 Registered: 3/28/06
The Whole Story
Posted: Apr 20, 2006 7:36 AM

I want to lay the whole story out there.

Back in high school we went through a rough patch and had what he interpreted as an undefined relationship (I assumed we were still a couple). Well one of my mom’s co-workers said something about her pregnant daughter was going to prom with Rob B. and how nice it was that he would take a pregnant girl. My mom was like “Uhh my daughter is also going to Prom with him”. I confronted him, he apologized and we went to Prom. I blamed myself for getting mad because I had obviously misunderstood the boundaries in that period of our relationship.

We fought on and off but never anything major, I’d get upset when he wouldn’t call for a few days or when I couldn’t get a hold of him I’d get nervous remembering the Prom incident. Well our relationship progressed and we got engaged. I was thrilled. I loved Rob. He made me laugh and had the same crazy humor I did. We didn’t pick a date for about 2 years but ideas and such were coming together the whole time. We had a rough patch in our engagement when Rob dropped out of college and had no job. We cooled but never completely broke up. I stopped wearing the ring but Rob would call and tell me how much he loved me and was trying to get a job etc. When he joined the Marine Corps I was terrified of losing him and decided to put the ring back on.

When he got discharged, he wanted to get married right away. We picked our date (April 22) and started diving in the planning and house hunting. We bought a house (my name only on the title) and started making it our home. We attended about 6 weeks of premarital counseling and that really helped the rough spots for a while.

Fast forward to Tuesday. He came to work to sign some papers and said that we needed to talk later. I said “Just say it” because I could tell what he was going to say. He said the whole “I think we should wait, I can’t do it” part and I said that it was probably cold feet. We agreed to talk later that night. I called our pastor and arranged to meet with him. Meanwhile, later that afternoon Rob called and said that I was right, it was just cold feet. We would be getting married on Saturday as planned. Well we went to the pastor and a lot came out. Rob said that he did not think counseling would help us and that he agreed to get married (calling it cold feet) only because he didn’t want to make me upset. He wanted to postpone but admitted he wasn’t sure he would ever be ready. Well I said that I couldn’t trust after that and gave the ring back.

Yesterday my sister came home from school and said that this girl had been dating this boy named Rob who was getting married in a few days (she had known the girl was dating this Rob for a few weeks but didn’t put it all together) but was pretty excited because he broke up with his fiancé. THEN she Rob picking that girl AND HER BABY up from school. I am devastated. Wrecked.

There is so much going through my mind. But it does explain the loose ends and sometimes mysterious actions of Rob. I guess what really hurts is the fact that he didn’t want to have kids for about 10+ years but he will date someone else who has a child.

We are over. I can’t trust after 2 times.

Thanks for the love and support.

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071707 Posts : 313 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: The Whole Story
Posted: Apr 20, 2006 7:48 AM Go to message in response to: katiemae1985

Oh, you poor thing. What a horrible thing for him to do. What a Ba***rd. I hope that you can forget him and move forward.

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Guest
Re: The Whole Story
Posted: Apr 20, 2006 8:20 AM Go to message in response to: katiemae1985

oh, honey!! i'm so sorry....but you know you deserve better. he's a loser. he couldn't married cuz he felis like an ass for cheating on you, which he is....i'm so sorry, Katie

Emily and Jon

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Guest
Re: The Whole Story
Posted: Apr 20, 2006 8:45 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Katie, I am so sorry you've been treated so badly. I hope you realize that this is for the best. You will be so much better off without someone like that. Always know that you can come here for support. Please let us know if we can do anything for you.

Nicki

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Guest
Re: The Whole Story
Posted: Apr 20, 2006 9:19 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Katie,  I really sorry this is all happening to you now. BUT it is for the best.  Rob is a man who will never, ever change.  I think he doesn't even feel remorse for what he did.  Throughout your relationship he looked for weak spots which he could use to his advantage.    He wasn't really to get married, b/c he won't ever stop being a cheater.   Remember, better to break up before the wedding, then to go through a messy divorce or to live with someone who will treat you like that. 

Find yourself.  Get stronger and figure out what you want in a relationship.  Learn from this and when you find the right man, happily plan a marriage. 

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Guest
Re: The Whole Story
Posted: Apr 20, 2006 9:34 AM Go to message in response to: katiemae1985

That's awful, Katie!  I'm so sorry.  What kind of girl "dates" someone knowing he is getting married in a few days?  Sweetie, I know it might be hard to believe this now, but you are soooo better off without him, and I am sure you will meet a man someday who will treat you right.

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RomanticGirl Posts : 777 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: The Whole Story
Posted: Apr 20, 2006 9:41 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

So it was definitely more than cold feet and thank God you eneded it. Smart girl. Especially since he was willing to go through with it, it took a lot of strength for you to end it.  You really are better off without him: "it takes a mighty good man to be better than no man at all".

(btw, be careful about including his last name. it could open some other problems. maybe even legally? not sure though...)

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Guest
Re: The Whole Story
Posted: Apr 20, 2006 9:51 AM Go to message in response to: katiemae1985

Katie, I'm so, so sorry you had to go through something like this. My heart goes out to you.

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NatSeptBride Posts : 888 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: The Whole Story
Posted: Apr 20, 2006 10:03 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but like the other girls said it's probably for the best.  Be glad that you caught this now, before you actually married him.  I wish you the best for the future, and I'm going to quote Dr.Phil here,"Past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour!!"  Remember that for the future, it's very very true. 

Good Luck!!

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Guest
Re: The Whole Story
Posted: Apr 20, 2006 10:37 AM Go to message in response to: katiemae1985

Gosh that must be tough.  I can't imagine going through a marriage ceremony with someone knowing that he was just doing it so I would save face in front of my friends and family, knowing he didn't want to get married.  Is there any chance it is his child? 

Megan

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Guest
Re: The Whole Story
Posted: Apr 20, 2006 11:00 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Megan that is exactly what i was thinking.

I hate to be the negative one here...but is it possible that he cheated on you a long time ago and the baby is actually his? 

Now you know to cut your ties to this man and take a cool of period before you start dating again.  I am so sorry for you!

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Guest
Re: The Whole Story
Posted: Apr 20, 2006 11:01 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

He stinks.

Is the same girl who was going to go to prom with him?

Don't worry-you know what she is getting. Her life will stink.

The pain of being alone is better then the pain of being in a bad relationship. Rest and then go find yourself a better man.

Also, congratulations on not being a stupid girl and doing the smart thing. When you do find Mr. Right, you will be so glad you didn't marry this Rob.

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

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Guest
Re: The Whole Story
Posted: Apr 20, 2006 12:14 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

chin up not that it will help to hear, but you deserve better!!!! and you will find him yet.

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Guest
Re: The Whole Story
Posted: Apr 20, 2006 12:25 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

A few years down the road, when you find a man who is completely smitten with you and respects and loves you the way you deserve, all of this pain will have begun to fade into the past and you will look back with great relief that you escaped just in time!

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Guest
Re: The Whole Story
Posted: Apr 20, 2006 12:37 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

KatieMae, you will go through the stages of loss here: shock/devistation, anger, sadness, etc.  But eventually, time will heal you and though I know you don't want to hear it now or may not believe it now, you WILL be better off.  From what I can tell, you are young, have a good head on your shoulders, own your own home, have an education, strong faith etc. so you will be just fine.  Being that you're young, take this time to explore who you are since you have had him attached to you during your most developmental years of high school and college.  Go out with friends and decide what Katie likes with ONLY Katie's opinion that matters so that you are 100% sure of what you like and what you want out of life and when Mr. Right does come along, he is going to get one heck of a prize.  And, in the meantime, as my mother always said "the best revenge is to live well"  I promise you, one day, you'll look back on this and say "THANK GOD."  Good luck honey!

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