Cold Feet or break-up? - UPDATE

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katiemae1985 Posts : 449 Registered: 3/28/06
Cold Feet or break-up? - UPDATE
Posted: Apr 18, 2006 11:38 AM

I'm in the most horrible time in whole life. Today Rob came to my work to sign a few papers and then in the parking lot he told me he doesn't want to get married on Saturday.

I tried to assure him that cold feet are normal but he appears to feel pretty strongly about this. I am a wreck. We (he) hasn't made a final decision yet but I feel suspended. Like my co-workers keep stopping in and asking about Saturday and I just answer like nothings wrong but I keep fighting back the tears. We are meeting with our Pastor tonight to talk over things seperately and together.

He doesn't deny loving me, he just isn't sure if he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He has talked to a few friends and the married ones say they went through the same thing and love being married. The single ones say that cold feet are normal but if he doesn't love me not to do it.

I guess I'm really worried that I am losing/lost my other half that completes me. He said that we are too different but I think we compliment each other and balance each other out.

I don't know. I needed to vent. Thanks!


Message was edited by katiemae1985 on Apr 19, 2006 9:00 AM

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Re: Cold Feet or break-up?
Posted: Apr 18, 2006 11:45 AM Go to message in response to: katiemae1985

I am so sorry this is happening to you.  I hope this all works out for the best, whatever that is.  I don't have anything helpful to add--I don't know what I would have done in this situation.  But, good luck to you, and I'm glad you're meeting with your pastor. 

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Re: Cold Feet or break-up?
Posted: Apr 18, 2006 12:06 PM Go to message in response to: katiemae1985

Do you mean this Saturday?!  That's way beyond bad.  My heart goes out to you.

It's good that you are meeting with your Pastor.   Bring this up.  Make it the first thing.  That way your Pastor talk to you guys together and seperately.   While it sucks that you may not get married Saturday, think about the loss you will suck if you do get married and 6 months down the road decide this is not for you.

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Guest
Re: Cold Feet or break-up?
Posted: Apr 18, 2006 12:26 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

oh my gosh!!!  that must be a horrible feeling not knowing.  i think that if it turns out this is how he truly feels, then DON'T marry him.  i can't imagine being married to someone who loves you, but does not want to spend the rest of his life with you.  what would be the point of that?  it really would just be wasting some time together.  i hope the meeting tonight helps sort this out.

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totobride Posts : 641 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Cold Feet or break-up?
Posted: Apr 18, 2006 12:28 PM Go to message in response to: katiemae1985

Ditto to what the other girls said.  I just wanted to chime in and say good luck, and my heart's with you.

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Re: Cold Feet or break-up?
Posted: Apr 18, 2006 12:32 PM Go to message in response to: katiemae1985

KatieMae-
My heart goes out to you. I have been exactly where you are right now and it is a terrible thing to go through.
You'll hear this many times, and I hate saying it again, but please believe that everything will work out for the best - even if it means that Saturday will have to be postponed.
For him to have come to you at this late moment likely means that he has some real concerns that must be addressed.
You may also want to check out another website today - the ladies there have all been where you are and they are very nice and amazingly supportive. It's called www.theregoesthebride.com. Some of the couples have married, many did not, some postponed, but all of the ladies there know just how you are feeling. They have a forum called "Talk Amongst Yourselves" that gets plenty of traffic.
Please know that people are thinking of you and wishing you strength through this trying time. I'd give anything for a magic wand to make your bad feelings go away...
Jennifer


Edited for spelling, as my posts usually are! : )

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Re: Cold Feet or break-up?
Posted: Apr 18, 2006 12:53 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I am at home on disability (grrrr) with nothing to do, so I checked out that board.  It's really great!  What an excellent resource.  Particularly the non-negotiables list.

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Guest
Re: Cold Feet or break-up?
Posted: Apr 18, 2006 1:10 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

i know this must be tough, but if i were you i would call it off. i have been in love tons of times but this is the first man i have loved unconditionally (excluding family). i dont know if i could marry a man who waivered in his affection. i know A LOT of couples who were married in their early 20s and who are divorced now. though it may create many emotions now, sadness, loss, embarrassment, anger, they will all be minor to being in an unhappy marriage for any period of time. while you may end up going through with it, if i were you, i would not. i beleive that in time you will meet man who cant stand the thought of living without you for another moment, rather than a man who, at the moment, cant stand the thought of being married to you forever. best wishes.

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Re: Cold Feet or break-up?
Posted: Apr 18, 2006 2:04 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Katiemae - honey, I am so sorry for what you are going through.  That's not the greatest 4 days before your wedding - I know how much you have put into planning for this Saturday.

Please take some time for yourself and I agree with the others - meeting with you Pastor is a great idea!

****BIG HUGE HUGS*****

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NatSeptBride Posts : 888 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Cold Feet or break-up?
Posted: Apr 18, 2006 4:42 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Wow this is terrible.  I guess it's one thing to have cold feet, but to say that he's not sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, to me that means alot more than cold feet.  How terrible that it's 4 days before your wedding, he could of atleast had the decency to tell you about this weeks even months ago... I seriously hope everything works out for the best.  Good luck to you, and please let us know what happens!!

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Guest
Re: Cold Feet or break-up?
Posted: Apr 18, 2006 7:46 PM Go to message in response to: NatSeptBride

It's awful that you have to go through this.  My best friend always says "Everything happens for a reason."  Maybe it is just cold feet, or maybe it is a blessing in disguise saving you from a bad marriage. 

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Re: Cold Feet or break-up?
Posted: Apr 18, 2006 7:57 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I'm really surprised how many people are saying that her FH said he isn't sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with her is more than cold feet. What do you all think cold feet is?  Its not being sure you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. Overall go to your pastor, talk to him and then make a decision. Calling off a wedding is far better than calling off a marriage (divorce), everything happens for a reason, and it will work out (you are young if things fall apart, you will be ok).

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gemini5241980 Posts : 426 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Cold Feet or break-up?
Posted: Apr 18, 2006 8:29 PM Go to message in response to: totobride

Wow my problems seem not so big now. I feel so bad for you. Hopefully he just has cold feet sweety. It's good you are going to talk to you pastor about this. We are here for you.

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Guest
Re: Cold Feet or break-up?
Posted: Apr 18, 2006 10:50 PM Go to message in response to: katiemae1985

My hear breaks for you.  I hope everything works out in the end for the best.  Someone said that while it is horrible that you may not be getting married on Saturday, it may be better to do it now then 6 months or a year from now.  Especially if there are no children in the picture at this time - there may be at that point in the future.

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katiemae1985 Posts : 449 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Cold Feet or break-up?
Posted: Apr 19, 2006 9:18 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

We met with the Pastor last night. He asked us on a spectrum where we would put things with the choices being: 1) Getting married Saturday but agreeing to counseling

2) Postponing everything

3) Breaking up for good

I said that I still hoped to be married and counseling. Rob said postpone. I said that I couldn't postpone and keep waiting and waiting. (we were engaged 2.5 years) I couldn't wait for Rob to be ready because I thought that this time he was ready, I would never have that trust again. So I gave the ring back. It hurts like crazy. I'm so confused. My future is shattered, I'm lost and I just don't know what to do.

Girls. I love you all. Best of luck. I hope you never have to endure this pain. I was blindsided by the man I love. I had no clue that we wouldn't be together forever. Everything reminds me of him. I just don't know what I'll do.

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