Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)

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Guest
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 4, 2006 7:35 PM Go to message in response to: Guest


oct8bride wrote:

I am catholic and had to deal with the whole "Sex is baaaad sex is baadd" preaching from first grade through 12th grade.  I remained a virgin until I was 19, and do I regret the "intimate relations" I had with the men I slept with? Not at all. After being preached at for years and years and being told what a terrible sin sex is, I had to see for myself. And MIRACULOUSLY...no lightening struck when I lost my virginity!

I am very open about my past with my Fiance and he is open about his.  We have slept together, but out of respect for my religion (and now his, since he converted) we are abstaining for the last 6 months before the wedding.    I firmly believe TO EACH HIS OWN...let he who is without sin cast the first stone! It's a personal choice if you want to have sex before marriage or not.  You will not go to hell for sharing a personal, beautiful act with someone you care about.  If you make the choice to abstain and then flub up and have sex, shake it off and reaffirm yourself to your choice. WE ARE ONLY HUMAN!

Just to clarify the above statement that sex is bad, sex is not bad, and is looked upon from the christian community as a very beautiful thing that is to be shared between a married man and woman.  Just wanted to clarify.

Message was edited by: CarsonsJellybean

Message was edited by:
CarsonsJellybean

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Guest
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 4, 2006 7:56 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I agree with that, CarsonsJellybean. I've grown up with people telling me all the time that sex is wonderful! I have never been told that it is bad. It's great! Just as long as it's inside the boundaries of marriage. It's like having a fire. A fire is great on a cold night in the fireplace or outside in the firepit where you're roasting marshmallows. It's a wonderful thing, as long as it's within its confines. But when it's out in the open - such as in a field with no boundaries at all, it can do irreparable damage.

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Guest
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 4, 2006 9:37 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

so apparently I was the only one who attended catholic school and had to deal with religion class, every day, telling us all how evil sex is outside of marriage and that it's a grave sin and we'll never be forgiven if we have premarital sex. Catholic school kids, raise your hand!!! haha

I just strongly believe that the choice to have sex is a personal decision. It is wrong to preach one way or another about it. Your beliefs are your beliefs and there is nothing wrong with that. I also believe that sex is a wonderful, beautiful thing but no one should condemn another person for making the CHOICE to have sex outside of the "confines" of marriage. We are all given free will, and how we choose to use that free will is up to us.

And personally, I've had some great sex outside marriage. But that's just me! LoL!

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Guest
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 4, 2006 10:37 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

The more I think about it, the more I move toward the conclusion that having sex with FH is not a horrible thing.  I'll be honest with you, I still believe it's a minor sin, and I still believe that there are minor and major sins.  Some religions teach that also.  For example, the Catholic church distinguishes between mortal (major) and venial (minor) sins.  I have come to my conclusion by: (1) We are already committed to each other in our hearts, and the wedding will simply make that committment public. (2) As one poster pointed out, we are not, and have never, spread disease. (3) We are ready, if we become pregnant, to welcome our child happily and provide a loving home for him or her.  In fact, we only started sleeping together after we decided that we are ready to handle that responsibility.

As far as the possibility that we will not marry, we have been engaged for over a year now, we've been lifelong friends, and we've been dating for four years.  We will, barring one of us dying, marry in just under six months.  To me, saying that you don't want to have sex on the offchance that you won't marry due to some tragedy befalling you or your FH is akin to not wanting to have sex with your husband on the offchance that he will die and you will remarry and then have sex with someone else.  I just don't see it as a logical reason to abstain. 

That said, I still believe that all of you who are waiting are actually making a better choice than I am making.  Still, think that this is a fine choice for me at this point. 

I really enjoy reading everyone's responses!   Thank you for all the though and time you've put into them! 

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071707 Posts : 313 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 4, 2006 11:50 PM Go to message in response to: lori83

I agree with you BridesMom. I grew up in the church and am glad I am no longer a christian as I no longer have to deal with the so called 'christians' like that. Since I have left the church I am so much happier. I think sometimes religion just complicates issues which are quite simple otherwise. Since I no longer practice christianity the difference between right and wrong is so much clearer to me. I applaud people who have a faith to help them through life, I just found that it never helped me in any way in my daily life.

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Guest
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 5, 2006 12:00 AM Go to message in response to: 071707

Although I'll be the first to admit that I am (obviously) not the best Christian out there, I think it would be awful not to have faith.  The existence (proliferation?) of hypocritical Christians does not mean that Christianity itself is misled, nor does it make the "wrong" Christians any less Christian.  I don't think that one should say, "Some Christians are bad Christians; therefore, I am leaving the church, and I think that those people are lying when they call themselves Christians".  Consider this example, which I think is an excellent counter-example to the previous argument:  You need to lose 150 lbs, and your doctor, who is also rather large, tells you that you need to loose weight or face serious health complications.  Now, just because your hypocritical doctor is telling you to do something that he himself isn't doing, does that mean that medicine is any less right when it says that being obese is unhealthy?  No, if course not!  Also, just becuase your doctor is a hypocrit, does that mean that he's not really a medical doctor?  Again, definitely not! 

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071707 Posts : 313 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 5, 2006 12:53 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

That's exactly what bothers me about christianity. Just because I am a person with a different view, I am classed as 'misled'. Well I think christians are 'easily led' if they need a book to tell them the difference between right and wrong. I think my point is that I have mixed with a lot of different people in my life and the ones that were there for me and truly helped me in a practical way, when I most needed it, were the non christians, and they were a lot nicer about it too. Today still, the nicest people I know are the non christians. When I used to go to church the ones who were praying for people at the front of the church and even preaching on the pulpit, were the ones who were taking drugs and seducing the young church girls during the week! And I'm the one misled? I don't think so darl.  

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Guest
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 5, 2006 12:59 AM Go to message in response to: 071707

I'm not sure if that post was directed at me for my last post, which I edited, but, if it was, I mentioned "misled Christians".  That doesn't apply to you since you're no longer a Christian, right?  I just said that I can't imagine living day to day without being able to fall back on my faith since it's such a huge part of my life.  Also, I never suggested that non-Christian (or Jewish, Muslim, whatever) people cannot be perfectly moral, good people.  I believe they can.

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071707 Posts : 313 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 5, 2006 2:27 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

In your original post you didn't say 'misled christians' you said 'people who are misled', that's what I was referring to.

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lori83 Posts : 1,852 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 5, 2006 7:42 AM Go to message in response to: 071707

Did we attend the same church? I also had adulterers in the church that I attended from the time of my birth until I finally woke up at the age of 17. Now that I am older I think about all the people in this world who have died in the name of religion. It just makes me so sad. If there is a god he would not want it this way. I do have faith. I have faith in myself, my family and my friends. That is who I look to everyday to get me through life's obstacles.  

FFBRIDE - just for the record in my opinion SEX is great outside of marriage. If it wasn't why would so many people have a hard time refraining until after the wedding!

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Guest
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 5, 2006 8:42 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I don't consider myself to be a very religious person, but I was brought up in a christian home, so I am familiar w/ what is being discussed.  My question for some of you ladies is why is it ok to live w/ your FH before you get married?  Isn't it also considered a sin to live w/ him before marriage also?

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Guest
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 5, 2006 12:07 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I am getting married in less than two months!!  Both my fiance and myself are virgins and i can definitely relate to struggling with wanting to be with that person fully.  the thing that frustrates me is the mentality that once you have done it than why wait . . . why? b/c in your heart you wanted to wait until marriage.  you made a mistake - yes - but that doesnt mean that you cant stop and do it right.  when you stand in your white dress before your family, friends and God you want to be able to make your vow to your husband knowing that you are pure and will receive God's blessing.  Just because you slipped doesnt mean you cant stop and still receive the Lord's blessings.  By your comments I can tell that you want that and you can still have that.  Yes, it takes discipline but one thing that keeps us pure is knowing that i want to stand before loved ones and God with confidence that we held out (and that includes more than just not having the physical act of sex) so that we would start our marriage with the right foot forward and with God's blessing as our foundation.  that is still attainable for you.  Also, in regards to another comment about "where you are going if God catches you guys having sex"  well, He already knows and second of all no sin is greater than another.  premarital sex (in God's eyes) is no different than murder and rape - we as humans have classified what is worse.  But again, you can be free from that and move forward - God wipes our slates clean when we ask for forgiveness and make an honest change with our behavior to reflect that reception of Grace.  That's it.  Hang in there - trust me, it will be worth it.  to explore each other all over again on your wedding night as if you hadnt already done it.  I promise - God restores!!

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Guest
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 5, 2006 2:43 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Not to get completely off topic, But some of you have touched on a few things I want to address:

First off, this is not a bitch post, and I am not flaming anyone, just stating my opinion. :)

I pushed the issue of getting married in a Christian church because that is what my little heart desires. We met with a minister and honestly I have never felt like more crap and felt more judged in my life than when we met with him. Because? HE felt that we should move up our date because we live together, as if that is going to make it all better. Although he was of the opinion that we have already had sex, the cohabiting was MORE of a sin that sex. That floored me . We could have sex all day long, but to present ourselves as husband and wife is wrong. HE wanted us to move up the date. The Bible does not state "Thou who lives with thee shall move the date up for it to be okay in my eyes" I still cannot get this logic. If I commit murder today, or in 5 years.............isn't it STILL murder? I felt like we were tying to please the minister MORE so than to ask forgiveness to God. This really REALLY turn FH off ( no pun intended :) to this Christian church. I can see why some posters are saying "I'm glad I'm not Christian" for this very reason. Why would a church turn someone away when they are trying to open their hearts, minds, and relationships to God? Instead of casting judgement, teach, share, and introduce.  Obviously that church wasnt meant to be for us.  We have found a United Methodist Church that is compassionate, wonderful, and has an open door policy. That to me is more important that trying to please a minister. 

It upsets me when I see  people insinuating that staying "pure" makes you a better person. How? Because you haven't had the sexual experience. Hey, let me tell you something, none of us are "pure" You may have not had sex, but you do have human error. Just because you may have not had sex does not mean you should hold judgment on someone who has.

Only God is in the position to look down on people.

Again, this is my opinion and I am not directing this at anyone particular.

 

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Guest
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 5, 2006 2:48 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I dont know what denomination (spl?) all of you are, but I am presbytarian and...my pastor has never once said anything about FH and I living together OR anyone else in the church.

Let me ask this...before you got engaged did you feel like crap for having premaritual sex? it seems that most people dont feel like it is wrong till AFTER they are engaged...why is that???

I was married once before and let me tell you something.... I would never marry a man that I have not had sex with.  Sexual compatibility is a HUGE thing in a marraige. 

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Guest
Re: Sex Questions (sorry, don't know where to put this)
Posted: Apr 5, 2006 3:13 PM Go to message in response to: Guest


Militarybride wrote:

Let me ask this...before you got engaged did you feel like crap for having premaritual sex?

 

I will answer, and this is coming from a Catholic who was taught that pre-marital sex is bad and living together and not being married is bad. (those of you who are Catholic, probably all too well understand the "guilt" they try to lay upon you)

NO!!!!

Sure, if it was a perfect world, I would feel bad, but ya'll know what?  I'm 35 years old, my relationship with my FH has lasted for almost 16 years, we've already been through better or worse, richer or poorer, AND in sickness and in health. 

Yesterday we met with our parish priest for the first time and are returning to church, but you know what?  I will continue to live in my current situation, and I will continue to have sex with my FH.  I will confess as needed, but I will not be made by anyone to feel bad about it.

I'll take it up with The Big Guy when I entery the Pearly Gates.

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