Graduation Party Drama!

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JodiMarie Posts : 185 Registered: 3/5/07
Graduation Party Drama!
Posted: May 28, 2008 6:45 PM

Ok, this is the other thread. I just had to tell you about my first drama with my MIL, and it was over my husbands graduation party. For those who have not seen the other thread, my new husband is graduating from college with a bachelors June 22. I am very excited about this because this is our first big family event since being married in Sept and a great time to start family tradition.

Well, my MIL calls me up in March, leaving a message on my cell phone saying well I was just wondering if you had anything planned for Chris's graduation party because I was kinda of wanting to host it, because I didn't get to give him one for high school on account that he didn't graduate with his class. For some background info, my husband is smart but fooled around his senior year, didn't study, do homework etc. and ended up having to take a semester of summer school to get his dipolma, so he didn't actually go through the whole graduation ceremony with his class in May but instead received his dipolma in Sept in the mail. In my mind ok yes it was disappointing, oops, oh well at least he graduated, we all make mistakes. For some reason though I guess she was so utterly ashamed by this that she could not give him a graduation party in Sept. However, she had no problem throwing one for his older brother that same month for coming home from boot camp. I kinda of think this excuse is just that an excuse, very flimsy. At least he graduated he could have dropped out all together or just gotten a GED. Worse yet he could have done what a few kids at my school did, and make complete jack***** of themselves at the graduation, kicked out in front of their family, given detention and mailed their diplomas only after they served it. Yes, this actually happened and my school was not fooling around. Anyways.

So I called her back and left a message on her cell phone (since she didn't answer) and said yes actually I was planning something but why don't we go together and plan it together. My only request was that I would like to have it at our new apartment building since we had just moved and nobody has been to our new place yet. I then waited and waited for a return call and heard nothing. 

2 weeks later my husband comes home from work and says oh yeah my mother called me at work today and she is pouting. Apparently she wanted to host the graduation party (just her) and she called him trying to get him to take sides. I guess she expected him to tell me that sorry, but my mother is going to do my graduation party. Well, that's not what happened, after listening to all her reasons he finally told her look, I did marry her she is my wife she has a right to plan a graduation party for me if she wants to at which she came back at him and said but I am still your mother! He finally said look I'm his wife and it is up to me and that actually the two of us needed to firgue it out he didn't want to get into the middle of it.

I wasn't too happy that she had called him, because I had wanted the party to be a surprise but so much for that. My husband and I talked things over and he said she felt bad for not having given him one for high school so now she is trying to make up for it. I told him are you sure she realizes that you are an adult and we are married now. He said she knows this and kinda of sees this party as her last chance to throw a big party for him. Ok, now that got me feeling a bit guilty even though I still think her excuse is alot of BS. I thouht he is 26 years old, she has had 26 yrs to give him parties, ok, she didn't give him a high school graduation party but what about a 21st birthday  party or a 25 birthday party there have been plenty of chances to make up for this. Either way he said it was my decision but that he wishes that I would work it out with her. So I thought and thought about all weekend and finally said Ok, I will compromise since she obviously doesn't want to do it together (grrr) I will let her do the graduation party this one time but I still wanted to do something special so I would do a small dinner for just the family the night of the graduation.

I called my MIL Monday morning to let her know what I thought about doing (left a message again on her cell phone because she wasn't answering). I was polite, no attitude, just told her since I hadn't heard from her that this was my husband and I had talked and this was the decision I had come to and wanted her thoughts. 

Well later that day she calls my cell phone and leaves not one but two rambling messages with loads of attitude saying that I have been rude to her and her entire family. How I have always had a problem with her, how she can call her son anytime she wants to and if I wanted to throw the party the I should just do it, don't let her stand in my way.Oooooookkkk! I told my husband about it, knowing his mother he didn't want to hear them. 

Well, since this I have let it drop, it seems like she is having a hard time compromising and looking for an argument and I was not willing to take the bait. It seems like this is an all of nothing thing for her. She doesn't want to plan it together nor does she want anyone else to do anything. She either does the whole thing by herself or she does nothing. The only thing she said was if you need money let me know, apparently that is all she is willing to do. Well, thank-you but no thank-you I don't want your money, how about helping me plan, offering to bring a food dish, or the cake, or helping me decorate. It seems that she is very good at throwing money at things but when it comes to actually helping out forget it she is no where to be found. Was the same way with the wedding. Ahhhhhh! 

So I have deceided to take her suggestion I am throwing it, this is our first family event and I have ever right to throw my husband a party to celebrate. She is a very controlling person and I think she needs to let go of the apron strings. I was more than willing to plan it together but that is not what she wants to do, apparently. I think mainly that is because she will have to share in the credit later and she wants to be the hero here. Also she wants to give him her traditionally booze and hot dog party where all of his brothers friends are invited but little of his. These parties always turn out to be a big drinking fest that have very little to do with my husband and more to do with their desire to get drunk and party.

I haven't discussed this since late March but I am sending out the invitations this week. So Grrrrrr, can't wait to hear the reaction I will get to that.

Thanks for listening.

Jodi 


Wedding will be Sept 29, 2007, only 6 months to go!! 

 Please take a look at my albums for my wedding ideas!

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TanisJ Posts : 2,669 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: Graduation Party Drama!
Posted: May 28, 2008 8:05 PM Go to message in response to: JodiMarie

Jodi I am sorry you are going through this right now (and quite frankly happy that I am not)but I am feeling very Dr. Phil right now and quite simply this is a power trip. MIL wants to know how you will deal with this and how her son will deal with it. The section about money makes this very clear - I am older and I have more money so don't forget that. I think as a newly married couple you need to stand your ground or this type or this behavior will go on, and on and on. Clearly you tried to compromise but she doesn't want to be a partner she wants to be boss. Good luck!

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Lissa003 Posts : 80 Registered: 9/28/06
Re: Graduation Party Drama!
Posted: May 29, 2008 5:57 PM Go to message in response to: JodiMarie

My MIL is very similar.  When my husband, then boyfriend, graduated from high school she threw the party on a day when I was on a trip to Europe.  She knew when I was going and planned it that way anyway.  It is really hard to deal with people like that especially when they try to put your husband in the middle.  It's not fair and they expect our husbands to put them first all the time and it doesn't work that way. 

I wish you the best of luck with your MIL.  I do love my in-laws but they agitate me too.


Daisypath Ticker

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BenjaminsWife Posts : 1,069 Registered: 1/11/07
Re: Graduation Party Drama!
Posted: Jun 1, 2008 11:21 AM Go to message in response to: JodiMarie

I just wanted to say congrats. My FH is in school right now and will be graduating next June with his bachelors (he's 29)....that will be a happy happy happy day! I've already began working on his graduation party.  That's how excited I am. Now my fh knows this and he appreciates the fact that i am excited about it. I also know that if his parents tried to throw one well knowing that I was going to throw a party..he'd tell them I am thowing the party so them throwing the party wouldnt be necessary.

Her son is now your husband. I say throw that party and make it the best one ever! His mom will just have to deal with it. She wants the attention and the power. That's all it is.


Formerly San Ramon Bride

The Big Day: 9/20/08

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Re: Graduation Party Drama!
Posted: Sep 15, 2012 7:15 PM Go to message in response to: JodiMarie

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Re: Graduation Party Drama!
Posted: Dec 24, 2012 3:28 PM Go to message in response to: JodiMarie

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