Family members trying to plan whole wedding?

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krys13 Posts : 6 Registered: 10/10/10
Family members trying to plan whole wedding?
Posted: Oct 18, 2010 9:45 PM

my fh and i are "unofficially engaged". my family knows that we are going to be getting married in 2 years. We are trying to get some of the planning done now so that we can make sure we have all of our money together when the wedding date comes closer. My grandmother helped plan my mother and my aunt's wedding, now she wants to help plan mine. I dont mind some help, BUT she wants to have a say in *EVERYTHING*! My FH and i wanted to have the wedding in his hometown at this beautiful gazebo in a park. when i brought it up to my grandma, she threw a fit and then so did my mother, so we decided to have the wedding closer to my hometown. Well then we were looking at humerous cake toppers and my grandmother said that it would look tackie and that if i did that then she wouldnt help me at all. SO i started looking at romantic cake toppers. then we started talking about food. My fh's side of the family eats really healthy and doesnt really eat processed food so i was thinking of having sushi there for them since they seem to love it...Well my grandmother put her input in again and said that since she was most likeley going to be cooking for the wedding reception that she would not have that there and if my fh's family wanted it then they would have to buy it and bring it themselves! uughhhh! what can i do about having my family members helping me plane my wedding in some areas but butting out in others? i feel like i cant stand up to them because from the sounds of it, my side of the family wants to pay for the wedding...

Edited by: krys13 on Oct 18, 2010 9:45 PM

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Family members trying to plan whole wedding?
Posted: Oct 18, 2010 10:02 PM Go to message in response to: krys13

OK first of all, I don't know how you can even begin to plan a wedding if you don't have a budget and know where the money is coming from.

That said, if you want total say in your wedding, save up the money and pay for it yourself.

I'm not trying to be harsh, just honest. Those who pay have a say.

But at this point it doesn't even sound like you know IF your family is paying.

There are tons of ways to save money etc.

Figure out what is most important - is that having say in your wedding or making everyone else happy.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like you are particularly happy about the planning right now.

 

 

 

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krys13 Posts : 6 Registered: 10/10/10
Re: Family members trying to plan whole wedding?
Posted: Oct 18, 2010 10:14 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

my family told me that they are going to pay for my wedding. and my family wants to see ideas that we have came up with and see how much it will run us...we dont want to spend over $10,000 total. i like planning, i just wish there was a way to remind my family that i appreciate all their help, but i do need to have a say in my own wedding or else there will not be a wedding becuase my fh is getting agrivated

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WellWisher Posts : 175 Registered: 1/2/10
Re: Family members trying to plan whole wedding?
Posted: Oct 18, 2010 10:16 PM Go to message in response to: krys13

I sure had fun looking around at all this cool wedding stuff before I became engaged, so I can see how you're excited.

But you're "unofficially engaged." We ladies have argued about the legitimacy of this before. I think this is this a pretty good example of why this isn't the greatest idea in the world.

The engagement is unofficial.As in, it's not an official engagement. Why are you arguing with Grandma over sushi for the reception when the engagement hasn't even started?

Don't put the cart before the horse. Collecting ideas can be fun, but this has obviously gone too far. Stop planning with family members and just enjoy being with your special someone.

And since you've just posted, I'm going to add this quickly: If your future (FUTURE!) fiance is agitated, it isn't going to make him want to ask you. You have a budget, it's $10,000. There's no need to argue with Grandma over sushi. Nothing is for sure yet.

Edited by: WellWisher on Oct 18, 2010 10:18 PM

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Family members trying to plan whole wedding?
Posted: Oct 18, 2010 10:23 PM Go to message in response to: krys13

WellWisher is right - if FF is already aggravated then you need to back off.

But again, if they are paying they have a right to say.

And you need to be realistic about your budget. Sushi 'sounds' like a great idea but is $$$$ and that's not what you 'have'.

Again, if you want CONTROL over your wedding, save up the money and politely decline their offer to pay.

Otherwise, you are at their whim.

 

 

 

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krys13 Posts : 6 Registered: 10/10/10
Re: Family members trying to plan whole wedding?
Posted: Oct 18, 2010 10:25 PM Go to message in response to: WellWisher

LOL thanks :) that helps me alot :) yeah i do like looking around and getting ideas...and i kno arguing over sushi is dumb lol i juss wish she would lay off....lol and we are engaged, i just dont have a ring yet...his mom is looking for the rings his grandmother left him and if she cant find them soon then he's going to go get me one

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Family members trying to plan whole wedding?
Posted: Oct 19, 2010 12:05 AM Go to message in response to: krys13

Dear Krys,

You have two options:

1. Plan and pay for the wedding yourself.

2. Let your family plan and pay for the wedding.

The "in-between" option of them paying and you planning does not seem to exist in your family.

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jackson132 Posts : 1,623 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: Family members trying to plan whole wedding?
Posted: Dec 24, 2012 2:27 PM Go to message in response to: krys13

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