"Wedding Party" & Destination Wedding

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VntgGoth2010 Posts : 57 Registered: 1/24/10
"Wedding Party" & Destination Wedding
Posted: Mar 26, 2010 1:08 PM

When FH and I discussed our "wedding" years ago we decided to go away and treat our family to a trip. We were in essence going to have a destination wedding but by no means were we going to make it a full blown wedding with announcements and expectations of people attending. We wanted no part at all of that kind of planning. The only thing we knew for sure was that our families were going to be there because we would be paying for them to go.

I have somefriends who can afford to make such a trip and will be attending our nuptials in Italy, which I'm totally happy about. However, this is becoming more of a pain then a fun experience. Since some of my girlfriends were attending and my church was requesting a MOH, I asked two of them to be MOH. NOW, I regret asking one of them. I've read the ettiquette and I know there's no going back now but now I'm wondering what their expectations are. Luckily, I have had a heart-to-heart with the one that I REALLY wanted as a MOH and her expectations are understood. The other one, not so much. In fact, with recent events - I am not happy with her at all.

So...what's my question here? Perhaps there isn't one and this is more of me venting but if there were a question...I ask those brides having a destination wedding if they have a bridal party and what are THEIR WP's expectations?
When is my wedding

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: "Wedding Party" & Destination Wedding
Posted: Mar 28, 2010 7:30 PM Go to message in response to: VntgGoth2010

Dear VG,

The only thing the MOH really MUST do is show up on time in appropriate dress and sign the marriage license as a witness.

Everything else is just gravy.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: "Wedding Party" & Destination Wedding
Posted: Mar 29, 2010 9:40 AM Go to message in response to: VntgGoth2010

I didn't have a destination wedding, but all I expected of my MOH was to purchase her dress and show up wearing it. We did not even need her signature on the marriage license, as it is not required in our state.

We really didn't have any expectations of our WP at all. We just wanted them there with us. We appreciate it that they all bought or rented the appopriate clothing, but we would have wanted them there even if they had been wearing jeans. But other than that, nothing was required. We expected them to be our friends, but we would have expected that of them regardless of whether they were in the WP, as they ARE our friends. They all really went far beyond our expectations, but we did not require anything from them other than showing up dressed in the appropriate clothing.

On an unrelated note, I'm curious as to why you have the word 'wedding' in quotes...? Are you not really getting married?

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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agd1017 Posts : 464 Registered: 9/14/09
Re: "Wedding Party" & Destination Wedding
Posted: Mar 29, 2010 9:56 AM Go to message in response to: VntgGoth2010

We are having a destination wedding. It won't be very many people- just close friends and family. My MOH is my FSIL, and of course she will be there. All I expect of her is to be there! FH's best man is one of his best friends, and he's already bought his plane ticket. Also, one of his other best friends is our officiant, and he will be there, of course.

Have you tried talking to your other MOH? Using a non-confrontational approach, you may be able to find out what's going on and whether she truly wants to continue as MOH.

Amanda and Eric
10/10/10

Amanda and Eric

 

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: "Wedding Party" & Destination Wedding
Posted: Mar 29, 2010 10:31 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Art--Quotations are around "wedding party" and I think it's because she's a little confused about the expectations of a wedding party and may not even fully understand the term herself--and she seems a little confused about the status of her own WP.

OP-- The duties of the MOH is to show up and stand by the bride on her wedding day and sometimes she has to sign the marraige contract.

My question is, what are your expectations for your WP?

What is it that you're one MOH 'isn't getting?'

Your friends are probably spending over $1000 to fly to Italy and for accommodation and food--what more are you asking from your MOH's? I understand that you may have some dress criteria and you might want hair and make up done with certain specifications. What else are you expecting? You should appreciate that your friend is willing to pay so much and to put effort into being there on your big day.

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VntgGoth2010 Posts : 57 Registered: 1/24/10
Re: "Wedding Party" & Destination Wedding
Posted: Apr 1, 2010 12:37 AM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

Actually, I don't expect anything from my friends. Their mere presence at my ceremony is gift enough. The issue is on what they are expecting. I think they are stuck on what movies and/or the industry tells them what they should do. They wanted to do the bachelorette party, the wedding shower, asking me what dresses to wear, etc.

I was like "whoa, whoa" none of that please. I truly appreciate them thinking of me and wanting to do the best but that's not my style. Literally, I was grilled at my bachelorette party for not caring about decorations and not wanting a bridal shower. It seemed like this was more of their wedding than mine.

I ask what the expectations are for people who are having destination weddings because I read some FAQ on destination weddings and they said some people pay for their hotel stay or airfare but mind you I originally never wanted a wedding party, hence my confusion as to what is expected of me.

I hope it didn't sound like I'm expecting SOMETHING from my MOHs when honestly, I am not but it seems they are. I honestly don't even know if they will walk with me down the aisle or what their role really is.
    When is my wedding

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: "Wedding Party" & Destination Wedding
Posted: Apr 1, 2010 12:49 AM Go to message in response to: VntgGoth2010

Since some of my girlfriends were attending and my church was
requesting a MOH, I asked two of them to be MOH. NOW, I regret asking
one of them. I've read the ettiquette and I know there's no going back
now but now I'm wondering what their expectations are. Luckily, I have
had a heart-to-heart with the one that I REALLY wanted as a MOH and her
expectations are understood. The other one, not so much. In fact, with
recent events - I am not happy with her at all.

So what is the problem here. It seems like you actually do have your own personal expectations of your MOH's. It seems like one MOH understands your expectations of them and the other one doesn't. So what exactly is going on between you and your MOH's? What is your one MOH not getting? Why are you not happy with her?

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alymar Posts : 100 Registered: 3/2/10
Re: "Wedding Party" & Destination Wedding
Posted: Apr 1, 2010 2:48 AM Go to message in response to: VntgGoth2010

If you are thinking financially... Everything I read is that you are not expected to pay for them unless you want to or help supplement them in some way. It is basically the same etiquette as a regular wedding.

But it is traditional for there to be a style or colour of dress chosen by the bride for the bridesmaid for the wedding. If you don't care what they wear - maybe just the three of you can go shopping for dresses that they will wear during the event. They are your right hand during the wedding and sometimes prior with the planning. Sometimes MOHs go with you to try on your dresses, make favors, etc. But my guess is they are expecting to be able to do these things for you even though its a destination wedding... they want the best for you and make you happy. I know this isn't your normal wedding you are wanting but they are probably thinking of whaat traditionally happens.

You need to decide what you need them for other then being your witnesses and standing up for you. If that is all you want - then tell them that. And if you don't want to have a traditonal wedding and worry about the decor etc... then that is their problem. You want to marry your FH and celebrate with your family. The wedding is about your marriage not decorations. JMHO

ETA - my FH and I are only having two people in our party. 1 for me, 1 for him. We are letting them wear what they want (I think this might be easier with guys) and while we have offered to help get them there they both declined and said they would take care of their own plans.

I hope you get it sorted out.

Does that help at all?
Friendship is a wonderful base for love...
When is my wedding
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com

Edited by: alymar on Apr 1, 2010 2:50 AM

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: "Wedding Party" & Destination Wedding
Posted: Apr 1, 2010 10:36 PM Go to message in response to: VntgGoth2010

dear VG,

"The issue is on what they are expecting. I think they are stuck on what movies and/or the industry tells them what they should do. "

Yes, but the wishes of the honoree should take precedence.

Think about what The Media tells you. "Every bride wants a white dress."

Many do. Some don't.

We could go on and on.

Your attendants need only show up on time with appropriate clothes. Typically, the bride's attendants precede her down the aisle. The bride and any escort are the very last to appear.

I watched the Charles/Diana wedding on TV way back in the 1980s. Normally, the Queen is the last person to arrive at a social event. A wedding is an exception. The Queen came in, and was seated, just before Diana's bridal procession. A bride on her wedding day outranks even the Queen in protocol!

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VntgGoth2010 Posts : 57 Registered: 1/24/10
Re: "Wedding Party" & Destination Wedding
Posted: Apr 3, 2010 1:00 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Alymar - Yes, that helps. What you have is what I want. Just me and my beau and an attendant on each side if needed. Thanks!

AOTB - As always, your wisdom was well recieved and defintely appreciated.
    When is my wedding

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alymar Posts : 100 Registered: 3/2/10
Re: "Wedding Party" & Destination Wedding
Posted: Apr 4, 2010 12:44 AM Go to message in response to: VntgGoth2010

I hope you get it!


Friendship is a wonderful base for love...
When is my wedding
Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com

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jackson132 Posts : 1,623 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: "Wedding Party" & Destination Wedding
Posted: Dec 24, 2012 2:00 PM Go to message in response to: VntgGoth2010

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