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How do we feel about registering for a house?

Online Users: 678 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 22


Heidibride30 Posts : 1,201 Registered: 4/16/08
Re: How do we feel about registering for a house?
Posted: Jun 26, 2009 1:50 PM Go to message in response to: AlishaJ

You're spending $25,000 on your wedding?!?!?! And then putting your honeymoon on a credit card? Wow. I am also a big believer in having the wedding and the honeymoon that you can afford. FH and I have scrimped and saved to afford our wedding and honeymoon. I did tons of research and scouted out some amazing deals for us. I don't know. I just don't understand spending that much money on a wedding, if you can't really afford it. Why not spend $10,000 on the wedding and honeymoon, and use the rest as a downpayment on a house? $15,000 would be a decent down payment. And you could still have a beautiful wedding for that much money. It might be a little more work, but it would all be worth it when you were in your own home that much faster!

 

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october_2009 , new_york , september_2009 , washington_dc_-_registry_issues
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myra Posts : 5,555 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: How do we feel about registering for a house?
Posted: Jun 26, 2009 7:15 PM Go to message in response to: AlishaJ

So, basically, you want to have it all, and you can't. You've set your priorities--big, fabulous wedding, with no money left for a house. Now, you want wedding guests to return the favor of your filet mignon dinner and help you to pay for a house. Um, no. If I were "invited" to send money for your downpayment, I would seriously question your common sense. Sure, most couples would love to get cash, and most couples can use it for something. But to be as blatant as you are (basically saying, "We've spent all of our money on a party; now, help us to have something we can no longer afford.")--I'd find that a real turnoff.

october_2009 , washington_dc_-_registry_issues
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CatStandish Posts : 2,767 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: How do we feel about registering for a house?
Posted: Jun 27, 2009 9:33 AM Go to message in response to: AlishaJ

Here's the thing: tacky/not tacky, I'll leave that to the peeps you know. Here's how I feel about it. I do not buy gift cards for gifts. I do not give cash. Not even for weddings. Those items to me say this: "I do not care enough about you to spend my valuable time searching for the perfect gift." (This is if they are COMING from me. If someone gives me cash or gift cards, I am happy.) I won't ask for gift cards.

I have one friend who specifically requests gift cards, and I hate buying for her. I know why....she has fairly eclectic taste, and an amazon.com gift card can get her anything. But it still feels to me like I've copped out. My dad also frequently gets gift cards -- because he is a returner (he'll seriously return things he ASKS for too. I do not mind exchanging clothing items that don't fit for something that does, but to just randomly return everything because he knows I shop pre-Turkey and he can return everything after Christmas, get the outfit I bought him plus two more....okay fine, he likes the post-Christmas shopping experience, so I now save him the line at customer service. I personally think he is insane)


I also have a friend who recently got married. At her shower, the hosts indicated that the couple was remodeling their home and would like gift cards to Lowes and Home Depot. I bought them a stocked picnic basket. (that is my stock wedding gift -- I believe EVERY new couple needs a picnic basket for their honeymoon....or living room floor)


So me....I do not do gift cards, with few exceptions. I would not want to donate to a down payment registry. (Especially since, as a mortgage professional, I know of all sorts of super programs out there to help first time homebuyers with the purchase of a home.... like state finace authority DPA programs, FHA loans, Rural Housing, some City programs, VA. There's a lot out there to help you buy a nice home with an affordable down payment.) Also...those types of registries usually have a processing fee.


It would be better if the two of you decided that was what you were going to do with the funds you receive, open a bank account, and put all of the cash in it directly. Then there is no fee and you have control of those funds--without having to deal with whatever strictures that registry will put on. (There is fine print... must be used within X.... must finace through X, etc.... I'm sure of that)


Misty

washington_dc_-_registry_issues , october_2009 , september_2009
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ArtBride Posts : 4,841 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: How do we feel about registering for a house?
Posted: Jun 27, 2009 2:17 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

I really don't think the OP is a bad person for wanting a big wedding. We spent a crap load of money on ours. But we could care less about buying a house right now.

OP, you've made your decision. You could have done as your FH suggested and had a small wedding and used the money on a downpayment for a house - but you chose to spend 25K on the wedding. There's nothing wrong with that, BUT you need to deal with the consequences. The consequence of spending 25K on your wedding is that you now have no money for a downpayment. So start saving again.

After all, it's not your guests's fault that you chose to spend your money on the wedding rather than on the house. That was YOUR decision, and your guests shouldn't have to pay for the thing that you 'sacrificed' in order to have the wedding. Just don't register. From the comments here, it's clear that many people think mortgage registries are tacky, so there's a good chance some of your guests will, too. But there's nothing wrong with not registering, and if your family and friends spread the word that you prefer cash, you'll get it anyway and can put it into your house fund. That seems like the most diplomatic solution to this issue.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

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october_2009 , september_2009 , washington_dc_-_registry_issues
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Heidibride30 Posts : 1,201 Registered: 4/16/08
Re: How do we feel about registering for a house?
Posted: Jun 28, 2009 9:01 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Art, it's not that I have a problem with people spending a lot of money on a wedding. I have a problem with people spending money they can't afford on a wedding. If they are putting the honeymoon on a credit card and asking their guests to pay their mortgage, then they clearly can't afford it. It also seems as though this couple is not on the same page about spending that money on the wedding. I'm not saying that the OP should just go to the JOP like her FH suggested, but there is a happy medium.

 

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october_2009 , new_york , september_2009 , washington_dc_-_registry_issues
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swichwang34 Posts : 1,473 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: How do we feel about registering for a house?
Posted: Sep 13, 2012 8:49 PM Go to message in response to: AlishaJ

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swichwang34 Posts : 1,473 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: How do we feel about registering for a house?
Posted: Sep 14, 2012 4:17 AM Go to message in response to: AlishaJ

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wzq103 Posts : 2,771 Registered: 9/11/12
Re: How do we feel about registering for a house?
Posted: Sep 20, 2012 8:37 AM Go to message in response to: AlishaJ

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