Newly engaged and stressed

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stressedbride1 Posts : 2 Registered: 1/10/12
Newly engaged and stressed
Posted: Jan 10, 2012 5:52 PM

Am in a long distnace relationship and engaged since Feb '11 due to get married in Aug'12.... Since then he changed his mind about moving to where i live,because of not wanting to leave his 12 year old daughter,which is fine. I've just finished building my house and am willing to move up to him,with the agreement that we move back to my home in 6/7 years to raise our family. Since he's backed out him and my mother are at war! She's threatened to not come to our wedding. His contact the last few months has gotten less we've faught a few times over this,i'm getting doubts over his behaviour and lack of contact. He brushes off problems and says it's fine and that he still wants to marry me. Please help me understand what to do?!?!?

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Newly engaged and stressed
Posted: Jan 10, 2012 7:51 PM Go to message in response to: stressedbride1

Dear SB,

",i'm getting doubts over his behaviour and lack of contact."

I am going to zero in on this one sentence.

You (not mom, not best friend, not someone else) have doubts about his behavior and lack of contact.

It's time for you to put all wedding plans on ice and take some time to search your soul and decide what is best for you.

You having doubts is all I need to read in this message. You need to resolve those doubts, one way or the other, before going forward.

You might consider talking things over with someone who will act as a neutral party and hold the conversation in confidence: A clergy member, a professional counselor or therapist. That might give you some clarity.

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stressedbride1 Posts : 2 Registered: 1/10/12
Re: Newly engaged and stressed
Posted: Jan 12, 2012 4:40 PM Go to message in response to: Aunt

Dear Ashley2014
Thank you so much for your advise,spoke with him today,put my feelings on the table,and discovered he had no intention of moving down to me and is now putting all the blame on my mother. Explained to him,he walked out of his own accord and he couldn't blame my mother for it,cant help thinking he's just looking for a way out. Told him i'm not willing to be in a relationship where i'm giving up everything and he'll compromise nothing. Haven't spoken since that call. Dont know what he's thinking,or what he wants?!?! I know i love him,but he's had so many chances not cheating but walking out on me and using drink as an excuse and my mother.

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Newly engaged and stressed
Posted: Jan 12, 2012 5:37 PM Go to message in response to: stressedbride1

Dear SB,

Here is a lesson in life.

You can love many many people. After all, most people have great characterisics and you can find thing to love in almost everyone.

You can only marry one person.

I would like to bet your boyfriend has many wonderful personality traits and you have come to love those wonderful traits.

Unfortunately, the whole package does not add up. There are issues that you cannot live with.

I strongly suggest you back away from talk of marriage and reasses your situation.

I was in exactly that same situation about 40 years ago. I was engaged to a guy who was great in some ways, but terrible in others. Finally, I just decided my own sanity was worth more to me than that guy. I broke up with him and started going out with the man to whom I have been happily married for 35 years.

What happened to ex-BF? I looked him up in Google a few years ago and found court-ordered psychiatric evaluations. He was a plantiff in a court case and, following courtroom outbursts, the judge ordered ex-BF to see a psychiatrist before the case could continue.

Wow, did I ever dodge a bullet!!!

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pakistaniwedding Posts : 3 Registered: 2/1/12
Re: Newly engaged and stressed
Posted: Feb 5, 2012 8:15 PM Go to message in response to: stressedbride1

Are you totally engaged now or still in the process?

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springbride23 Posts : 20 Registered: 12/16/11
Re: Newly engaged and stressed
Posted: Feb 15, 2012 11:31 AM Go to message in response to: pakistaniwedding

Well I hope that everything works out for the best for you. I know what you are going through for I was in a similar situation that you are in. You have gotten some great advice so please take it and listen carefully.

The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants.

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