I've been told to bring a dish to share.. is this in lieu of a gift?

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uncertain1 Posts : 2 Registered: 7/26/11
I've been told to bring a dish to share.. is this in lieu of a gift?
Posted: Jul 26, 2011 3:04 PM

I received a Facebook invite to a "casual" beach wedding with a cookout reception.. the invite asks us to bring a dish, chair and alcoholic beverages.. I tried to rsvp without mentioning the dish that I'd bring and they called and left a message asking me what I was bringing!! I find this very strange.. first of all, we were given less than 2 weeks notice for this wedding. The wedding is an hour away.. which makes it very difficult to make a dish, obviously it can't be anything that is served warm and it shouldn't be something that is going to go bad on the trip up there..very frustrating. I don't think it would have bothered me so much, if they'd mentioned "in lieu of gifts, please bring a dish to share". So what do you think? Should we give a gift?

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: I've been told to bring a dish to share.. is this in lieu of a gift?
Posted: Jul 26, 2011 7:19 PM Go to message in response to: uncertain1

Dear Uncertain,

What nerve.

You are inclined not to go, since you are not at all close to these people, but you feel like you have already RSPVed "Yes".

Well, not really. You said "yes" on the RSVP, but that was not enough for them. They called back and asked you to brown bag your own food.

I would not have a single problem with replying that you are unable to bring a dish to share, thus, you will not be attending.

You were willing to attend should they be NORMAL and provide sufficient food and drink for their guests. You are not willing to attend now that you know you are expected to bring more than just your own selves.

This is really rude. I really cannot see going out of my way for this couple, especially since you say they are not close friends.

Reply back to the tune of "sorry, but we cannot accomodate your food request", send them a nice card and let that be it. They want the guests to foot the bill for their party. Just say "no".

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LJ2012 Posts : 19 Registered: 6/15/11
Re: I've been told to bring a dish to share.. is this in lieu of a gift?
Posted: Jul 27, 2011 1:30 PM Go to message in response to: Aunt

I do not care for pot luck receptions at all. If you can not afford to provide a full meal for all of your guests than you have a smaller reception or just serve cake and punch. That's just my opinion though.

I do think that it was rude of them to call and ask what you were bringing but I can understand why they called too.

I would buy them a nice card and order a tray of veggies or fruit and that's it.

They asked you to bring along your own beverages too?!

Some people I will just never understand!

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uncertain1 Posts : 2 Registered: 7/26/11
Re: I've been told to bring a dish to share.. is this in lieu of a gift?
Posted: Jul 28, 2011 9:14 AM Go to message in response to: uncertain1

Thank you all of your replies! My husband and I have decided to just bring a card, no gift.

Thank you!!

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: I've been told to bring a dish to share.. is this in lieu of a gift?
Posted: Jul 28, 2011 1:34 PM Go to message in response to: uncertain1

Dear Uncertain

"Thank you all of your replies! My husband and I have decided to just bring a card, no gift. "

Totally OK. These folks are not really picky about Proper Etiquette.

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