should I nudge him?

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mulcebar Posts : 2 Registered: 4/5/11
should I nudge him?
Posted: Apr 5, 2011 5:03 PM

I've been with my Boyfriend for 3 years now and I'm pretty sure we are going to stay together but I havent had the slightest hint towards him proposing any time soon. Should I let him know its what I want or just leave him in the dark? Ive heard some couples just discuss it openly but i dont want to scare him off.

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Beeble Posts : 306 Registered: 11/19/09
Re: should I nudge him?
Posted: Apr 5, 2011 5:51 PM Go to message in response to: mulcebar

I would say definately discuss it. If you have been together for 3 years a discussion of your future and what you want it to look like together is totally reasonable.

I'm sure Aunt will have some good advice on how to approach this... including the set the date in your head thing. lol

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bearma Posts : 23 Registered: 12/9/07
Re: should I nudge him?
Posted: Apr 5, 2011 6:53 PM Go to message in response to: mulcebar

If he gets "scared off" when the woman he has been dating for 3 years wants to discuss marriage, then consider yourself lucky to be free from that relationship.

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: should I nudge him?
Posted: Apr 5, 2011 7:05 PM Go to message in response to: mulcebar

Dear Mulce,

CS pretty much took the words out of my mouth.

You need to have some kind of "Let's talk about Us." discussion simply because you don't want to spend years or decades waiting for marriage when the guy has no desire to get married.

Here's a good approach. Wait until you are in a comfy mood, and say "Where do you see yourself in another year? Another five years? Another ten years?".

Then, just listen. All sorts of topics can come up in such a conversation, not necessarily marriage. He might be thinking of more formal education, going into business for himself, moving to the same city with his parents, whatever.

Listen to what he has to say. Then, offer your own view of where you want to be in the future.

Do those two futures look similar?

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cellabowi Posts : 6 Registered: 10/13/11
Re: should I nudge him?
Posted: Oct 16, 2011 2:23 AM Go to message in response to: mulcebar

I agree with the other ladies here, that you should probably have some general discussion about your future.
Though, if you know that you want to be with him/marry him, and you believe that he may also feel the same way, then why not propose to him?
I knew that my FH wanted to be with me, but was just weird (I'm not sure if that's quite the right word) when it came to marriage. In the end I proposed to him, and it all worked out ok since our wedding is in 5 months.
Don't feel like you have to wait for him to ask you.

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GraceKelly Posts : 15 Registered: 10/7/11
Re: should I nudge him?
Posted: Oct 18, 2011 8:05 AM Go to message in response to: mulcebar

I think that after 3 years, discussing it isn't unreasonable :)

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happychloe Posts : 21 Registered: 8/11/11
Re: should I nudge him?
Posted: Nov 1, 2011 3:33 AM Go to message in response to: GraceKelly

tell him what's your feeling~

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MariaPearce Posts : 20 Registered: 10/11/11
Re: should I nudge him?
Posted: Nov 2, 2011 9:38 AM Go to message in response to: happychloe

I think it's ok to talk about your future together and where things are going, so you aren't wasting your time if you find out that you both have different plans for the future. However, you don't want to seem pushy and rush to the altar because it's a big decision to get married, and it's something that you need to be absolutely sure of

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kikicoco Posts : 28 Registered: 11/6/11
Re: should I nudge him?
Posted: Nov 15, 2011 1:30 AM Go to message in response to: mulcebar

You can indecate that you want to get married. :)

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bnsp09 Posts : 5 Registered: 1/12/08
Re: should I nudge him?
Posted: Dec 22, 2011 11:50 AM Go to message in response to: mulcebar

I completely agree to talk about it with him. Asking the goals for the next yr, 5, 10 is a great way to do it without pushing the marriage subject on him.
Also be sure you are ready for his answers before you have the conversation. Be ready to hear anything & not to be defensive or angry with his answers (easier said then done I know)

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JamesAlicia0612 Posts : 9 Registered: 12/24/11
Re: should I nudge him?
Posted: Dec 24, 2011 7:00 PM Go to message in response to: mulcebar

If you've been with this man for over 3 years, I find it to be a large red flag if you feel like discussing marriage or the future with him will "scare him off".

If you don't have that open communication now, how do you expect to have it once you're married?

I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, I'm just being honest.

Way too many women and men feel like marriage is a magic wand that will "fix" things, make things better, make your relationship stronger. Nothing could be further from the truth. Marriage only bonds you either spiritually and in the eyes of the government or vice versa.

You as a couple are responsible for "fixing" things, they're not going to change once you get married just because you got married.

If I were you I would be slightly terrified that I had been with a man for 3 years and hadn't brought up marriage previously, even moreso that I was worried if I had he would leave.


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