I am the maid of honor for my best friend from high school's wedding this summer. There are two other bridesmaids who I have not met before, but we have all been in email correspondence regarding dresses, etc. I recently contacted the bride for some dates to throw her a bridal shower. I also asked if she wanted to invite her mother since the shower was going to be out of town and wasn't sure if she wanted her mom to travel. She said that I did not need to invite her mom, because one of the other bridesmaids already threw her a bridal shower in her home town. I didn't say anything about it to the bride, because I know she has a lot going on and the bridal showers are not her responsibility, but I am very offended that one of the other bridesmaids already threw a shower that I had no idea about. I understand that many brides have multiple bridal showers, but shouldn't the other bridesmaid have at least invited me?
This is my first time as a bridesmaid, so maybe I am wrong but it seemed odd to me.
Yes I think you have every right to be upset about not being told so that you couldn't even make a decision to participate. That's extremely frustrating.
That said - you were ABSOLUTELY right not to say anything to the bride. She has enough going on.
Now you have a decision to make. I'm going to assume that since they already threw her a shower, they probably don't want to be involved in another.
However, YOU should not return rudeness with rudeness. You should contact the other BMs and let them know that you are planning a shower (as long as you are able to do so on your own) and allow them the courtesy to decline or accept (that they didn't allow you).
Hopefully, you'll still be able to do a shower for your friend - hey, it will probably have less people which might make it easier for you!
Meanwhile, I wouldn't get into it with the other BMs. As Aunt would say, there's private thoughts - that was incredibly rude. And public expression - Oh I heard you had already thrown Susie a shower - I'm also planning one here and didn't know if you wanted to be involved.
ALSO, if you were thinking of doing a Bachelorette party night - I would start on that NOW because you may find they are already doing things.....
Pharm said pretty much the same thing I am thinking.
Yes, it was rude of them to throw a shower and not tell you nor invite you.
No, you should not say anything. There are Private Thoughts (she is ROTTEN) and Public Expression (how nice they did that for the bride).
I do suggest you invite the bride's mother, as mothers and FMILs should always be invited to any shower. If the mother choose not to go, that's their business. You will have done the right thing by inviting them.
You also need to invite the other bridesmaids. Again, it's the right thing to do.
There are a lot of Etiquette Mistakes here. Just suck it up and rise above it all. Then, after W-Day, you can reconsider your friendships with the bride and the other bridesmaids.