Confused and disappointed

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michelise Posts : 1 Registered: 2/21/11
Confused and disappointed
Posted: Feb 21, 2011 7:37 PM

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 6 years now and have in the past 6 months been seriously talking about getting married in the close future. We had a cruise scheduled Jan 2-9th which left from Baltimore. So the night before we were boarding the ship, he wanted to take me for a walk around the Baltimore harbor. Well in the middle of the walk he took me out onto one of the docks and began to get on one knee and clueless me at that point I told him to stop joking around (which is his personality). So he got up and we continued with our walk, as I continued to question him on whether he was joking or not since he hadn't said anything previously. I know he has already bought a ring since I found the envelope from the jewelers on accident and we have just discussed this past weekend the previous "almost proposal" in which he told me he was really trying to ask me but that he was too nervous at that point to continue on after I thought he was joking.

Just this past weekend, we found out that his brother got engaged to his girlfriend of 2 years, which has really upset both of us to the point that we feel we should out of respect for them postpone our plans to get engaged and married and out of not wanting everyone to think we just followed suit along with them.

We have been talking about how we can go about what we need to do for us and our lives but are frustrated that this had to happen simultaneously. I feel like we now have to wait until after they get married, which they are thinking June of 2012 for us to get married. Would it be disrespectful or stealing the show if we were to plan our very small destination wedding (less than 10 people) for later on this year or early next year (since we want to have a short engagement)? Any advice or anyone else go thru a similar situation?


bearma Posts : 23 Registered: 12/9/07
Re: Confused and disappointed
Posted: Feb 21, 2011 8:15 PM Go to message in response to: michelise

Why would living your life be disrespectful to your FH's brother and fiance? You are talking about something happy, not something that will bring them down. It sounds like this was just the right time for you two get engaged and coincidentally theirs too. You two have been dating for 6 years so I doubt that anyone will think you suddenly came up with the idea once they got engaged. I'm sure some of your family members are already expecting it soon anyway.

I got engaged exactly a week after my brother did. They got engaged on x-mas eve and we got engaged on new years eve. My family was shocked that there was 2 awesome announcements so close together! So great news all around. And my family is actually pretty dysfunctional most of the time, but good news is good news.


Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Confused and disappointed
Posted: Feb 21, 2011 8:46 PM Go to message in response to: michelise

Dear Mic,

I see no reason for you to bend over backwards to accommodate the other engagement.

In other words: You are too nice.

We have people come here all the time whining about the fact that someone else got engaged after them, before them, married after their date, married before their date, whatever.

The standard boilerplate advice to such complainers is this: You get one day.

Yep, one day. Not an entire week, not an entire month, not an entire year. One day.

I'm telling you the same thing. They get one day. So long as you avoid that one day, you and your boyfriend can make whatever plans you want on whatever schedule that best suits your needs. It is good of you to be considerate of the other couple, but you still have your own life to lead.

Why not set a tentative date, then in a private setting (just you and the other couple), ask them what they think. If you have been considerate, and if they are nice people, the chances are pretty good they will be happy for you and supportive.

If they are self-centered brats, then you need only quietly inform them of the date and walk away from the tantrum.


PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Confused and disappointed
Posted: Feb 21, 2011 10:35 PM Go to message in response to: michelise

I'm with Aunt. As long as you are not getting married within a couple of weeks of one another (though you it is 'one' day) then there is no reason to be worried about it.

Good luck and congrats!





Huntress Posts : 1 Registered: 2/18/11
Re: Confused and disappointed
Posted: Feb 22, 2011 3:51 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

i'm with the others on this one, its not about stealing the show and who's creating a scene. to get engage is a sign that you are considering to take your relationship another level higher... this is all about you, your partner and your relationship, its not suppose to be shown off... well not that much. :))

Edited by: Huntress on Feb 22, 2011 3:52 AM


greenpansy Posts : 55 Registered: 6/23/09
Re: Confused and disappointed
Posted: Feb 22, 2011 10:34 PM Go to message in response to: Huntress

You said you are planning a very small destination wedding. Well that is almost eloping, so as long as you aren't having your wedding the same weekend they are planning theirs, then I don't see a problem.

My FH and I went through something similar with his brother and bro's fiancee. His brother tried to turn the whole thing into a competition to see who was the better couple. Any plans my FH and I made, they had to one-up us. My FH and I finally sat down and talked about it and I told him that he needed to quit worrying about what L and M were doing and just worry about our own plans. That we are a strong couple and whatever they are doing is their thing and of no concern to us. Ultimately, my FH and I are getting married this Saturday and L and M are on the verge of breaking up (Long story there).

I say all this to say that you can't worry about what everyone else is doing. Take the time to be happy for you and your BF.


PolarIce Posts : 39 Registered: 12/17/10
Re: Confused and disappointed
Posted: Feb 23, 2011 1:17 PM Go to message in response to: michelise

Everything that needed to be said, has already been posted I think.
At the end of the day, you and your partner are your own people. When or how or why for that matter should only matter to you both. The fact that another couple that is near you guys got engaged, married, or farted, should NOT matter.

This is such a special time, its such a wonderful experience to be able to go through and have. Go ahead go through with this, be happy. Don't worry about what the world thinks.


swichwang34 Posts : 657 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: Confused and disappointed
Posted: Sep 13, 2012 6:49 PM Go to message in response to: michelise

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