Daunting Question I Need to Ask?

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Heather2256 Posts : 8 Registered: 2/11/11
Daunting Question I Need to Ask?
Posted: Feb 14, 2011 7:44 AM

There's been something that I've been needing to ask my BF. And I've been wondering if it's reasonable to ask him, especially since I know he'll be proposing. I want to ask him once I become his wife, will he not put anything or anyone else before me, and do the same for our eventual children.

The only reason I want to ask is 1) we've gone through a lot involving his family & I want to make sure he's not going to put them before me (& our future children) & decide to do things because their his family and; 2) every guy I know would say that his wife & children come before all else, including the other people in his family. My dad would say it, even my ex-brother-in-law would. And with my ex-BIL that was the only good thing about him while he was married to my sister. Every time my BF & I would be going through another issue with his family (which included them living with us most of the time) my ex-BIL would say my BF needs to not let anything come before me & our relationship.

Is it reasonable to ask my BF this? It's just something I need to know. Last night his mother told us that when she stays over tonight (yes, tonight) that his little sister wants to come over. I laughed a little when he told me & he said, "You don't need to laugh. When it comes to my family I'll make the decisions." The only reason I laughed was we've had some major problems with the girl & neither of us, especially me, want her around our house.

So I'm worried if I ask him that he'll say he won't. Because he's extremely close to his family, especially his mother. Which I completely understand, but shouldn't your spouse & children come before all else?

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Daunting Question I Need to Ask?
Posted: Feb 14, 2011 8:04 AM Go to message in response to: Heather2256

he needs to understand that when it comes to decisions regarding his family, HE WILL COMMUNICATE THEM.

However, when it comes to decisions regarding YOUR household, the TWO OF YOU will make them.

If he cannot do that, then you need to kick him to the curb. Sorry.

Misty

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Heather2256 Posts : 8 Registered: 2/11/11
Re: Daunting Question I Need to Ask?
Posted: Feb 14, 2011 8:30 AM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

Funny thing is, when he communicates them, and wants to discuss (such as someone living in 'our' house) he'll want to hear what I think, but ultimately it's his choice. Everytime someone has moved in here I've objected & it's always turned out bad. I've tried to keep my cool (I was even on anti-depression & anxiety meds when his mom & little sis lived here) but it doesn't work. And he tells me it's 'our' house, but he tends to remind that he will decide what goes on in 'his' house. And when we become family (married) shouldn't everything be decided together??

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Daunting Question I Need to Ask?
Posted: Feb 14, 2011 9:55 AM Go to message in response to: Heather2256

dear Heather,

"he'll want to hear what I think, but ultimately it's his choice"

WHAT??!!???

Run. Don't walk. Run.

That is a "daunting question" because you know that if he answers truthfully, based on past behavior, you will not hear the answer you want to hear.

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swichwang34 Posts : 657 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: Daunting Question I Need to Ask?
Posted: Sep 13, 2012 7:48 AM Go to message in response to: Heather2256
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wzq103 Posts : 1,190 Registered: 9/11/12
Re: Daunting Question I Need to Ask?
Posted: Sep 13, 2012 3:37 PM Go to message in response to: Heather2256

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