Trying to decide if we're crazy or not...

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JeniGail Posts : 2 Registered: 1/25/11
Trying to decide if we're crazy or not...
Posted: Jan 27, 2011 2:22 PM

My bf & I have made the transition from "just dating" to "know we want to get married". We've started looking at rings and talking about what we want...all that. My question is, is it weird that we're starting to "plan" wedding details before he's proposed? We don't believe in long engagements so we're looking at getting married later this year. But because I am thinking about how quickly things get booked (and we're looking at the possibility of a destination wedding) I feel like we need to be getting some type of rough plan put together now.

Weird? Crazy? Totally normal?

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Trying to decide if we're crazy or not...
Posted: Jan 27, 2011 2:52 PM Go to message in response to: JeniGail

I think it's fine but I would be hesitant to put money down on anything. That's just me.

Others would consider you engaged because you've discussed it and would encourage you to continue with that.

So I think you're OK either way - and congrats!

 

 

 

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Ripley2011 Posts : 10 Registered: 1/26/11
Re: Trying to decide if we're crazy or not...
Posted: Jan 27, 2011 3:30 PM Go to message in response to: JeniGail

My situation was similar. My (then) bf and I decided in July to get married within a year, and I started planning before we announced our engagement. It was important to him to be able to give me a ring and a "proper" proposal, and he asked that we not tell anyone until he was able to do so. He took a month to save for the ring then popped the question, and then we told everyone. Within a month we finalized our date and started interviewing vendors. There's plenty of planning that you can do prior to being able to announce your engagement and set a date, so I wouldn't feel weird about getting started.

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Trying to decide if we're crazy or not...
Posted: Jan 27, 2011 3:34 PM Go to message in response to: JeniGail

Dear Jeni,

There's nothing wrong with exploring options and having conversations like "I loved the balloons at Bob and Mary's wedding. What did you think?".

After all, there are 13-year olds who say, to themselves, "I totally want an off-white dress, someday.".

Just don't make firm plans, nor put down money until you're really engaged and have a real date.

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greenpansy Posts : 55 Registered: 6/23/09
Re: Trying to decide if we're crazy or not...
Posted: Jan 27, 2011 3:34 PM Go to message in response to: JeniGail

If you want to get completely technical about it, my DF and I never really got engaged. He still hasn't officially popped the question and he is still paying on my engagement ring, but we are getting married in 30 days. Invites have gone out and all the planning is basically done.

I think if you are both certain that this is what you want then starting in the early stages of planning is ok. That way when the time comes, you already have everything pretty much figured out and you are not scrounging at the last minute.

Good luck, and Congrats!!

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JeniGail Posts : 2 Registered: 1/25/11
Re: Trying to decide if we're crazy or not...
Posted: Jan 27, 2011 4:16 PM Go to message in response to: greenpansy

Thank you for saying I'm not crazy :o) We aren't talking about putting any money down for anything but since I'm a "planner" type of personality I wanted to go ahead & start talking about what we wanted.

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Trying to decide if we're crazy or not...
Posted: Jan 27, 2011 4:55 PM Go to message in response to: JeniGail

Dear Jeni,

" I wanted to go ahead & start talking about what we wanted."

It sounds to me as if you have the right idea. After all, when a couple is approaching an engagement and marriage, they need to talk about important things before getting in deeper.

Imagine picturing a large, formal wedding, then hearing "I hate that kind of formal junk" from your SO. What now? Do you compromise? How? Will there be other issues in you future life where you have very different visions for the way you want to live?

"I can't wait until I own a house and can live there for years and fix it up."
"I want to rent and move every six months, or so."

"I want to continue my education."
"I don't see the value in book-learning."

"I want to travel and see the world."
"There's no place I would rather be than home."

So, yes, have those exporatory conversations with your boyfriend, not just about wedding plans, but about "Life".

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kakers Posts : 12 Registered: 1/22/11
Re: Trying to decide if we're crazy or not...
Posted: Jan 28, 2011 3:19 PM Go to message in response to: JeniGail

You sound a lot like me! We still aren't technically (in our opinion) engaged yet, he is still ring shopping and will be talking to my parents before the actual proposal. But we're starting to discuss what we want for the wedding. Of course we aren't putting any money down on anything yet, we're just taking stock of what out options are and what we'd like to have. There's a lot to think about, and if we waited to start looking at everything until after he proposes we'd have less than a year. I don't want everything to be rushed or to be overwhelmed with planning- especially because he also wants to buy a house in the next year and a half which will of course also absorb much of our time!

I think it's definitely reasonable to start talking about what you want before you are officially engaged.

~Katy

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Heather2256 Posts : 8 Registered: 2/11/11
Re: Trying to decide if we're crazy or not...
Posted: Feb 11, 2011 1:56 AM Go to message in response to: JeniGail

I wouldn't say you're crazy. It's good to have an idea of what you want. My BF & I aren't yet engaged but he started talkin about it before me! A year or two ago he had the idea of having a halloween wedding. Don't know it we'll still go with it but it would definately be something! I'm just not a fan of orange...

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WoodlandBride Posts : 52 Registered: 1/6/11
Re: Trying to decide if we're crazy or not...
Posted: Feb 11, 2011 9:46 AM Go to message in response to: Heather2256

You are not crazy. I am getting married on Nov 19th and yet to have a ring on my finger.

We have been planning for a few months, the site, DJ and photographer are booked. We just had a financial loop thrown our way, so we decided to buy a much less expensive ring (he let me pick it out). However, because we did not buy it at the jewelers where we had it sized, it took a long time (3weeks) for them to size the ring. We just got it back this week. I know BF wants to "do it right" (I keep telling him that means right now :-)). I am thinking it will be this weekend or next.

In my mind, we have agreed to marry, therefore we are engaged. However, knowing that there is a ring coming is stopping from making the 'formal announcement' just yet.
It does get a little nerve-wracking waiting, but it's all good.

Good luck with your planning and a pre-emptive congrats!

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WoodlandBride Posts : 52 Registered: 1/6/11
Re: Trying to decide if we're crazy or not...
Posted: Feb 14, 2011 3:05 PM Go to message in response to: WoodlandBride

BTW- Update..... He formally proposed Sat night! It's official

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stevebevan10 Posts : 1 Registered: 2/16/11
Re: Trying to decide if we're crazy or not...
Posted: Feb 16, 2011 5:42 AM Go to message in response to: WoodlandBride

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Re: Trying to decide if we're crazy or not...
Posted: Feb 17, 2011 1:25 AM Go to message in response to: JeniGail

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Re: Trying to decide if we're crazy or not...
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