FH Family Issues!! Best Man Drama WOW!!

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Bridetobeshanac Posts : 11 Registered: 8/31/09
FH Family Issues!! Best Man Drama WOW!!
Posted: Oct 17, 2009 6:08 AM

Well, we're getting married in a little over 10 months, and while I have all of my bridesmaida, FH can't really decide about the best man. He has a brother, but only on his Biological father's side. So we had planned on him being the best man. Then the engagement announcement came out in the paper last weekend, and bio dad wasn't mentioned(per FH) His mom and stepdad were listed as his parents. When his brother saw this, He flipped out. So now Roderick who really wants his brother there his torn, because bio dad lives in the same town and has done nothing for him. I think bringing it up brought up old feelings and now FH has been in a REALL bad mood. So how would you suggest I handle this!!


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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: FH Family Issues!! Best Man Drama WOW!!
Posted: Oct 17, 2009 9:45 AM Go to message in response to: Bridetobeshanac

Well, the fact is you need to let your FH deal with it. You have 10 months, you have time.

I'll tell you what I did in my situation - My DH couldn't decide on who his Best Man was going to be, in fact about 9 months out maybe, he decided he did want 2 more friends in the grooms party.

Then he couldn't decide on the BM. He had his bro, my bro and 2 friends. He's not close to his bro, so he was actually torn between his two friends.

I basically gave him a deadline (because he won't make a decision) and I didn't mention it again - unless he brought it up. I have him until 3 months before the wedding.

Other than that, all you can really do is let him know you'll be supportive of any decision he makes.


 

 

 

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FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: FH Family Issues!! Best Man Drama WOW!!
Posted: Oct 18, 2009 10:33 PM Go to message in response to: Bridetobeshanac

Wow... I am so used to MOH drama... this is different! Well, you are doing everything right so far. Just be patient with FH and be supportive. You have the right to pick your MOH and if someone gets their feelings hurt, then that is sad but that is the way it is. And your FH has the right to pick his BM and he should not feel guilty. He should pick the person he feels closest to and then just be okay with the decision. If feelings get hurt, well... that is the way things happen sometimes.

You are doing everything right. Be supportive. Give him space. Don't try to fix it for him. Does that help?

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: FH Family Issues!! Best Man Drama WOW!!
Posted: Oct 18, 2009 11:00 PM Go to message in response to: Bridetobeshanac

Dear Shana,

YOU don't do anything.

FH has his relationship with his family, for what it's worth. It was his decision to run the newspaper engagement announcement as he did. He is now facing the consequences of a ticked-off family.

He needs to either figure out how to smooth over the hurt feelings and keep Bro as a best man or find a different best man and alienate Bro fora good long time.

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Bridetobeshanac Posts : 11 Registered: 8/31/09
Future Mother in law issues... Maybe
Posted: Oct 21, 2009 2:25 AM Go to message in response to: Bridetobeshanac

Thank you so much for the advice ladies!! I have just let it go. we still have 10 months so there is definitely time. I do have another issue that just came up recently. My FH has been coming to church with me for the past three months, After previously not going for 7 years! The church I attend is a diffrent deomination than what he was raised. Anyway, his mother tells him on Sunday that he needs to come back to the "real" church, and that he better not get baptized at my church. FH was very firm with his mother and stated that he was a grown man and he went to church where he felt at home. Am I wrong or right. It should not matter what denomination he attends as long as he attends somewhere? I mean, gosh it's not like I am forcing him!! I even suggested going to the other church sometimes. I really think that his mother realizes that she is losing her grip on him and she is grasping at straws to manipulate. What do you thnk? Is it my imagination?


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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Future Mother in law issues... Maybe
Posted: Oct 21, 2009 2:56 AM Go to message in response to: Bridetobeshanac

You are not crazy.

It doesn't matter if he wants to attend a different denomination, or if he suddenly were to decide he's an athiest. It is NOT her place to tell him what to do - he's a grown man!
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Future Mother in law issues... Maybe
Posted: Oct 21, 2009 10:31 AM Go to message in response to: Bridetobeshanac

Brides - Again, this is his fight to fight if he choses to do so.

I personally don't see the issue, but I know others who would. Heck, I had someone tell my that Catholicism is not Christianity. rolls eyes

So some people take these things very seriously.

It does sound like she's trying to manipulate him, but that fact is, as long as he stands up to her on things you both have already decided then it's a non-issue. She can try all she wants, it's annoying, but it's his issue to deal with while you support him.

 

 

 

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Sevati Posts : 29 Registered: 1/3/11
Re: Future Mother in law issues... Maybe
Posted: Jan 4, 2011 10:41 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Least you didn't have your aunt qoute a particular verse of Leviticus (I think thats were this qoute is) to you. "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." I converted from Baptist to Paganism/Unitarian (I believe all religions are one and all God/desses are one).

“In brightest day, in blackest night, No evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil’s might, Beware my power… Green Lantern’s light!“

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WellWisher Posts : 175 Registered: 1/2/10
Re: Future Mother in law issues... Maybe
Posted: Jan 5, 2011 12:05 AM Go to message in response to: Sevati

Well, most Christian denominations believe that only one baptism is necessary, so his mom seems pretty unnecessarily crazy.

Once again, it's not your battle. He's got to take care of himself. Smile nicely in front of your FMIL and don't bring it up in conversation. This too shall pass.

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Moderator Posts : 211 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: Future Mother in law issues... Maybe
Posted: Jan 5, 2011 1:39 PM Go to message in response to: Sevati

Ladies, this thread is from 2009. The OP no longer posts here.

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