Its been a while!

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zoe1983 Posts : 115 Registered: 4/8/09
Its been a while!
Posted: Aug 7, 2010 9:26 AM

Hi everyone! Not sure if anyone will remember me but I used to be on here alot! Then my wedding got cancelled a month before the big day (In April) and I had to move and don't have the internet anymore.Basically my fiance decided that after six years of being together and buying a house together that things had gone south after year 5 and he just never told me. Of course that is just the excuse he used to justify that fact that he spent the last few months of our relationship cheating on me with his coworker. Anyways he now has our house and dog and is still with the girl. I moved back into a nearby condo that my parents own and am trying to heal.

I am at my parents house today because we are going to the wedding of my best friend. I was supposed to be her maid of honor but when my wedding got cancelled she kinda hinted that maybe I wouldnt want to be her maid of honor anymore. It was only a couple of weeks after everything happened and I was still really upset so I just agreed to step down. I am still kinda hurt about it though I do really think she thought it was for the best.

Anyways I am kind of nervous to go to her wedding...not sure how it will make me feel. I now realize that marrying my exfiance would have been the biggest mistake of my life...but it still hurts to be alone after 6 years you know?

Anyways sorry to ramble like this but I just wanted to check in and say hi. Hope everyone else has had better luck than me!!

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Its been a while!
Posted: Aug 7, 2010 11:10 AM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

Dear Zoe,

I'm happy to hear you dodged a bullet and did not marry someone totally wrong for you. Yeah, that's six years down the drain, but you came out of it wiser and stronger.

As for your friend's wedding, just suck it up and go. It probably will feel weird, but it would be worse to not go. Small-minded people will just think you are staying home to nurse a broken heart.

Better to attend with a smile on your face and sincere best wishes for the newlyweds. Pretend that ditching Mr Loser was the best thing that ever happened to you, and that you are facing your bright future with optimism.

Which happens to be true!!!

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zoe1983 Posts : 115 Registered: 4/8/09
Re: Its been a while!
Posted: Aug 7, 2010 12:01 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Thanks for the nice words aunt. I have gotten to the point were I know it was best for him and I to end things. I guess its just my ego that is still really bruised. Heck I miss the dog more than I miss my ex!!

I am good at faking it so I am sure that I will do just fine at the wedding. I am just worried about the after effects. I have severe depression and anxiety that I have just now begun to get under control and so I still worry it might come back at any moment.

Also, I am not looking forward to the bouqet toss. I was purposefully leaving that out of my wedding because I think its humiliating and demeaning. I know I can't avoid it at my friends wedding or people will just talk about me more.

The stupidest part is that I have actually lost 60 pounds since everyone saw me last at my own bridal shower, but I still have about 75 to lose. I just know everyone is going to feel pity for the poor fat girl that had her own wedding cancelled at the last minute....

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Mdwstbabe83 Posts : 10 Registered: 8/12/09
Re: Its been a while!
Posted: Aug 7, 2010 1:13 PM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

Dear Zoe1983,
Im glad to hear you are doing ok. I can't imagine how hard that must be. Let me tell you although it may feel as though it's your fault, it definitely is not, by any means. Whatever he did to you was because of himself. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. Someday you will find yourself a real man who will treat you like a princess, or better yet, a Queen. I don't want you to call yourself fat either, don't put yourself down because of his stupid, and idiotic decisions that he couldn't be man enough to tell you from day one, and even sit and talk to you about it. He shouldnt've let your relationship get that far if he was feeling that way for as long as he did. What happened with the house? The dog? Why don't you have a say in the things you get after a breakup...were they his to begin with??
You seem to have such a beautiful soul. I really hope you find everything in this world that is beautiful, and exactly what you deserve, although I don't know you at all. I don't believe in cheating and no one deserves that, no matter ho cruel the other person is.
If you'd like to keep in touch, please contact me. I would love to talk with you. Anytime you need a friend. I wish you all the best. Im so very glad you posted today. I was wondering what happened to you! Good Luck Zoe1983!!

Enjoy your special day, because it's your perfect day to reflect on your love for each other!

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Its been a while!
Posted: Aug 7, 2010 5:01 PM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

Dear Zoe,

"Also, I am not looking forward to the bouqet toss"

Yeah, well, why not just skip it? When they call for single women to gather for the bouquet toss, just stay where you are. If anyone urges you to get up, just say "Oh, I think I'll sit this one out.".

Just say no.

I feel for you, I truly do, and hope you are able to get through it.

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zoe1983 Posts : 115 Registered: 4/8/09
Re: Its been a while!
Posted: Aug 7, 2010 9:36 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Thank you so much for the support! I just got back from the wedding and it went ok. I was able to avoid the bouqet toss and the open bar, which I was afraid might cause problems. I couldn't help lookinhg around though and thinking about how much prettier my bouqet was going to be, or how much cooler my cake was going to look. I know thats petty but I just couldn't get the thoughts out of my head!

Overall, It was ok, but I definitly missed having a guy by my side. Its funny though because during the maid of honor speech the girl said that you need to find the guy that isnt the one you can live with but the one that you cant live without. Well it made me realize that I have been living just fine without my ex so I know thats a good thing. I just really really wish he was the one you know?!? Its just so intimidating and overwhelming to be starting over again at square one!

As far as the house goes...I sold my half to him because I couldnt afford to live there on my own and to be honest I hated the place! It just bothers me because we would never have been able to buy the house without my finances and hard work in the first place! The dog was his before I met him but he did offer him to me, mostly because his new girlfriend has kids and the dog hates kids! I can't have pets were I am living right now though so I couldn't take him. Its really lonely living all alone!

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Its been a while!
Posted: Aug 7, 2010 10:16 PM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

Dear Zoe,

You did good, girlfriend.

"I couldn't help lookinhg around though and thinking"

What goes on in the privacy of your own thoughts is your business.

Yep, you survived. Now, just be open to what Life has in store for you next!

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Its been a while!
Posted: Aug 8, 2010 2:34 PM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

Zoe you are a strong woman and I believe that better things are going to come your way. Just give it time. I will also suggest if you can, move to a place that does allow pets. Having pets is a great way to get through the bad stuff. Pets are very theraputic (sp). I wish you the best and thanks for popping up here again and giving us an update :)

Photobucket wedding ticker

Visit my wedding website http://www.mywedding.com/alanandjarlyn

Check out my wedding pictures in the photo gallery of my wedding website!!! :)

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Its been a while!
Posted: Sep 11, 2010 9:26 PM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

Zoe - Glad to hear that things went OK with your friend's wedding.

See if you can volunteer at a local animal shelter - preferably no-kill so you don't feel as bad about leaving the animals there. I volunteer at my local SPCA and it's great. I have cats at home (4) and no time or room for a dog - but I know that I'm helping them out at the shelter - taking them for walks and spending time with them!

 

 

 

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myras Posts : 396 Registered: 2/26/10
Re: Its been a while!
Posted: Sep 11, 2010 9:46 PM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

"Heck I miss the dog more than I miss my ex!!"

Sorry, that one gave me a laugh of recognition. When my first husband and I split, he got the beloved Siamese cat. Truly, that was the hardest part of the breakup--I guess that says something about that relationship!!

You dodged a bullet, girl. I wish you'd check out the "Waiting" forum, where there are all those girls hanging in there year after year, with guys who are "not ready" to commit to them, and probably never will be. I bet you'd have some good, constructive advice for them.

You WILL heal, and you will find someone amazing. I went through a divorce, my daughter through a broken engagement, and lots of friends have had similar experiences. We all found something much better in our lives, and you will too. Stay strong!

myra@classysassyweddings.com

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swichwang34 Posts : 657 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: Its been a while!
Posted: Sep 13, 2012 7:49 PM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

Maggie Sottero Wedding Dress Starting form 229.95USD
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swichwang34 Posts : 657 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: Its been a while!
Posted: Sep 16, 2012 1:39 AM Go to message in response to: zoe1983

Maggie Sottero Wedding Dress Starting form 229.95USD
Click Here: http://www.bestbridalprices.us/designer-bridal-collections-maggie-sottero-c-420_467.html

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