2nd Wedding/No Shower/How to advise of Registry?

Online Users: 1,342 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 9

modeania Posts : 1 Registered: 7/27/10
2nd Wedding/No Shower/How to advise of Registry?
Posted: Jul 27, 2010 9:32 PM

We do not need ANYTHING for our home...toasters, vacuums, blenders, etc. In fact, we are getting rid of some of the duplicates from combining our 2 homes.

This is both our 2nd wedding - I have grown children. All we NEED is some $$ assistance to go towards a honeymoon.

We have registered on a honeymoon registry site, where you can give folks the option of purchasing increments towards your lodging, airfare, etc.

There will be no showers.

HOW do I let people know this is where we are registered, without being tacky?

HELP please?

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myras Posts : 396 Registered: 2/26/10
Re: 2nd Wedding/No Shower/How to advise of Registry?
Posted: Jul 27, 2010 10:19 PM Go to message in response to: modeania

If people want to know, they will ask. Let your parents and bridal party know the necessary information, so if people contact them, they can give it out. If people DON'T ask, then don't say anything. They will do (or give) what they want to. It's not up to you to determine what they decide to give.

myra@classysassyweddings.com

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: 2nd Wedding/No Shower/How to advise of Registry?
Posted: Jul 27, 2010 11:07 PM Go to message in response to: modeania

Dear Mod,

If someone asks, you are free to say "We would really like a great honeymoon."

If they don't ask, you are not to dip into their pocketbook and tell them how to spend their money.

I think honeymoon registries are tacky. If someone wants to give you cash for a honeymoon, they can give you a check with "For Your Honeymoon" written on the outside of the envelope. Why give a cut to a middle person? That's just plain dumb.

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KathrynGetsHitc... Posts : 8 Registered: 1/30/08
Re: 2nd Wedding/No Shower/How to advise of Registry?
Posted: Jul 30, 2010 12:32 PM Go to message in response to: modeania

We used a honeymoon registry and our guests loved it. It helped personalize each gift and we were able to plan an amazing honeymoon. We set-up a free wedding website through WeddingChannel.com and included the link to it on our information cards in the invitation. On our wedding website we had a Registry section and included a link to our honeymoon registry with Traveler's Joy. We had no etiquette issues with our family and friends and did some extensive research but we also included one box store on our registry list just in case. I found this article regarding etiquette in the Wall Street Journal.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121020123458375115.html

"A honeymoon is a perfectly appropriate gift to request," says Peter Post, president of the Emily Post Institute, a Burlington, Vt., etiquette think tank. "There's no objection to it from an etiquette point of view."

Mr. Post advises that couples who are registering for a honeymoon also select nonhoneymoon gift options in the event some guests feel awkward funding a vacation.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: 2nd Wedding/No Shower/How to advise of Registry?
Posted: Jul 30, 2010 5:51 PM Go to message in response to: KathrynGetsHitc...

Dear Katheryn

"We had no etiquette issues with our family and friends "

None that you know of. If I was a wedding guest invited to a wedding where the couple (1) included registry info in the invitation and (2) registered for a honeymoon, I would not say a word.

My private thoughts about their greediness would remain private.

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KathrynGetsHitc... Posts : 8 Registered: 1/30/08
Re: 2nd Wedding/No Shower/How to advise of Registry?
Posted: Jul 31, 2010 1:59 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Dear AuntoftheBride (does this mean you were never a bride?):

Your reply clearly indicates you didn't read my post. I never said we included a link to our registry on our invitations. I said the following:

"We set-up a free wedding website through WeddingChannel.com and included the link to it on our information cards in the invitation. On our wedding website we had a Registry section and included a link to our honeymoon registry with Traveler's Joy."

Regarding your second comment, over 95% of our guests bought gifts from our honeymoon registry. The other 4% bought gifts from Crate and Barrel and 1% gave a check (primarily our older relatives). Enough said.

Our family lives all over the world and travel is their passion just like ours. The honeymoon registry isn't for everyone but either is a box store registry. I think you need to appreciate that there are couples that appreciate different passions and pursuits. Remember, not everyone is like you and shares the same values and beliefs. Even more important, there isn't just one way of doing something. With over 9,000 posts on this website, I would think you'd understand that.

Best of luck.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: 2nd Wedding/No Shower/How to advise of Registry?
Posted: Jul 31, 2010 3:38 PM Go to message in response to: KathrynGetsHitc...

Dear Kathryn,

" (does this mean you were never a bride?):"

No, it means that I was the aunt of a bride. My niece, who I love like a daughter and who lived in our house following the deaths of her parents, got married a few years ago. I am also the mother of two unmarried adult sons.

I was a bride when I got married. I am still married to my one and only husband and the father of my children. We're eccentric, I know, we got married, first, then conceived children, then managed to stay together for 34 years and counting.

And, yes, I also have a passion for travel. I have been to 48 of the 50 states, six continents and 40+ countries. I've already completed two major domestic trips this year, and have tickets for Europe later in the fall.

I do not, however, expect other people to fund my travel. If someone were to ask me "What do you want for your birthday, dear?", I might say something like "Well, you know I'm planning to go to Italy over my birthday... and...".

In my opinion, a honeymoon registry is registering for money. That is crass, again, in my opinion. As a wedding guest I can always give the couple money if I am so inclined. I don't need some kind of cutesy registry to make me think "Oh, wow, I'll send them money through this website instead of that blender I usually give as an automatic reflex to receipt of a wedding invitation!".

The essence is: If you want money, just don't register anywhere. If anyone asks where you are registered, just say "No where. We like surprises." or "No where. We are hoping for a great honeymoon, but think registering for money is tacky." Don't tell if they don't ask. That's the standard rule for any registry.

Next, I've written my answers in terms of my own opinion. I would not tell someone "Your honeymoon registry is tacky." in so many words. I would keep my opinion to myself. The couple are, however, in error if they believe that "everyone loved" their honeymoon registry.

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RALS52 Posts : 1 Registered: 8/5/09
Re: 2nd Wedding/No Shower/How to advise of Registry?
Posted: Sep 1, 2010 6:51 PM Go to message in response to: modeania

I LOVE the idea of the honeymoon registry. My Fiancee and I did a honeymoon registry sponsored by our resort. Yes the resort is all inclusive and yes we will just get one consolidated check, but it will allow us upgarades that we would not otherwise be able to afford. 1st class instead of coach, an hour and a half massage instead of an hour.. why not, and I will be sure to thank all of the people that helped us do it.
As for the companies taking out fees, yes they do.. but that is how businesses are run. "aunt..." do you not think you are paying over 100% markup on that "lovely" picture frame you buy? Its they way of the world.

I say if you have a house full of nice stuff then go for the honeymoon registry.

Congratulations on your wedding!!

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: 2nd Wedding/No Shower/How to advise of Registry?
Posted: Sep 1, 2010 8:21 PM Go to message in response to: RALS52

dear RAL,

"As for the companies taking out fees, yes they do.. but that is how businesses are run. "aunt..." do you not think you are paying over 100% markup on that "lovely" picture frame you buy? Its they way of the world. "

Yes, there is a markup when I buy a tangible gift. Fine, the merchant has to make a profit in return for stocking goods in a store or warehouse.

If I give the person money through an online honeymoon registry, I am giving cash and the couple is receiving part of that cash. I would achieve the exact same purpose by avoiding the online honeymoon registry and simply handing them a check.

What possible reason is there to hand over a markup to a honeymoon registry website? What goods has the website owner had to stock in a store or warehouse? The website owner ONLY takes money from me, deducts the fee, then passes it on to you. Nothing more.

I have nothing against giving a newlywed couple cash for a wedding present providing:

1. It is my own idea ("Hmmm... I think I'll give them cash") or I have asked them what they prefer as a gift.

2. They get ALL my cash. Not part.

You can absolutely, totally do what you want. Nothing stopping you. However, the purpose of an anonymous online message board is to hear a variety of honest opinions from a variety of points of view. Having considered those various opinions, you are then in a position to make an informed choice.

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: 2nd Wedding/No Shower/How to advise of Registry?
Posted: Sep 2, 2010 1:27 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I just received a wedding invite, with two registry cards. One is kind of honeymoon, though direct with the cruise line they're going on. I don't really care.

I don't think we'll go to the wedding, but that's not why. It's cause my ex partner and his wife will be there, and I just don't feel like pretending to be sociable, and my DH darn sure doesnt!!

I like the bride to be well enough, but not her FH, and it's also the weekend of my birthday AND on a sunday night, which is when we like to relax and do our hot tub night.

Given the surgery(mine), our health(both), and our own stuff going on, nah...probably decline. If they were really important to us, we'd go, but they are really just more than acquaintances but not close friends.

But, not because of the registry cards in the invite. Do I think it's tacky? yes, sort of, but I don't care that much either way. I just would not have done it for my own wedding.

 Proud Member of P.O.O.P.,  People Offended by Offended People

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