MIL Vent

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futuremrshim Posts : 1 Registered: 4/8/08
MIL Vent
Posted: Jun 30, 2010 2:44 PM

Ok, so let me start off my saying that I actually like my inlaws and get along pretty well with them.

I just have the typically MIL gets too involved issue that most encounter. I guess its because we are getting married in a week and we have a bunch of out of town people coming to stay with them and at our apartment, so she is going a little nuts with preparations and making sure everything looks nice. However I have an issue with her "helping" and doing things her way instead of just letting me do things at my own time and at my own pace.

I know this is petty and stupid but something as simple as toilet paper. I was planning on doing a whole stock the apartment with toiletrie shopping spree this weekend before everyone arrives, but i get to the apartment today and there is a package of toilet paper.. like seriously.. did you not think that i was going to get my own toilet paper? Again I know that she is just trying to help, but she is a woman and MUST know how frustrating it is to have someone else do things in your own home.

Anyway, aside from wanting to vent a little, i guess i need some experienced advice on how to stop this if it continues after the wedding without hurting her feelings or making it seem like i didnt appreciate her help. My Fiance says that she wont do it after we're married and if she does that he'll talk to her about it. But im just worried that she'll either get her feelings hurt, or that she will think we are kidding and keep doing it to "help".

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: MIL Vent
Posted: Jun 30, 2010 10:17 PM Go to message in response to: futuremrshim

OK. Was the TP left outside your apartment, or does she have a key to your apartment and came in, left it inside?? IF she was inside your apartment, and has a key, then that is way over the top imo. Your FH should deal with that.

IF she just brought it by, left it outside, etc, making way too much of her just trying to be helpful.

 Proud Member of P.O.O.P.,  People Offended by Offended People

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August28th Posts : 153 Registered: 1/28/09
Re: MIL Vent
Posted: Jun 30, 2010 10:24 PM Go to message in response to: futuremrshim

Hey! I personally think your MIL is just trying to be nice and help out. She probably understands that you're stressed and very busy this close to the wedding and she's just trying to ease the burden in any way she can. She may even be helping/buying as a sign of appreciation for letting her stay at your apartment.

I'm not saying I wouldn't feel the same way you do though! I'd be a little annoyed too. At my shower my MIL sorted through our gifts and decided which were going to our apartment (where DH was living) and which were going where I lived as I was mingling with guests. After I realized that she had decided that I was ticked! But I realized she didn't know anyone else at the shower so she was probably just trying to be helpful and keep busy so not to feel left out. Thinking about it still does make me a little irritated still and my shower was a year ago!

I think it's great that your DH is willing to talk to his mom if her actions continue after the wedding. You should leave it up to him, he needs to deal with his family and you deal with yours.

Best of luck to you, hope it all works out for you guys!

True love is like a ghost which many talk about but few have ever seen.

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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: MIL Vent
Posted: Jul 1, 2010 2:15 PM Go to message in response to: August28th

I can see where it's frustrating, but just try to remember that she likely has your best interests at heart.

My MIL can be the same way - she absolutely means well, but DH and I do not need, nor want, for example, a fake Christmas wreath, paper plates with bunnies on them, turkey napkins, old tupperware, extra silverware, etc, etc.

We found the best thing to do when she started offered to help was to give her some task to be "hers" and let her bring whatever she wanted related to that. This year, we hosted Easter for 20 people. Left to her own devices, I am confident that we would have had bunny paper plates, napkins, forks if they exist, bunny centerpieces, etc. (I'm confident because she asked DH if we needed them). We basically told her that we wanted to use our real plates for dinner but she could bring anything she wants to put appetizers on. So, we still had bunny plates/napkins/candy holders/whatever else is in my basement now, but were able to confine it to one part of dinner.

Granted, TP is not bunnies, but maybe you could put her in charge of something related to the guests coming. Do you need bottled water/soda/wine/beer on hand? How about printed directions places? Late night snacks? I'd pick one thing and let her concentrate there.

 

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jackson132 Posts : 1,623 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: MIL Vent
Posted: Dec 14, 2012 12:36 PM Go to message in response to: futuremrshim

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