Baby Shower Question

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KaylaMarriedBrett Posts : 146 Registered: 3/12/08
Baby Shower Question
Posted: Jun 27, 2010 4:26 PM

I was curious if there was a rule of thumb for who is suppose to throw a baby shower for someone. I know a lady who is a step-mom and is throwing a baby shower for her step-daughter. I thought it was a rule of thumb for a mother not to throw a baby shower for their daughter?


When is my wedding
 

Next time a sunrise steals your breath or a meadow of flowers leaves you speechless, remain that way. Say nothing and listen as heaven whispers, "Do you like it? I did it just for you."

 http://brettandkayla.ourweddingday.com

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Baby Shower Question
Posted: Jun 27, 2010 4:31 PM Go to message in response to: KaylaMarriedBrett

Dear Kayla,

". I thought it was a rule of thumb for a mother not to throw a baby shower for their daughter?"

Yes, there is a rule that showers (bridal and baby) should not be hosted by a relative, especially not a mother.

Many people ignore the rule, but I think it's a good one. It's less gift-grabby if the shower is hosted by someone other than a relative who would be providing for the baby, anyway.

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Baby Shower Question
Posted: Jun 27, 2010 4:42 PM Go to message in response to: KaylaMarriedBrett

It's a rule, but it's often, often, often broken. Doesn't bother me at all, hasn't bothered anyone I know, and come on, this is a stepmom, doing a nice thing for her stepdaughter/new grandbaby. I'd think it's great!
But, I don't find showers gift grabby, and if I thought the people involved were, probably wouldn't be going anyway cause I'd probably find them obnoxious in other ways too.

 Proud Member of P.O.O.P.,  People Offended by Offended People

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Baby Shower Question
Posted: Jun 28, 2010 8:27 PM Go to message in response to: KaylaMarriedBrett

Ladies,

Some of you might know about a young woman I know who is a total Spoiled Brat. She is constantly thinking of ways people can give her things. I never see her, except when she has her hand out for gifts.

She got married in a destination wedding, then hosted a reception back home.

1. Bridal shower gift
2. Wedding gift

She got divorced a year and a half later. Husband took all their electronic toys.

3. Registered at Target for a "divorce shower" to replace stuff rotten ex-husband took.

Took up with a man married to someone else. Got pregnant.

4. Baby shower for baby girl.
5. Wanted a "committment ceremony", and associated registry, since they couldn't get married due to BF's being too lazy to get a divorce from his wife.

Spoiled Brats's mother refused to sponsor a committment ceremony and I refused to let her use my house for the non-event.

6. Moved in to different house with BF, had a housewarming party, expected gifts.

7. Baby girl born, expected gifts now that the baby was here.

8. Baby turned 1, big party with many adults invited, expecting gifts for child.

9. Another baby expected (BF still married to wife), big baby shower. Needs boy things, now.

10. More birthday parties each year for existing child.

Very sadly, second baby, a beautiful little boy, died in infancy.

11. Third pregnancy, another boy (thankfully, healthy), needs entire set of new boy things because all boy things in possession for second baby were given away because they made her so sad. Third baby shower.

12. Annual expectation for Christmas and birthday presents continue.

BF still married to wife. Claims he doesn't know where she is, therefore, cannot get divorce. Oldest child now six years old.

In all this, what presents has she give me? Zip.

What thank-you notes have I received? Zip.

I did get a very sincere thank you from her ex-husband when I gave him a nice flannel shirt for Christmas, the one year they were married. Nice guy.

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KaylaMarriedBrett Posts : 146 Registered: 3/12/08
Re: Baby Shower Question
Posted: Jun 29, 2010 12:19 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Wow, I thought the dilemma I was having was bad enough. That one tops it off!

I have two dilemma's going on with baby showers. I can't exactly post here because I'm afraid one might actually read it. Wish this site had a private feature where you have to be a member to read posts.

I appreciate everyone's input also.

When is my wedding
 

Next time a sunrise steals your breath or a meadow of flowers leaves you speechless, remain that way. Say nothing and listen as heaven whispers, "Do you like it? I did it just for you."

 http://brettandkayla.ourweddingday.com

Reply


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Baby Shower Question
Posted: Jun 29, 2010 1:25 PM Go to message in response to: KaylaMarriedBrett

Dear Kayla,

Yeah, tell me about dilemmas. I've known Spoiled Brat all her life and am good friends with her grandmother. The grandmother is heartbroken at how SB has turned out.

It's good of you to be discreet and not detail the issues surrounding your two "problem" showers.

I'll offer you one general suggestion:

Go with your gut.

If your gut tells you this is a greedy grab-fest, then create some kind of alternate plans for yourself that date, then put real regret in your voice when you tell them you cannot make it.

"I'm so sorry, but my friend ie some friend from an entirely different friend circle has her birthday celebration on the same day, so I'm afraid I cannot attend."

Never mind that you called Friend up and said "Help! I want to get out of that darn shower. Your birthday is a week later, and you would do me a HUGE favor if we made plans for your birthday lunch a little early..."

If your gut tells you that the people are not all that gift-grabby, just a bit Etiquette Clueless, then go ahead and go. Just be sure to keep your opinion to yourself. No snarky remarks about "Gee, usually showers are given by friends, aren't they?".

If you want to send me a PM, I'll be happy to offer a specific suggestion. I don't know how to do PMs in this new system, but I guess we'll figure it out. Just let me know there's a PM and I'll try to find out where it is.

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KaylaMarriedBrett Posts : 146 Registered: 3/12/08
Re: Baby Shower Question
Posted: Jun 29, 2010 5:19 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Deleted original post to save my rear end! Haha. Sorry.

Edited by: KaylaMarriedBrett on Jun 30, 2010 9:01 AM

When is my wedding
 

Next time a sunrise steals your breath or a meadow of flowers leaves you speechless, remain that way. Say nothing and listen as heaven whispers, "Do you like it? I did it just for you."

 http://brettandkayla.ourweddingday.com

Reply


cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Baby Shower Question
Posted: Jun 29, 2010 6:29 PM Go to message in response to: KaylaMarriedBrett

IMO, your boss should not be throwing showers and expecting employees to buy gifts for boss' family.

I wouldn't give to either, probably.

 Proud Member of P.O.O.P.,  People Offended by Offended People

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Baby Shower Question
Posted: Jun 29, 2010 7:54 PM Go to message in response to: KaylaMarriedBrett

Dear Kayla,

Wow.

I'm with Cyndi on this one. The fact that these women are the boss' daughter and step-daughter really complicates things.

I'm guessing you would not be friends with either one if not for the fact their mom is your boss. Not only that, she is the shower hostess. Double-wow.

There are a number of Etiquette Felonies here, besides the mom-as-hostess Etiquette Misdemeanor. Any boss who puts the squeeze on her employees repeatedly to give to her daughters should be taken to the woodshed. By her own boss.

OK, here is my best suggestion.

I agree, you don't really need to give either of these girls anything. But, how to do that without ticking off your boss?

Are you in any kind of situation where there is a strong HR Department? If so, would you feel comfortable getting a couple of co-workers together and approaching HR with your issue?

"We have a problem. Susie is our boss, and we like working for her, but she has invited us to baby showers for her daughters. We don't really know the daughters and we would prefer to simply decline, politely. However, we are afraid that we will have employment issues with Susie if we don't accept and/or give a generous present."

If there is no strong HR Department, then you just have to make a decision and choose the lesser of two evils. Sometimes life is like that. If the boss is an egomaniac and would be deeply hurt by your declining the invitation, and if you need the job, then buy a couple of cheap receiving blankets and go.

If the boss is actually nice and you think that she would separate shower attendence from employee relations, just create a good excuse and politely decline.

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KaylaMarriedBrett Posts : 146 Registered: 3/12/08
Re: Baby Shower Question
Posted: Jun 29, 2010 8:21 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I don't think im really worried about much. It is a small family business I work for. I love the job. I'm actually not gonna be able to attend the daughter's shower that is having her first because I'm attending a family baby shower the same weekend her is anyways, so that's ok.

I just really wanted to know if this situation was ok? I just blows my mind. I know i will probably get looked down upon because I didn't chip in for a baby shower present, but oh well. I'm not wealthy to always provide for a present.

I guess my whole point of this thread was, did this sound gift grabby or am I just over-reacting. I'm happy for both having a little bundle of joy coming, but that's all i'm offering.

When is my wedding
 

Next time a sunrise steals your breath or a meadow of flowers leaves you speechless, remain that way. Say nothing and listen as heaven whispers, "Do you like it? I did it just for you."

 http://brettandkayla.ourweddingday.com

Reply


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Baby Shower Question
Posted: Jun 29, 2010 9:19 PM Go to message in response to: KaylaMarriedBrett

Dear Kayla,

Gift-grabby. For sure.

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