Wear or not to wear?

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AshBear21 Posts : 12 Registered: 9/5/06
Wear or not to wear?
Posted: Jun 14, 2010 1:55 PM

I was once engaged to my high school sweetheart about 2 1/2 years ago. After we got engaged, I started to plan our wedding. I even went as far as finding my dream wedding dress and veil. My mother generously purchased the dress and veil as a wedding gift! Unfortunately, my Fiance and I decided to call off our wedding 4 months after getting engaged.

Now let's jump to present day. I have been dating a wonderful man for nearly 2 years now and we have talked about getting married and the whole nine yards. I love to watch "Say Yes to the Dress" on TLC and he watches it with me sometimes. While we were watching an episode he made a comment on what he liked and didn't like about some of the dresses. I then commented on the fact that I love my wedding dress and can't wait to wear it someday. (He knew I was once engaged but not the dress part.) We got into a little debate about how he thought wearing that wedding dress I bought 2 years ago for my wedding to my ex wasn't appropriate if we were to get married. I then tried to explain to him that I bought the dress because I fell in love with everything about it and it's what I would still pick out to this day. I didn't buy the dress with my fiance in mind, I bought it for myself to wear for my wedding day. I really don't think it should matter that I almost wore it, but anyway my mother bought it and it wasn't cheap either. It's actually still hanging on the back of my parents bedroom door waiting for me! Please tell me if I'm wrong for wanting to wear it at our wedding someday or is it totally inappropriate? Thanks ladies or if any gentleman want to comment I would love any advice! :D

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Wear or not to wear?
Posted: Jun 14, 2010 2:27 PM Go to message in response to: AshBear21

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about this now. I would drop it and revisit the issue when the time comes. Chances are, your boyfriend will feel differently about it when you are engaged. Right now, it is a loaded subject. You're not engaged, but you have a wedding dress. On top of that, you bought it intending to marry another man. I can see why your boyfriend might feel uncomfortable with the whole thing and make a big deal over it.

When the time comes, however, I suspect that he'll feel differently. You'll be engaged by then, which is a more serious relationship stage than where you are now, so he'll probably be more secure. At that point, I doubt he'll care when you bought the dress - he'll just be excited to marry you in it.

My advice is to drop the topic entirely until you're planning a wedding with this man. Right now, it doesn't matter, so why argue about it? For the record, if you're comfortable wearing the dress and not superstituous about it, then I see no reason not to wear it when you get married someday. I understand why your boyfriend is uncomfortable, but I think he'll get over it. And if not, he hasn't seen it anyway - how would he know if you got a different one? I would make that point and let him know that he's being childish. But drop it for now - it doesn't matter and it's not worth fighting about.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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HamzicBride Posts : 178 Registered: 12/28/09
Re: Wear or not to wear?
Posted: Jun 14, 2010 4:35 PM Go to message in response to: AshBear21

Talking about a perfect example of putting a cart before the horse.

You know, I think you need to slow yourself down and take it one step at a time. Go ring shopping, go take some time to build your relationship with him, go talk about your future plans with him, just go do what you need to do now, not tomorrow. A million things can happen and will likely change between you actually getting engaged and planning out a wedding. Enjoy the time you have now.

The dress issue is something you need to bring up when the actual time comes. In the grand scheme of things, it's such a minor issue. You should not be putting pressure on yourself or even bring it up until you guys are officially engaged.

Leave it for now, figure the situation out when the actual time is right.


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FifiLaLa Posts : 11 Registered: 6/10/10
Re: Wear or not to wear?
Posted: Jun 14, 2010 6:48 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

I agree with Art. I understand that you love the dress--no matter who you're marrying--but I can understand why your BF feels the way he does. But as everyone else pointed out, you're not even engaged yet. Styles change, and maybe you will too. If it were me, I couldn't wear the dress intended for another wedding. I'd probably donate it to charity.
"Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think."

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ElleNChuck Posts : 50 Registered: 6/10/10
Re: Wear or not to wear?
Posted: Jun 23, 2010 5:06 PM Go to message in response to: AshBear21

My advice would be to not mention the dress anymore. Your boyfriend might feel pressured to propose knowing it's hanging around. Men get crazy about weird stuff like that.

I was in a similar situation because my grandmother bought me a wedding dress when I was 22 (she was dying, wanted to take me dress shopping, long story short I wound up with a wedding gown with no potential FH in sight.)

I would wait until you guys get engaged to revisit the dress issue.

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sweetness07 Posts : 8 Registered: 6/23/10
Re: Wear or not to wear?
Posted: Jun 24, 2010 1:01 AM Go to message in response to: AshBear21

I say save the worrying for later when you two begin planning your own wedding. And who knows, maybe later you will feel differently as well. Personally, I'm not engaged either, but I do like to look at dresses online, and when I do, I am constantely thinking about the excitement my boyfriend will get when he first sees me in that dress. So I can see why he would be upset, because he wants you to go dress shopping for him. =)

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Wear or not to wear?
Posted: Jun 24, 2010 11:13 AM Go to message in response to: AshBear21

Dear Ash,

If I were a guy and had a girlfriend and knew the girlfriend already owns a wedding dress, unworn, hanging on the back door of her parents' room, I'd be very nervous.

Is she marrying me because she loves me or because she wants to wear that darn dress?

Drop it.

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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: Wear or not to wear?
Posted: Jun 24, 2010 12:45 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Everyone else gave good advice. I'm chiming in to just say, though, that even though I see your POV, my feelings about the dress would be the same as your BF's. It would bother me to see my husband walking down the aisle in an outfit I knew he'd purchased when he was engaged to another woman and I wouldn't be able to get it out of my mind.

Just my 2 cents.

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Teedove Posts : 18 Registered: 5/20/10
Re: Wear or not to wear?
Posted: Jul 1, 2010 12:25 AM Go to message in response to: HappyGirl13

So on this, I have been married before and engaged and wedding called off, but I am engaged now,I had a dress in my closet that I purchased for that wedding that dress was awesome. But it was awesome for that man, I bought another dress for my upcoming wedding and this dress is perfect for this wedding, but I know I told him not to use the same jeweler for me that he used for his previous wife. LOL.....
But once you all are engaged you can discuss this further.

Teedove

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Dani303 Posts : 18 Registered: 6/3/10
Re: Wear or not to wear?
Posted: Jul 1, 2010 11:42 PM Go to message in response to: AshBear21

I definately wouldnt wear the dress...it might be the best dress in the world...but is it better to get your own way and wear the dress? or have your partner really comfortable on your wedding day...and neither of you...including your mother thinking about the other guy you could of been married to and wearing that dress for...

i guess its the same as, how would you feel if he had bought a ring for a previous girlfriend..cos he liked the look of it..and then that engagement didnt happen...

would you be happy if he used that same ring to propose to you? even though he bought it cos he liked it?...

i couldnt wear anything that my partner gave me if he had bought it with another girl in mind.

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sweetness07 Posts : 8 Registered: 6/23/10
Re: Wear or not to wear?
Posted: Jul 4, 2010 4:02 PM Go to message in response to: Dani303

Exactly what I was thinking Dani303!

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DarkMuse17 Posts : 2 Registered: 6/19/10
Re: Wear or not to wear?
Posted: Jul 14, 2010 10:27 PM Go to message in response to: AshBear21

I agree with a lot of the comments above. It's not an issue right now, so why press it? When the time comes to actually be planning a wedding and pick out a dress, humor him and check out some dresses in the stores or online. And let him know you still prefer the one you picked out already. Emphasize how beautiful it will make you look/feel when marrying HIM.

Worst case, suggest altering it somewhat. You could get just a little something small changed to make it more unique to your current relationship whether its changing the neckline, adding a belt or a bow, or some embroidery. That way you can keep the same dress you fell in love with, but update it to fit in with how you are now in your new relationship. You've changed a lot since then. So you can adapt it to fit you now.

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Kimberly212 Posts : 972 Registered: 9/12/12
Re: Wear or not to wear?
Posted: Sep 19, 2012 8:36 PM Go to message in response to: AshBear21

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