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Should I or shouldn't I?

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Athenebrita Posts : 7 Registered: 5/15/10
Should I or shouldn't I?
Posted: Jun 19, 2010 12:52 PM

My fiance and I are planning our wedding and are strapped for cash. Our entire wedding budget is $5,000 max and it would be much better if it was under that. My question is "Is it wrong not to have alcohol at our reception?". My fiance and I don't drink period for different reasons. Him because of medication and myself because of an abusive alcoholic father. I'm ok with a small drink once in awhile and don't care if you drink just be smart about it. When I mentioned the no alcohol at the reception one of my bridesmaids got extremely pissed that there was going to be no alcohol. This BM has known me for years and my experiences and knows about my FH medication. She also knows our budget and alcohol in our location is rather expensive. So should I stick to my guns and still have a no alcohol reception or allow guests to bring their own.

 

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new_york , may_2011
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VänTillBruden Posts : 353 Registered: 1/16/10
Re: Should I or shouldn't I?
Posted: Jun 19, 2010 1:21 PM Go to message in response to: Athenebrita

Alcohol free receptions are perfectly fine! I know you'll hear a lot of different opinions about this topic but, as the offspring of a recovering alcoholic, I completely sympathize with your situation. I still have a beer with my girls now and again, but I definitely try to avoid taking things to an extreme due to my "genetic tendency".

Okay, so, as for your wedding:

A) Have an early wedding, with brunch, or go old school and do a cake & punch reception! It saves you money on venues/services, and people typically don't expect you to serve alcohol since it is so early in the day (if you really want some sort of cocktails, have mimosas or other light drinks).

B) Your bridesmaid needs to stop getting her feathers all ruffled up over a lack of alcohol. I know some people need it to have a good time at a wedding (fear of dancing, public speaking, etc.), but it seems so immature to get so upset over a lack of booze, at least to me.

Good luck!

Love me when I least deserve it, because that is when I need it the most. (Swedish proverb)

new_york , may_2011
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dodgercpkl Posts : 130 Registered: 9/27/09
Re: Should I or shouldn't I?
Posted: Jun 19, 2010 1:28 PM Go to message in response to: Athenebrita

I know that there are a few people that drink that are coming to my reception, but Anton, myself and our families don't drink. We've chosen to have an alcohol free wedding for that and because we just simply can't afford to add that on. It would cost us extra for the drinks, bartender and our reception venue.


may_2011 , new_york , southern_california , october_2010
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August28th Posts : 153 Registered: 1/28/09
Re: Should I or shouldn't I?
Posted: Jun 19, 2010 2:40 PM Go to message in response to: Athenebrita

Go for it without alchohol! DH and I had a dry wedding and it was a lot of fun. We put sparkling grape juice on the tables and no one complained, those who did want to drink didn't stay that long, but there was no one who was rude about it--they were told before the wedding too. I think your BM should take a long walk off a short pier. Tell her when it's her turn she can have all the booze she wants, but it's your night and to stop complaining. I can't stand people like that! Good luck!!

True love is like a ghost which many talk about but few have ever seen.

may_2011 , missouri , new_york , august_2009
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CatStandish Posts : 2,767 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Should I or shouldn't I?
Posted: Jun 19, 2010 4:34 PM Go to message in response to: August28th

My DH and I had an alcohol free reception. DH can't drink as he's diabetic and it is like shooting sugar straight into the blood stream. I'm not too keen on the flavor. We did not want to waste money on it.

My mom was pretty much against alcohool at the reception...but she was not paying. If we had WANTED it there, my mom would have just had to pound sand...but we did not want it.

We served iced tea and water in punch bowls, garnished with sliced oranges, lemons and limes (it was really pretty), and we had Torani syrrups (peach, mango, raspberry, sugar free peach, sugar free mango, and sugar free raspberry), plus sugar, splenda and truvia so that our guests could create their own cocktails. We bought the 25 ounce bottles of Torani...and by the end of the night, the Peach and Raspberry were GONE. Mango was almost gone. Sugar free peach/raspberry were down to about 5 oz remaining and mango was at about 12 oz. Our guests LOVED it. (took them a moment to get the concept...but when they did, they had a blast with our DIY punch). And I loved that we were able to offer so much variety. The idea for tea "punch" and water "punch"....from a Bridal Show. (of course, the Torani syrrup addition was mine! :) )

No one complained about the lack of spirits being served. And people did have fun.


Misty

may_2011 , new_york , september_2009 , august_2009 , missouri
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Should I or shouldn't I?
Posted: Jun 19, 2010 5:23 PM Go to message in response to: Athenebrita

Dear Athene,

" So should I stick to my guns and still have a no alcohol reception or allow guests to bring their own."

Yes, you should stick to your guns.

You don't want alcohol there for a number of good reasons, and your guests should respect that. I don't drink alcohol, at all, and I'd be perfectly happy with a booze-free wedding reception. No problem

If a guest cannot respect your style of entertainment, then they have the option of declining the invitation.

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Should I or shouldn't I?
Posted: Jun 19, 2010 10:56 PM Go to message in response to: Athenebrita

The bottom line is that it's YOUR wedding and you should do what you and your fh want to do. Who ever doesn't like it then they will just have to deal with it. If they want to drink before your wedding then that's fine and if they want to drink after your wedding that's fine too. I am sure they can survive a few hours at your reception without any alcholol. So just do what it's best for you and your fh and don't let other people pressure you to change your mind.

 

                           
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may_2011 , new_york , connecticut , october_2010
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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Should I or shouldn't I?
Posted: Jun 20, 2010 12:27 AM Go to message in response to: Athenebrita

I enjoy a glass of wine but I have NO problem with there being no alcohol at a wedding reception - for whatever reason.

Stick to your guns!

 

 

 

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myras Posts : 396 Registered: 2/26/10
Re: Should I or shouldn't I?
Posted: Jun 20, 2010 3:35 PM Go to message in response to: Athenebrita

one of my bridesmaids got extremely pissed

That's definitely her problem, not yours. If she needs it that much, she should bring a flask! The PP's are right--an alcohol-free wedding is perfectly fine. If it were me, I'd do a brunch, breakfast, luncheon, afternoon tea, or late evening "Just Desserts" reception, styles where alcohol is less expected than at a formal, sit-down dinner--also, the overall menu usually costs a lot less than the traditional sit-down.
myra@classysassyweddings.com

new_york , november_1975 , may_2011
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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Should I or shouldn't I?
Posted: Jun 20, 2010 6:17 PM Go to message in response to: myras

Agree completely with everyone else. We have a cocktail or a glass of wine generally, but wouldn't care one bit if the wedding reception didn't have alcohol. You are totally fine sticking to your guns on this one, and I also love Myras ideas. I've been to some earlier weddings, and even one dessert bar type reception. Loved them. But regardless what you do for food/setting you absolutely do not have to serve alcohol.

 Proud Member of P.O.O.P.,  People Offended by Offended People

may_2011 , new_york , march_2007 , november_1975
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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,963 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Should I or shouldn't I?
Posted: Jun 21, 2010 2:11 PM Go to message in response to: Athenebrita

I'm going to offer a semi-dissenting opinion.

I tend to expect (and enjoy) alcohol at weddings. Not a big deal if there's none there, but I would like to be informed beforehand so that I may, as AOTB noted, have the opportunity to decline the invitation.

I'd be far less likely to expect alcohol at a brunch or other daytime event, so that's what I suggest you do for guests like me. Otherwise, I'd try and let people know, perhaps via a wedding website, not to expect it so that they could bring a flask, as Myra said. (She was probably being tongue in cheek. . .but I actually have carried flasks to alcohol free events, i.e., long plane/train rides, a trip to Walt Disney World, a Mormon-run luau in Hawaii, etc.)

Another note: a friend of mine had a 5K wedding with alcohol. Her venue let her bring it in, and she bought vodka, rum, and a few mixers. A couple of friends offered to rotate bartend. It worked out pretty well.

Good luck!


__________________________________________

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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ElleNChuck Posts : 50 Registered: 6/10/10
Re: Should I or shouldn't I?
Posted: Jun 23, 2010 6:38 PM Go to message in response to: Athenebrita

No where in the "wedding rule book" does it say you have to serve your guests alcohol. It's 100% ok to have a booze-free bash.

As for "allowing guests to bring their own" I wouldn't put "BYOB" on the invites, but would turn a blind eye to the more determined drinkers who might slip a flask in to the festivities.

may_2011 , new_york , september_2012 , virginia
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wzq103 Posts : 2,771 Registered: 9/11/12
Re: Should I or shouldn't I?
Posted: Sep 12, 2012 12:53 PM Go to message in response to: Athenebrita

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Re: Should I or shouldn't I?
Posted: Sep 13, 2012 2:04 PM Go to message in response to: Athenebrita

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Re: Should I or shouldn't I?
Posted: Sep 17, 2012 8:46 PM Go to message in response to: Athenebrita

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