Sharing Bank Accounts

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: May 27, 2010 11:58 PM Go to message in response to: CapeTownBride

Dear CTB,

We had separate accounts for years (25?) then one day we just decided to go joint. I guess I got tired of seeing service fees for two accounts instead of one.

I will offer you some advice, though.

1. Do not mix your money until after the wedding. I am a moderator on a legal/financial website, and we see tons of messages along the lines of "We were engaged, then we had a fight and he emptied our bank accounts".

After you are married, you have certain legal protections (rights and responsibilities) when it comes to finance. Before marriage, you do not have those protections. Weddings can and do get called off at the last minute, so in my humble opinion it's best to keep money separate until after W-Day.

Some couples have a joint savings account for the wedding expenses, themselves, and I'm OK with that. I just don't like the idea of having all money in joint accounts before getting the legal status of a married couple.

2. Check out a really good book about finances for married couples. I've plugged this book over and over on this website:

Financially Ever After by Jeff D Opdyke. Mr Opdyke is a personal finance journalist for the Wall Street Journal. Get it, read it and then give it to FH to read. It's excellent.

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: May 28, 2010 12:25 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

My big thing is that what ever works for you is right.

I have friends who have had joint accounts since they were married and it worked. I don't see it working for FH and I. I think it saves us heartache and nagging. We have set parameters with our joint account and we both work well with that.

We also pay NO fees for our checking accounts.

I posted a whole post the other day that apparently got lost - whatever. that's frustrating. But there were issues growing up with my Dad and Mom, their joint account, him declaring business bankruptcy and not paying taxes.... yes I understand being legally responsible regardless of the joint account. But it's not a good issue for me.

It can so work for others, but it's NOT the ONLY way either.

 

 

 

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CapeTownBride Posts : 37 Registered: 4/16/10
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: Jun 8, 2010 10:02 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Thanks so much for everyone's really interesting responses!

I apologise for the delay in responding to everyone, my laptop died at around the same time as exams started. The last few weeks have been crazy!

Yes, I do agree that everyone should do whatever they're comfortable with. I was just thrown by the assumption that all committed couples share bank accounts and that naturally I should do the same.

I've discussed it with my SO and he too was surprised that I would like to keep my own bank account after we get married. I explained that it would just make life easier for me because of the small business I run in my spare time (mostly to network with former colleagues and to keep my skills current). So we've agreed that we should just stick to what works for us now, for as long as it works. If at some point it stops working, we'll reassess and reevaluate then.

Thanks so much for everyone's perspectives - it was great to hear how so many different solutions work so well for different people!

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Sunnijoy Posts : 32 Registered: 3/19/10
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: Jun 10, 2010 1:37 PM Go to message in response to: CapeTownBride

Given how very different my husband's and my spending habits are, we felt it would be best to maintain our own savings accounts. Our budget allows each of us an allowance of the same amount. My husband usually has his spent within the first few days of receiving it. I usually still have my previous allowance to add to my new one. I know where all my pennies were spent, even though it is mad money. My husband feels that mad money is a set amount specifically meant for worry free spending and so feels keeping track of it defeats its purpose. His point makes perfect sense to me and I am striving to be less rigid in regards to my allowance, since we are so financially responsible in every other area.

We do have a joint account from which we pays bills and are trying to be diligent about communicating with each other what money is coming in and what needs to go out and to where.

I was not ready for just one joint account when we first got married, which is another reason we maintained our own savings account. I have a personality that likes to have some things that are mine only. I have two plastic drinking tumblers that are just for my use, though I have no problem that all our other dishes, towels, etc are shared.
My husband and I have our own drawer in the bathroom and we stay out of each others. Same with sides of the closet.

My point is that knowing how I value personal ownership and privacy even when it comes to insignificant things such as closet space and utensils, it is in the best interest of our marriage to allow myself some of the same freedom when it comes to finances.
My husband and I get the exact same allowance and both are well aware of each other's salaries and our budget. So I feel like the separate savings accounts in which we store our mad money gives us both the necessary space to breathe- enabling us to tackle all our other decisions which are joint with a spirit of selfless cooperation.

Truly, the most helpful piece of pre-marital insight I received was that my trusted mentors who are married have their own separate savings accounts. Otherwise I feel my husband and I would have felt pressured to " be a good married couple" and immediately and permanently merge everything- regardless of whether such action fit our personalites or current situation.
And that would have been a mistake that would have caused a lot of unnecessary tension and fights.











"Man's chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever." ~Westminister Catechism

I try to spread my message to the world the best way that I can give it
We can make it, always be optimistic
If you don’t listen, gotta live my life the best way that I can live it
With the faith of a mustard seed, you can move mountains
And only the heavenly father can ease the hurt
Just let it go and keep prayin’ on your knees in church (Let’s go)
And be hopeful, hopeful, and He’ll make a way
I know it ain’t easy but - that’s okay
Cause we hopeful -"Hope" by Twista and Faith Evans


Edited by: Sunnijoy on Jun 10, 2010 1:38 PM

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 3:08 PM Go to message in response to: Sunnijoy

I have a personality that likes to have some things that are mine only. I have two plastic drinking tumblers that are just for my use, though I have no problem that all our other dishes, towels, etc are shared.
My husband and I have our own drawer in the bathroom and we stay out of each others. Same with sides of the closet.

LOL, I'm the same way about some things! I'm especially territorial about the mail. I like getting the mail myself and I like looking through it before DH. In fact, it really annoys me if he gets the mail or takes it out of my hands. That's MY mail - grrrrr! :) It's actually very funny, and I can't explain why I'm so weird about the mail, but thankfully DH accepts it as one of my eccentricities.

I also have a weird thing about books. I don't like our books being mixed on the bookshelves. An absolute ideal situation for me would be for my books to be kept on completely different bookshelves than his, but I can deal with them being on the same bookshelf if they're on different shelves, or if there's a clear divider in between my books and his. I'm not specific about DVDs or CDs mixing - only books. No idea why.

There's also a drawer in the computer desk in which I keep the current month's bills and I HATE it when DH looks in there. It makes no sense to me that I'm so territorial about that drawer, because DH KNOWS what the bills are and could easily just go to the online banking and see the same information. I don't have a problem with that, and I don't have a problem with him looking at the bills if they're not in the drawer - I just don't like him looking for stuff in the drawer. I prefer to find it myself and show it to him.

LOL, I also went through a period in which I was very territorial about the Netflix account and didn't want DH to mess with it. But in my defense, we had the one movie at a time account and DH would put a movie at the top of the queue, let it arrive, and then not watch it for AGES! Meanwhile, I couldn't get any other movies. That obviously wasn't working out, so we changed our plan and I relinquished complete control over the queue. And we have a rule that DH can't put a movie he wants to the top of the queue until he's sent back the last one. :)

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 5:48 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

That was one area where we had major issues originall, shared personal stuff. I mean, he let his kids use my shower poof and my TOWEL. They apparently all shared this stuff. I bought separate towels for all, and gave my shower poof up and bought a new one. He cannot use it, no one can use it, if anyone does use it I get a new one. Same with my razor.

We have separate dresser drawers, separate bathroom cupboards, drawers and sinks. And, our shower is only used by us now. No one else. We have other bathrooms that are shared, but not ours.

Same with our closet. And, same with our desks. But wow, when my towel got shared I was like WTH?? how gross.

Oh, same with eating off the same plate or from the same bowl. yuck, yuck, yuck. I don't care if he does it, but I do not do it. I also do not share my glass, because I do not like backwash from others.

I have one specific mug I use for my ice tea, which is not shared.

 Proud Member of P.O.O.P.,  People Offended by Offended People

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ElleNChuck Posts : 50 Registered: 6/10/10
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 8:38 PM Go to message in response to: CapeTownBride

FH and I have a joint checking account for household bills that we each transfer a percentage of our paychecks into, but the majority of our monies are kept in our separate checking and savings accounts. As far as what we will do after the wedding, who knows? We'll probably keep things the same until it quits working for us. We are really open about our finances though. I know what's in his account and he knows what's in mine.

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Sharing Bank Accounts
Posted: Jun 16, 2010 2:13 PM Go to message in response to: ElleNChuck

We have ALL joined accounts. I probably still have a checking/savings at Commerce, which is now TD Bank but I havent used it since we joined our accounts. For us it's just easier to pay the bills out of one account. And not worry about how much each of us has to trasnfer from our accounts, or worrying about how to direct deposit into 2 different accounts.

I buy what I want, he buys what he wants, that's that. Neither of us go crazy since we do only have ONE account. So its not like he is running out buying a PS3 and I am buying a new Coach bag spontaneously on a Tuesday afternoon at lunchtime. If we want something big like appliances, a new computer or a vacation, we plan out how muich we will need, he figures out WHEN we can purchase and we do.

I still have an account in my name as well as my own ING account, neither of which has much $ in them. But God forbid something happens, I have somewhere to put my money.

I dont really have opinions on HOW things should be done b/c it varies by couple. I should also say DH physically pays all the bills. He likes it, I don't. He has a whole spreadsheet of what is due when and when he paid it. He also has spreadsheets figuring out who gets paid when for the whole year, so we know what's coming in. He is a total dork, but i have to say, I've never felt more comfortable financially! I SUCKED at this stuff when I was on my own!

New Jersey: We have dumps, bays and cement boots and we know how to use 'em

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