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Gimme some feedback, am I being dramatic?!

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cdlynd Posts : 3 Registered: 5/16/10
Gimme some feedback, am I being dramatic?!
Posted: Jun 8, 2010 4:31 AM

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CatStandish Posts : 2,767 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Gimme some feedback, am I being dramatic?!
Posted: Jun 8, 2010 8:10 AM Go to message in response to: cdlynd

Yes... and no.

Take control of your CEREMONY guest list.

You can't control if a bunch of people suddenly decide that they intend to vacation at the same place as you are going on your honeymoon. It does seem a bit insane that this motley crew would think that your honeymoon should be their group party vacation. But you can't control that.

What you CAN control is who is invited to your WEDDING.

If YOU didn't invite them, if they are NOT on YOUR guest list, then call the person who DID invite them and tell them that while you do not mind if X and Y take their vacation with them....they need to call X and Y and tell them that they are not invited to the wedding itself. (Then tell your mom and sister and give them a copy of the guest list. Ask them if they'll have hubster check invites as they are being seated.) Be sure to put out word that the ceremony IS invitation only.

As to your FH: sit down with him and talk to him about what he wants to do for your honeymoon itself. I know you're worried that he's going to be hanging out with the partiers. You can't control them, but you can work with your FH to set some expectations as a couple as to what to expect....and there might be one night during your honeymoon where you'd like to spend time with these crazy people.

Don't tell them your daily plans. If anyone sees you leaving and wants to tag along, look at them firmly and say "I'm glad you're enjoying your stay here, but please understand that while this is a vacation for you, my husband (wife) and I are on our honeymoon and we want to spend the day together." It would be best if the person who owns that relationship with the other person says this.

Misty

december_2010 , mexican_caribbean , september_2009
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agd1017 Posts : 464 Registered: 9/14/09
Re: Gimme some feedback, am I being dramatic?!
Posted: Jun 8, 2010 9:01 AM Go to message in response to: cdlynd

I wonder if you can arrange with your ceremony venue that there be a list of invited guests? And you can put a little insert card in the invitations, too. That way only those who you absolutely want at your ceremony can be there. Because I agree with Cat that you cannot control who goes to the destination, you can only control who is at your ceremony.

Amanda and Eric
10/10/10

Amanda and Eric

 

october_2010 , las_vegas_3368 , december_2010 , mexican_caribbean
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Gimme some feedback, am I being dramatic?!
Posted: Jun 8, 2010 11:08 AM Go to message in response to: cdlynd

Dear CD,

I know you're upset, but think PARAGRAPHS, please. It's really difficult to read a giant block of text.

As for your situation... What occurs to me is that you want a wedding like your sister's wedding. Small, intimate, destination wedding with just close family and friends. It worked out great for your sister and you feel this would be the best way to get through the day without having your father there with you.

You could have essentially the same sort of wedding as your sister, except for one minor detail. You aren't marrying the same guy. Your groom is a different guy with expectations of family friends and other people attending.

You say you don't know his parents' friends? Well, the groom knows them. These parents' friends have watched the kid grow up and now, naturally, they want to see him get married. I am the mother of two adult sons. I have watched many young men grow up. These are my chidren's friends and my friends' children. I have attended many weddings where I knew the groom, but not necessarily the bride.

My suggestion to you is to get control of your wedding ceremony guest list, as was mentioned in an earlier response. Decide who will be present at the wedding ceremony. They are your invited guests.

What about the others? I don't have a problem with the idea of other people being at the destination with their friends. After all, when you have a destination wedding, you are asking people to make your wedding their vacation. Many people will consider your wedding ceremony to be just a part of their entire vacation. They want to go on vacation with other people, so those people will be at the destination.

You can't very well say "I am asking you to spend a couple of thousand dollars in airfare and ground costs to attend my wedding, but I don't want you to travel with anyone else nor do anything on this trip except attend my wedding related activities."

"So a couple of my dad's friends are bringing their wives and I'm glad their coming, but tonight one of the guys said his wife invited her sister and husband and they are coming to our wedding."

Here's your script. You (not someone else, you) phone your father's friend and say:

"Hello, Mr Brown? This is Lala, and I'm calling about the wedding. I am very excited about the wedding, and am very happy to hear you and Mrs Brown will be able to attend. You are a good friend of my father's and I'm sure he would want you and Mrs Brown to be there. However, I heard that Mrs Brown wants to attend the wedding with her sister and her brother-in-law. That presents a problem, as Mrs Brown's sister and BIL are not on our guest list."

At this point two things can happen.

1. Mr Brown explains that Sis and BIL will just be there for the vacation, and will not attend the ceremony. In which case you express relief, apologize for the confusion and tell Mr Brown that you will look forward to meeting Sis and BIL sometime during the "wedding weekend".

2. Mr Brown has to be convinced that Sis and BIL are not invited guests, and that even though you are sure they are lovely people and you look forward to meeing them during the "wedding weekend", they cannot be accommodated at the ceremony itself.

Same thing hold true for the various single men who will be there. They can party all they want, so long as they are sober and present at the ceremony without any uninvited guests, and they don't drag your new husband into their party plans. You have to talk to your FH and be crystal clear on that one.

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cdlynd Posts : 3 Registered: 5/16/10
Re: Gimme some feedback, am I being dramatic?!
Posted: Jun 8, 2010 3:50 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Gimme some feedback, am I being dramatic?!
Posted: Jun 9, 2010 9:30 AM Go to message in response to: cdlynd

Dear CD,

Here's a Real World example, not a hypothetical.

My husband and I like to travel with a single male friend of ours, about five years younger than I am. It's mutually beneficial, as he can be of assistance to my husband who has become disabled with a back injury.

It's more interesting for our friend to travel with us than to just go alone. It works out great, and the three of us are happy with the situation.

A few years ago, we were invited to a wedding where we had to travel. It wasn't a Destination Wedding, as the wedding was in the bride's home town, but it meant a good long trip for us to the wedding location. We combined that trip with a sightseeing trip in the same area with our travel buddy.

Thus, on W-Day my husband, our friend and I were all in the "wedding hotel" with all the other wedding guests. My husband and I attended the ceremony and the reception, while our friend took my car and did some solo sightseeing.

We certainly did not try to get our friend invited to the wedding, nor did he just "show up" at the reception. As far as the couple were concerned, our friend did not exist.

However, they could have seen us in the hotel restaurant the next morning, three at the breakfast table, or later in the day at the pool. We would have introduced our friend and indicated that he came along with us on the trip, and that we were planning other stops before going home.

That would have been perfectly OK, in my opinion. So long as we showed up at the wedding ceremony and reception without the uninvited guest, who cares what we do before or after the ceremony and reception? The couple do not "own" our time beyond the ceremony and reception.

In your case, you do have control over who attends your ceremony and any post-ceremony party. You can set a specific guest list and stick with that. You do not have control over who else might be at the resort accompanying any of your invited guests.

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August28th Posts : 153 Registered: 1/28/09
Re: Gimme some feedback, am I being dramatic?!
Posted: Jun 11, 2010 12:09 PM Go to message in response to: cdlynd

You REALLY should have invitations sent. That would save you all of this anxiety. But what's done is done and you do have time to let your family know how you are feeling and what type of wedding you want. Your wedding is in about 6 months so you still have time to have invitations printed and sent out and I would really suggest that. I think that would give you and your guests a very good idea of who is invited and who isn't. Good luck!

True love is like a ghost which many talk about but few have ever seen.

missouri , mexican_caribbean , august_2009 , december_2010
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summmerjojo Posts : 334 Registered: 4/25/12
Re: Gimme some feedback, am I being dramatic?!
Posted: Sep 5, 2012 8:46 PM Go to message in response to: cdlynd

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wzq103 Posts : 2,771 Registered: 9/11/12
Re: Gimme some feedback, am I being dramatic?!
Posted: Sep 22, 2012 2:11 AM Go to message in response to: cdlynd

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JenniferWillson Posts : 2,083 Registered: 9/12/12
Re: Gimme some feedback, am I being dramatic?!
Posted: Sep 24, 2012 3:00 PM Go to message in response to: cdlynd

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