How do I...

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ebonywifey Posts : 2 Registered: 5/28/10
How do I...
Posted: May 31, 2010 5:51 PM

Greetings everyone,

I recently have started planning my wedding. I had asked a few ladies to take part by being pages and bridesmaids. One of these ladies not only complained about the dress but, also about the fact that she wasn't the maid of honor.

My problem is that she is making all the other ladies in my wedding irritable. How can I ask her to not be involved in my wedding? How do I say it? What do I do? Please help me out!

Clueless in Minnesota

Your attitude, not your aptitude, determines your life's altitude. Be true to yourself always. Angie

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: How do I...
Posted: May 31, 2010 6:32 PM Go to message in response to: ebonywifey

OK. There are a lot of posts on here about this situation - you are not alone. There is no good way to ask someone to step down from the WP.

You have to look at it long and hard and make some decisions - Are you prepared to no longer be friends with this person? Because honestly, it's unlikely that the friendship will continue.

Truthfully, what she has done so far is not that bad (trust me, do some searches on here... lol) so if you would like to remain friends with her then I would say ignore it.

The other option is to sit down and talk with her and ask her if she still wants to be in the WP as she doesn't like the dress. If she says yes, then you are stuck unless you kick her out. But you can also use that time to express that you need support going through the wedding, not negativity.

Again, this is up to you but if you want to salvage the friendship moving forward, you are probably going to have to suck it up.


 

 

 

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ebonywifey Posts : 2 Registered: 5/28/10
Re: How do I...
Posted: May 31, 2010 8:53 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

What happened to its my day... why does she have the right to tell my best friend that she shouldn't have been the maid of honor? So how the heck can you say it isn't that bad... she also made crude comments... how isnt that bad? I guess that must have been ok at your affair if the bridesmaids were rude to each other... ruinin my day not hers so YES IT IS THAT BAD... that wasn't the last of it today she basically told me in front of 30 people that I shouldn't buy my wedding gown because I may not get married. She was jilted by her fiance a while back. She basically told me that my FIVE YEAR relationship would fail... so am I still in the wrong for considering to out her from my wedding party?



Your attitude, not your aptitude, determines your life's altitude. Be true to yourself always. Angie

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: How do I...
Posted: May 31, 2010 9:36 PM Go to message in response to: ebonywifey

Dear EW,

Here is a script.

Take your friend aside, privately, just the two of you. This must be face-to-face, no email, no texting.

"Friend, I have given a lot of thought to my wedding. I have decided to ask you to step out of the wedding party. Here are the reasons:

You do not like the dress.
You have made it awkward for Susie, who is the maid of honor.
"
etc etc etc.

These should be statements of fact, plain and simple. No drama, just the facts.

"For all these reasons, I have decided to ask you to step down."

Then, let her vent for a while.

Repeat: "I understand it's difficult for you, but my decision is final." Repeat that as necessary.

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: How do I...
Posted: Jun 1, 2010 12:28 AM Go to message in response to: ebonywifey

What happened to its my day... why does she have the right to tell my
best friend that she shouldn't have been the maid of honor? So how the
heck can you say it isn't that bad... she also made crude comments...
how isnt that bad? I guess that must have been ok at your affair if the
bridesmaids were rude to each other... ruinin my day not hers so YES IT
IS THAT BAD... that wasn't the last of it today she basically told me in
front of 30 people that I shouldn't buy my wedding gown because I may
not get married. She was jilted by her fiance a while back. She
basically told me that my FIVE YEAR relationship would fail... so am I
still in the wrong for considering to out her from my wedding party
?

You know what - this is what I get for not being a b**ch/brutally honest. Heck, I was honest. And I got ripped a new one.

You know what, I dont' give a flip what you do. You POST to an ANONYMOUS forum with MINIMUM info and expect a MAGICAL answer that agrees with YOU and NO ONE ELSE.

Cut her off. DUMP her as a friend. WHY would you care IF she did everything you said she did.

WHY would you want that person in your life? Seriously? She sounds like a poisonous friend.

Get rid of her and be done.



 

 

 

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: How do I...
Posted: Jun 1, 2010 1:30 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

ok, dump the friend have YOUR day and be done with it. there.
Pharm, be the bit**, that'swhat I"d be, that's what I'm best at, and where I"m happiest. This is stupid. BE THE BITC*. And, DUMP the toxic friend. geesh.

Proud Member of P.O.O.P., People Offended by Offended People

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: How do I...
Posted: Jun 1, 2010 8:04 AM Go to message in response to: ebonywifey

Look, you were given the tools you needed in a rather courteous manner.

Evaluate that friendship....review what she's done and whether this is someone who you want to have in your life.


IF you don't give a shit about continuing a relationship with this girl, then dump her. Tell her that her behavior as a bridesmaid has really brought to light what kind of a person she is and what kind of influence she's had on your life, and that you do not have time for her nonsense anymore.

However IF you wish to retain this friendship (although why you would if she's insinuating that you'll be jilted and everything else), then sit down with her and explain that you made her a bridesmaid because you love her and you need her support right now. Let her know that it IS your day and if you ask your gals to wear a burlap sack, then that is what they should wear with no complaints. Let her know that you're trying to keep their budgets in mind while picking out their dresses, but their dresses are not up for debate. Hate it or not, she agreed to buy the thing when she agreed to become a bridesmaid -- and that means pay up and shut up about it. She also agreed to be supportive when she agreed to be a bridesmaid -- and you do nto feel it is really supportive when she instructs you not to buy a wedding dress because the wedding might not occur.

The bottom line: how do you feel about continuing the friendship? If you don't care to continue it, ditch her. However, if you do...then you can do nothing more than sit her down and outline your expectations for her (should she choose not to follow them, then you'll know she doesn't respect you or your feelings, and might want to cut her off then.)

Misty

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