changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice

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DoesntPlayNice Posts : 809 Registered: 12/17/08
Re: changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 21, 2009 12:27 PM Go to message in response to: NJ4Life

I hyphenated...I wish I hadn't because it is sooo darn confusing. I will have to make a choice soon and drop one of my last names in order to join the police force and I am scared.

I was married once before and changed my last name to his and didn't think anything of it...when we divorced I changed my name back. So when I made SGT in the army (in the army you call everyone by their last name) SGT "maidenname" fit me. I could not bear losing my maiden name since that is what I was called all these years in the Army....so I hyphenated. Hyphenating has been a huge nightmare for a few reasons. #1. I don't want to introduce myself as Amber oldname newname...so I just say Amber Newname. #2. I forgot to change my name at certain places so I can't remember if they have me under new name or old name at places.

I lost my train of thought as usual....but I am really having a hard time dropping my maiden name and I don't really like my new last name. I don't like saying it and I don't like signing it.

Previously Posted as Military Bride.

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happydefiant1 Posts : 223 Registered: 7/9/09
Re: changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 21, 2009 2:16 PM Go to message in response to: MonaLisaRoyaleB...

When I got married the first time at 19 I was overly excited to take my EH's last name. I loved it and still do. I dropped my maiden name completely and go by Firstname, Middlename, EH Lastname. It fits well with my first name and it is a unique name that you don't hear a lot. I went through the entire process of name change for DL, SSC and everything else. When we divorced, I kept his name because my degrees and certificates are in that name. Now that I am remarrying, I don't know what to do. It is very appropriate for me to let go of EH's last name now, but I don't know if I wanna take FH's last name. He is divorced as well, and even though his ex and me do not have the same name, she kept his last name and likes to rub it in that she is Mrs. FH. I don't want to be known as second Mrs. FH and everytime I say aloud Mrs.FH to myself to gain excitement that I am about to be his wife... her image taints mine because when I think of Mrs. FH, she is all I see. I'm debating just going back to my original maiden name (putting my full name back to the one my parents gave me)... But, I will miss my current name. I love it so much! Plus, it's who I've been for the last 10 years.

In your case, I would suggest keeping your name or seeing if FH will take yours as a pp mentioned. I would be leary about having the same name as his ex for credit and other mixups and hyphenations are always so confusing.

My EH family had name issues. His aunt, mom and stepmom all have the same name!

Aunt: Born, Mary Smith, married Jones. Now Mary Smith Jones

Mom: Born, Mary Blah, married Smith so Mary Smith, Divorced Smith and married a dif Jones, and now Mary Smith Jones

Stepmom: Born, Mary Kirk, married Smith, Now Mary Smith.

How strange is that?!?!
Not all who wander are lost

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FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 22, 2009 9:57 AM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

Thank YOU for saying it too! I have felt bad for feeling this way! At least I know I am not I am the only one. And my whole name is a total of six syllables... way too long and very ethnic. People look at me like I am from Mars. I hate it!

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

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lesasue86 Posts : 75 Registered: 9/8/09
Re: changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 29, 2009 7:39 AM Go to message in response to: MonaLisaRoyaleB...

I suggesy you keep your own maiden name as the last legal name because this lady might get you in lots of truble. You might regret if you dont change it now. And its good that your husband is supportive in this regards, some men are very particular about changing names.
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FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 29, 2009 10:37 AM Go to message in response to: MonaLisaRoyaleB...

The same thing happened to my SIL. My SIL had the same name as my CRAZY stepbeast. (stepmom) This stepbeast was only married to my Dad for six months but we found out she had committed grand larceny in another state and had alias names. It was nuts! My poor poor SIL! Be careful! I would be very careful! Yikes!

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

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FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: changing last name or hyphenating? Need advice
Posted: Oct 29, 2009 10:38 AM Go to message in response to: DoesntPlayNice

So, what are you going to do? I don't like my new married name either! I actually liked my first married name... it sounded so easy! My name is so complicated now. I don't want to hurt my DH's feelings and I know his family would be offended if I dropped his name and just used my maiden name. I guess I am stuck with it. Ug.

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

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time94am Posts : 42 Registered: 5/16/10
One more option -- change nothing
Posted: May 16, 2010 1:46 PM Go to message in response to: FrancieElaine

I've been married over 20 years and never changed my name. Today that situation is not at all unusual, but back then, some people were confused and even thought that we weren't legally married because "both names had to be the same!"

I do not at all regret my decision, and for me, it was the right one. However, several of my friends hypenated their surnames, and one of the problems is that many don't realize that the hyphen is treated like a letter and think that only one side of the hyphen is the real name! And, unfortunately, many computer programs, even in the year 2010, do not recognize hyphens. However, in that case the letters just all run together, such as Smithjones instead of Smith-Jones.

I think if I were in the situation you're in, and knowing only what you've said, I'd keep my family name. Unfortunately, identity theft and other problems with mistaken identity seem like a very real threat to you, especially since your soon-to-be husband's name may be linked with hers because of their former union.

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