Maid of Honor may not make wedding

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mariewedding Posts : 13 Registered: 5/11/10
Maid of Honor may not make wedding
Posted: May 11, 2010 4:02 AM

My best friend is my maid of honor, and she lives in another state. Her husband is in the military, and he is deploying - and is slated to return right around the same time as my wedding. He has told her that he absolutely wants her present to greet him upon his return, and that she can buy a ticket to my wedding but might not be able to actually attend, if he returns right then. He won't know the exact date of his return until possibly a week before the wedding.

I am pretty sad about this -and am wondering if I should have a 'backup' maid of honor? Or should I just ask some one else (maybe someone who lives closer?) to fill that role? Or what should I do?

Help!

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Maid of Honor may not make wedding
Posted: May 11, 2010 8:16 AM Go to message in response to: mariewedding

Well that sucks, but I understand why they would want to see one another ASAP when he arrives home.

As for what to do, I would proceed as planned. I certainly wouldn't kick your best friend out of the wedding party simply because there's a chance she might not be able to make it. And I wouldn't designate someone else as a backup - because as you said, your MOH won't know for sure whether she can attend or not until about a week before, so you'd be designating someone else as MOH at the very last minute, which would likely make her feel like, well, a last-minute replacement.
I would proceed as planned. Dates for deployments can change many times over the course of a few months. I don't know how far off your wedding is, but considering that he hasn't even left yet, I'm assuming that it's at least a few months off. I wouldn't plan according to the dates he's been given at this point.

If I were you, I would talk to my friend. Is her husband open to traveling shortly after he returns? If that's the case, then you're really only going to have a problem if he's returning on the very same day as your wedding, or perhaps the day before. If he's returning a few days before the wedding, they can both attend (or she can go on her own), and if he's returning a few days later, she can get the first flight home after the wedding to meet him.

In any case, I would keep her as your MOH. It's not fair to kick her out because she might have something important going on in her own life that might (or might not) make her miss the wedding. And it's wouldn't be fair to another friend to ask her to fill in at the last minute (I'd sure feel like a second-choice if it were me). I would proceed as planned. If it turns out that she can't make it, I would list her in the program as Honorary MOH and ask another BM to help with some of the things you expected her to do on the wedding day.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Maid of Honor may not make wedding
Posted: May 11, 2010 9:17 AM Go to message in response to: mariewedding

Dear Marie,

I would not have a backup MOH, but would ask my mom or a favorite aunt to fill in with some of the practical duties on W-Day, should MOH not be able to attend. Then, at the reception, I would have someone (me, maybe) make an announcment like this:

"Most of you know that Marge Simpson is my maid of honor. She's my best friend and I love her dearly. She could not be here tonight, because this very day is the day her husband RETURNS FROM DEPLOYMENT!!! (applause) So, she had something better to do today, much better! Our thoughts are with Marge and Homer and our prayers go out in thanksgiving for his safe return."

Then, make sure MOH gets a video of the announcment.

I actually agree with MOH. If my husband was returning from a long deployment, wild horses would not keep me away from being there when he gets home.

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08divabride Posts : 831 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: Maid of Honor may not make wedding
Posted: May 11, 2010 9:39 AM Go to message in response to: mariewedding

I agree with both ladies. My manager's husband is currently in Iraq and all she talks about is her hubby coming home next month. She took two weeks off to be there and spend time with him.

However, I would not replace her because she just may be there and then the replacement will feel like...well a replacement!

Just play it by ear, and your day will still be wonderful! Good luck and keep us posted.

 Lilypie - (8e8A)

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mariewedding Posts : 13 Registered: 5/11/10
Re: Maid of Honor may not make wedding
Posted: May 11, 2010 5:25 PM Go to message in response to: 08divabride

Thanks, all. Yeah, I agree that her husband coming home is indeed a big deal. I just wasn't sure how to handle it all. That's good feedback and input and if she isn't able to make it, we'll definitely make an announcement.

Thanks!

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