I need advice on etiquette stuff....

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TheeBride Posts : 130 Registered: 1/17/10
Re: I need advice on etiquette stuff....
Posted: May 6, 2010 1:22 PM Go to message in response to: christinagsu

When's your wedding?? Your info thingy, hehe, says 4/11/10

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: I need advice on etiquette stuff....
Posted: May 6, 2010 1:56 PM Go to message in response to: TheeBride

Weird, the date I mean.

As far as priorities go, I'm more confused now. You have some money, but have prioritized such that none of that money will go to feed your guests? 12 of them? I agree with future, and others, and didn't respond before because I thought you just were looking to offload the costs of your wedding onto your guests, which is to me, rude.

I understand more what you're saying now, and that was what you were trying to do. You ahve some money, and want to limit costs, and have already gotten a free dress and free flowers, and will make a cake yourself I guess, so good luck.

The whole thing, to me, comes off as free loading and dinner for 12 doesn't have to be expensive!

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: I need advice on etiquette stuff....
Posted: May 6, 2010 3:41 PM Go to message in response to: christinagsu

Oh, and just so you guys know...I don't have literally $0...I am just hoping to limit and not have a $20,000 wedding.

It's fine not to spend 20K on your wedding, but you can't ask guests to pay for their own food. Like we said above, that's pretty rude. And now you know not to do that.

All Myra was trying to say is that IF you choose to have a reception - any kind of reception - feeding your guests must be a priority. It's fine to limit refreshments to what you can afford or care to spend, but it is NOT fine to ask people to pay for themselves. That's where Myra's priority list came from, and it makes sense:

1) The bare minimum to get married is a marriage license. That is the only thing that is strictly necessary, therefore, it must be your first priority.

2) If you choose to have a reception of any kind, which is not strictly necessary to get married, you as the host have an obligation to be hospitable to your guests. At the minimum, this means providing the venue and light refreshments. If you're having your reception dinner at a restaurant that is open to the public at a time when normal people would expect to eat a meal, you should pick up the tab for the meal. So your second priority must be guest comfort. If you're having a reception, it's necessary to feed your guests.

3) After that, nothing else is strictly necessary, so everything else becomes 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc priorities. Yes, it is nice to have more than what is strictly necessary, but when it comes down to it, the rest of it isn't as important as the two first priorities. If you intend to get married, you NEED a marriage license. And if you intend to have a reception, you need to pay for your guests to eat. All else comes after those first two points, thus they must be lower on your priority list.

You're right that everybody's priorities are different, but you asked about ETIQUETTE. According to etiquette, a gracious host makes his/her best effort to make guests comfortable, including providing reasonable comforts. If you're taking your guests to a restaurant and expecting everyone to eat, you need to pick up the tab. A gracious host looking to save money would cut things that benefit herself, not guest comforts.

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Marryingmytruel... Posts : 135 Registered: 2/11/10
Re: I need advice on etiquette stuff....
Posted: May 6, 2010 4:20 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

NJ- Ask The Countess. LOL!!


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christinagsu Posts : 50 Registered: 11/18/08
Re: I need advice on etiquette stuff....
Posted: May 6, 2010 4:27 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Thee-good point with the plastic...definitely would work better with the boxes, didn't even think of that. The place will be able to host a reception. I have decided I want to do a brunch...oh...that's a good question....If I do like an 11AM ceremony and "brunch" to follow (since breakfast is like my fave meal)...is that too late for a brunch? Would earlier be too early for a ceremony? What is appropriate time for ceremony and a brunch reception? Your friend's cake sounds too cute!! I have seen this in pictures a lot recently...it seems to be a growing trend.

Yeah, when I first signed up with Brides.com my date was April...that changed. We are now looking at November, but I haven't signed any contracts yet.

Cyndi - It's not that I "prioritized such that none of that money will go to feed guests"...It was merely a question I had because the first idea I was tossing around in my head felt so informal to me. Obviously...that was a way bad idea...so I have totally let that one go. I definitely don't want to be "rude" to my guests so I will be paying for them to eat.

Art - I see what you are saying, I just didn't take it that way when she said it.

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dodgercpkl Posts : 130 Registered: 9/27/09
Re: I need advice on etiquette stuff....
Posted: May 7, 2010 5:15 AM Go to message in response to: christinagsu

I know prices for everything are different everywhere, but I'm paying less then $6k for my wedding including dinner for 90, flowers, venue for ceremony and venue for reception (2 diff places), photography, videography, invitation, officiant, tux, makeup and hair for myself and 2 bridesmaids, and probably some other things. The only thing I can think of that's not included in that $6k is honeymoon and my attire because my mom really wanted to buy my dress etc for me and the honeymoon well.. I just think of that as coming out of seperate funds anyway. lol

You can make it happen if you look hard enough and do the research.


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TheeBride Posts : 130 Registered: 1/17/10
Re: I need advice on etiquette stuff....
Posted: May 7, 2010 8:35 AM Go to message in response to: dodgercpkl

{color:#000000}christinagsu wrote:Thee-good point with the plastic...definitely would work better with the boxes, didn't even think of that. The place will be able to host a reception. I have decided I want to do a brunch...oh...that's a good question....If I do like an 11AM ceremony and "brunch" to follow (since breakfast is like my fave meal)...is that too late for a brunch? Would earlier be too early for a ceremony? What is appropriate time for ceremony and a brunch reception? Your friend's cake sounds too cute!! I have seen this in pictures a lot recently...it seems to be a growing trend.

Yeah, when I first signed up with Brides.com my date was April...that changed. We are now looking at November, but I haven't signed any contracts yet.


That's great they can host the reception, yaaay you got the venue you wanted!! Hmm, as far as the time, I would think it depends on how far away the ceremony location is from the reception site and how long the ceremony would be. Brunch, to me, would be eaten sometime around 11-12...even 12's sorta pushing it and anytime after 12 really becomes 'lunch'...again, just my opinion. I wouldn't mind receiving an invitation to a 10AM wedding, if that's what you're worried the guests would be thinking. I've never been to a brunch reception, I love the idea...plus you get the entire rest of the day with your hubby :o)

Hmm, you guys need to pick a date before booking anything for the reception...unless they can do it there maybe. What's this place called? I wanna look it up! Hehe

dodgercpkl wrote:I know prices for everything are different everywhere, but I'm paying less then $6k for my wedding including dinner for 90, flowers, venue for ceremony and venue for reception (2 diff places), photography, videography, invitation, officiant, tux, makeup and hair for myself and 2 bridesmaids, and probably some other things. The only thing I can think of that's not included in that $6k is honeymoon and my attire because my mom really wanted to buy my dress etc for me and the honeymoon well.. I just think of that as coming out of seperate funds anyway. lol

You can make it happen if you look hard enough and do the research.

WOW, you really got some good deals. I'm so jealous! LOL

"I carry your heart with me, I carry it in
my heart. I am never without it, anywhere
I go you go, my dear..."

E.E. Cummings

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dodgercpkl Posts : 130 Registered: 9/27/09
Re: I need advice on etiquette stuff....
Posted: May 7, 2010 11:10 AM Go to message in response to: TheeBride

hehe... Thanks Thee. :) I've done alot of searching and talking to vendors to make it happen, but I'm really happy with everything. :)


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christinagsu Posts : 50 Registered: 11/18/08
Re: I need advice on etiquette stuff....
Posted: May 7, 2010 7:53 PM Go to message in response to: dodgercpkl

Thee - Yes, my intentions are to have the ceremony and reception in the same place. The contract they sent me has the ceremony starting at 11AM and the reception(brunch) at noon. There are some kinks I need to work out in the contract...but you think I should do 10 AM ceremony and 11AM Brunch...I mean really it would be more like 11AM ceremony and 11:30AM brunch the way they have it bc it's not going to take long for the ceremony and all we have to do to get to the reception is get on the elevator and go up (same building).

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TheeBride Posts : 130 Registered: 1/17/10
Re: I need advice on etiquette stuff....
Posted: May 10, 2010 9:25 AM Go to message in response to: christinagsu

They probably have the ceremony at 11:00 and brunch at 12:00 to accommodate pictures for your wedding party or time for your guests to get situated in the reception room. I don't think changing the time is really necessary though if you don't want to. I was just thinking that as a guest by that time I probably would've already eaten breakfast and would be thinking we're being served lunch. It's no biggie though really, maybe you could just note that's it's a brunch somewhere on the invitation ("brunch reception to follow") or maybe on your website if you have one (I set one up on mywedding.com).


"I carry your heart with me, I carry it in
my heart. I am never without it, anywhere
I go you go, my dear..."

E.E. Cummings

Daisypath Wedding tickers
  

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christinagsu Posts : 50 Registered: 11/18/08
Re: I need advice on etiquette stuff....
Posted: May 10, 2010 2:28 PM Go to message in response to: TheeBride

TY Thee- I will put it on the invitations.

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