"And Guest" on Save the Dates for a Destination Wedding

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IDzine01 Posts : 26 Registered: 2/27/09
"And Guest" on Save the Dates for a Destination Wedding
Posted: May 2, 2010 2:30 PM

I have been doing a little web research to find out if I should put "and guest" on my Save the Dates. Basically, my sources all say no but with my wedding requiring airfare for most of my guests, I wonder if I should.

On the other hand, I only have a few "and guests" so perhaps it isn't that important. My fiance was recommending we send the actual invitations out a little earlier (about 2 months before the wedding), which of course, would include the "and guest" wording and still allows them time to buy their plane tickets.

Does anyone have any thoughts or advice on this?

“Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them.” -Sex and the City


myras Posts : 396 Registered: 2/26/10
Re: "And Guest" on Save the Dates for a Destination Wedding
Posted: May 2, 2010 4:02 PM Go to message in response to: IDzine01

I like the idea of an earlier invitation. Does "and guest" mean that these friends can bring just anyone they want? Or, do specific people have specific significant others that you wish to invite? If the latter, then why not send invites to the significant others? At two months out, you're relatively sure that couple will still be couples at the time of the wedding, and you won't have (for example) your friend's new squeeze who you've never met and who turns out to be an obnoxious drunk. Sending save the dates really early can stick you with people that you really don'twant to have at the wedding because conditions/relationships have changed.


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: "And Guest" on Save the Dates for a Destination Wedding
Posted: May 2, 2010 5:12 PM Go to message in response to: IDzine01

Dear ID

I'm sort of an anti-save-the-date person. I, personally, think they are unnecessary.

Lots of people like them, which is fine, more power to 'em.

Since you are having a destination wedding, and since you have only a few friends in the situation of being single and possibly wanting to bring a date, I suggest you just talk to those people individually. Find out if that person is seeing someone that they might like to accompany them to your wedding location, then invite them both by name.

There's no "one size fits all" here. Figure out what to do about each individual person.


ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: "And Guest" on Save the Dates for a Destination Wedding
Posted: May 3, 2010 9:40 AM Go to message in response to: IDzine01

I would skip the save-the-dates (abbreviated STDs, just so you know what kind of STD's I'm referring to!) We've seen a LOT of brides come on here later on in their planning, totally regretting sending STDs. The problem is that they lock you into a guest list much earlier in the planning. Once you send them out, you're obligated to invite everybody who received one - even if circumstances change between then and the wedding (and we see that a lot, as I said) and the guest list needs to be cut.

As a guest, I find them totally unnecessary. If we're going to be invited to a wedding of someone important to us, we usually know the date (through Facebook, email, text, phone call, or good 'ole face-to-face communication) before we receive a STD, which makes them unnecessary, even for destination weddings. If a close friend is planning on getting married in, say, Mexico, I'd be pissed if I learned about it via a piece of paper or magnet in the mail. And if I'm planning to go, I've marked the date down on my calendar before I receive the STD. So they're totally unncessary when you're close to the couple. The other scenario is when you're NOT particularly close to the couple, but for whatever reason, you're on their guest list anyway. In this case, I might not know about the wedding before receiving the STD - but receiving it doesn't really affect my decision to go. I usually forget about it (even if I stick it on the fridge, I forget about it, as I usually have tunnel-vision when moving towards the fridge), not mark the date down on my calendar and start making plans to attend months in advance. I never decide whether or not to attend until after we've received the actual invitation. Then we look at our schedules and decide whether we're able and willing to spend the money to attend. I NEVER mark down a wedding on my calendar months in advance unless it's the wedding of an immediate family member or VERY close friend that I wouldn't miss for the world. So STDs are completely useless to me for both those reasons: if I'm very close to the couple, I already know the date (and destination, if it's a destination wedding), and if I'm not, I don't need to know that early (even for a destination wedding, as I wouldn't attend one unless I was very close to the couple).

In your case, I would skip the STDs and just spread the word of the date and destination. An email with your wedding website would be a good way of doing this (as you can't fit all the info guests will need to know on a STD anyway). Your FH has a good idea to send the actual invitations early, but I'd send them earlier than 2 months. That seems to be the average for a non-destination wedding lately. I would send them 3-4 months in advance, but keep the RSVP date the same so people have plenty of time to decide whether they can go, make plans, and get back to you.

As for how to address them, who are the 'and guests'? Are they boyfriends/girlfriends of your guests, or are you inviting your guests to bring random dates? If they are BF/GFs, you should really address the invitation/STD to both people (if they don't live together, send one to each of them). I would have been pretty pissed if I had received an invitation addressed to me + guest if I was in a relationship. If, on the other hand, you're inviting guests to bring random dates, I think it's a nice gesture, but I wouldn't expect anyone to pay to fly a random date to a destination wedding, though you might get some people bringing a friend and making a short trip out of it. If that's Ok with you, then address the invitation/STD to 'Friend and guest.' If I were single and invited to a destination wedding, my decision of whether or not to attend might be affected by whether or not I could bring a friend. Since destination weddings are also vacations or mini-vacations for a lot of people, I'd be more likely to go if I knew I could bring someone rather than having to vacation alone. I think it's best for you to give your guests all the info straight off.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People


MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: "And Guest" on Save the Dates for a Destination Wedding
Posted: May 3, 2010 12:15 PM Go to message in response to: IDzine01

I second the above posts who suggest that you talk to them individually. I'd let them know about your wedding, and ask them if there is anyone they think they'd like to bring. Then just send the STDs as you normally would, and then send the invitations out to them and their guests.

Further remarks on what Artbride said above: Generally, if I get an STD in the mail to someone whose destination wedding I already am aware of and know that I am invited to, it's unnecessary -- I've already planned to come (or not to come) and it's just another piece fo paper the bride and groom paid for.

If I get one to a wedding I didn't already know about (or know that I would be invited to), I ask myself if I am willing to put aside the money/time necessary to go (this is generally a question of whether it's a vacation I want to take). In this case, I do appreciate the STD, because a two-month invitaiton window is not enough for me to put aside the money/time in order to go (again, this is assuming I definitely want to go the location your wedding is in.)

So, to me, the real question of STDs is whether you want to increase the size of your guests. The more time you give people to plan to go, the more likely they are to actually go. But, if you've already let the important people know when the wedding is, you may want to save yourself the expense. Just a thought.

Happy Wedding Planning.


"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson


jmd22 Posts : 125 Registered: 7/17/08
Re: "And Guest" on Save the Dates for a Destination Wedding
Posted: May 3, 2010 1:23 PM Go to message in response to: IDzine01

My fiance and I live in Southern California, but we are having our wedding at his parent's house in Idaho. When we sent out the Save the Dates (about 8 months before the wedding) we included any serious boyfriends/girlfriends of guests on the envelope, and did the same on the invitations, which went out in April for our July wedding. Then I also talked to my other single guests individually and told them that if they would like to bring a date, they were welcome to do so. I think that for a destination wedding, no one would want to come all by themselves, unless they are part of the wedding party, or know a lot of the other guests who will be attending.....


hljanes Posts : 57 Registered: 12/31/09
Re: "And Guest" on Save the Dates for a Destination Wedding
Posted: May 4, 2010 3:01 PM Go to message in response to: IDzine01

Over half of our guests will be traveling and we are not doing save the dates - or, if we do, we will send them to only a handful of people who might want to keep them, like grandparents. We don't want to be locked into the guest list too early, and we are doing the (I know, bad etiquette) A list/B list thing and STDs are not conducive to that.

We're going to send our invites a little earlier than usual as a result, because people will have to travel.


IDzine01 Posts : 26 Registered: 2/27/09
Re: "And Guest" on Save the Dates for a Destination Wedding
Posted: May 8, 2010 6:30 PM Go to message in response to: hljanes

Thank you for all the great advice and varied opinions. There were a lot of situations and perspectives very different from my own and I appreciated hearing them. We have decided to leave the "and guest" off and take the advice of the person who said to call the few people we DO have "and guest" for and get the names of the people they'd like to bring.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to write. All the advice was really helpful.
“Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them.” -Sex and the City


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