Newbie needs to vent....

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kms31690 Posts : 7 Registered: 12/23/09
Newbie needs to vent....
Posted: Apr 2, 2010 7:17 PM

Hey everyone! My name is Keri and my fiance and I are planning a February 2012 wedding. I've posted on the board a few times, but I figured that I'd introduce myself before I started venting. haha.

So my gram (and other relatives) are driving me nuts. Everything that I try to plan or think about for our wedding is wrong. When I called her to tell her that I was engaged, she didn't even congratulate me! Then she was mad because I didn't want to get married in her church (I didn't grow up in her church, of course I don't want to get married there!) Then she was mad because I wasn't having a Civil War themed wedding (I am a history nerd). Then it was because my FI wasn't going to medical school. Now its because I want to have a winter wedding. She keeps asking me to change it or just plain complains about it. My family came out for Easter today and they started on me about a winter wedding. I understand that we live in Pennsylvania and sometimes its snows. But that is partially why I want a winter wedding. I think it would be so pretty to have snow on the ground. I kept explaining that we are planning on having the ceremony in the morning and a lunch reception so they would be home before it got too dark.

Does anyone else have problems with their grandparents, parents, other family members? Am I wrong to want to plan a wedding the way my FI and I want to?

Sorry for that vent. Thanks for listening!

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agd1017 Posts : 464 Registered: 9/14/09
Re: Newbie needs to vent....
Posted: Apr 2, 2010 9:15 PM Go to message in response to: kms31690

There is no way you can please everybody. So, I'd suggest planning the wedding that you and your FH want. The others will enjoy your wedding when the time comes.

Amanda and Eric
10/10/10

Amanda and Eric

 

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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: Newbie needs to vent....
Posted: Apr 2, 2010 10:00 PM Go to message in response to: agd1017

Everyone in your family will have an opinion. They will also have opinions about how you raise your children.

Consider your wedding practice for learning to say "Thanks for your input", then doing it your own way. As long as you take good care of your wedding guests, you've done your job and you should plan whatever else you like for your wedding.

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Newbie needs to vent....
Posted: Apr 2, 2010 10:51 PM Go to message in response to: kms31690

Plan the wedding how you and your FH want otherwise you both will regret it in the end. It's impossible to make everyone happy. If they say to you that they won't show up for the wedding then tell them that's too bad but you wish that they will be there. I highly doubt they really mean that, they may just be testing you out so you can do things THEIR way. Be strong and don't let them talk you into anything you don't want to do.

 

                           
                                          CIMG7482-1.jpg picture by CheetahAngel81

 

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alymar Posts : 100 Registered: 3/2/10
Re: Newbie needs to vent....
Posted: Apr 2, 2010 11:24 PM Go to message in response to: kms31690

I have learned and use the mantra - its my wedding...

1 - it is your wedding... 2 - its your wedding... 3 - its your wedding...

Like the PPs said - everyone will have an opinion. I got into the same fight with my parents with the whole church thing and still but heads from time to time about various things (recently it was the invite wording). But in all truth - everyone can give their advice but its your decision in the end, you have to make you and your FH happy no one else that day. Just tell them thank you and you will put on the things to think about. Sometimes people just don't understand that what you want isn't what they think you want or what they would do.

You do the wedding you want. Personally I think it sounds beautiful! A winter wedding in PA? Gorgeous! Talk about natural deocrations!

And I'm sorry but why would your granma think you wanted a civil war wedding? Are you a civil war historian?
Friendship is a wonderful base for love...
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SMGray Posts : 84 Registered: 1/2/10
Re: Newbie needs to vent....
Posted: Apr 3, 2010 12:41 AM Go to message in response to: kms31690

Grandmothers, moms, FMILS, sisters, cousins, etc, are all very good at butting into wedding planning. I don't think that most people realize that you don't just have their "concerns" to deal with, but that a bunch of other people are bombarding you with requests as well. When you put all those people together and try to sort out what everyone wants, it can be totally overwhelming.

What the FH and I have been trying to do is prioritize people. We'd never tell a friend or family member that they aren't a priority, but some are not. His brother and my parents schedules were taken into consideration, because even if nobody else can come, we'll be happy if they're there. If you feel like your most important guests will have a problem with something, take that into consideration, but don't cater to everyones specific issues. There are people who won't be able to make it to our wedding because of the date, but that would be the case for any day we chose, so we picked what worked best for us and the people we're closest to.

Obviously you want your grandmother to be happy about the wedding, but I'm willing to bet that she'll show up no matter what the theme. How your wedding looks should be entirely to your taste, you would never ask your grandma to redecorate her living room in your favorite color- so she shouldn't ask you to redecorate your wedding for her. As far as the winter weather, it seems like you've put some thought into making things convenient for people in case of snow. That's really the most you can do.


"And so I come, to be the one, who's always standing close to you."- Van Morrison

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VšnTillBruden Posts : 353 Registered: 1/16/10
Re: Newbie needs to vent....
Posted: Apr 3, 2010 5:37 AM Go to message in response to: agd1017

She who pays, makes the decision!

Are you footing the bill for the wedding? Your family can buck up and deal with what you're planning. If they can't be happy for you, that's their problem. I'm not saying go out of your way to make them uncomfortable, but if this is something you really want, follow through on it!

Is your grandma paying for parts of it? Then you need to take a few of her thoughts into consideration, but don't compromise on key things that are important to you and your FH. If you want to look like a Southern Belle and have a Civil War inspired wedding, do it! If Grandma wants to pick out your appetizers, fine, let her give her input.

Be strong. Not everyone is going to agree with you, so just be ready to meet some opposition from people, and try to not let it affect you.

Good luck!

Love me when I least deserve it, because that is when I need it the most. (Swedish proverb)

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kms31690 Posts : 7 Registered: 12/23/09
Re: Newbie needs to vent....
Posted: Apr 3, 2010 12:41 PM Go to message in response to: alymar

Thanks everyone. My gram is not paying for any part of the wedding. I appreciate her thoughts, but I have to remember that it is my wedding - not hers.

My gram thought I might have a Civil War themed wedding because I love the Civil War. I am in the process of collecting things to start reenacting. :)

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wdubin Posts : 49 Registered: 4/27/08
Re: Newbie needs to vent....
Posted: Apr 3, 2010 1:52 PM Go to message in response to: kms31690

I would try to avoid talking about the planning of the wedding with them. Then they'll have nothing to complain about.

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