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Unhappy

Online Users: 1,320 guest(s), 2 user(s). Replies: 14

BrideinDebate Posts : 2 Registered: 3/30/10
Unhappy
Posted: Mar 30, 2010 1:26 AM

thank you


Edited by: BrideinDebate on Mar 31, 2010 7:06 PM

dallas_ftworth , august_2011
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CatStandish Posts : 2,767 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Unhappy
Posted: Mar 30, 2010 8:04 AM Go to message in response to: BrideinDebate

You know what they say about too many cooks in the kitchen.

No, you do not need to ask everyone's opinion. Let them be surprised at the overall effect.

Misty

september_2009 , dallas_ftworth , august_2011
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NicoleN1101 Posts : 44 Registered: 3/19/10
Re: Unhappy
Posted: Mar 30, 2010 8:20 AM Go to message in response to: BrideinDebate

I'm a bit confused, are you wanting the support of these people or their opinions? Or are you wanting them to actually help in the planning and budgeting process? You have to be careful what you ask of others, because you might not get what you were expecting. The only opinions that really matter are yours and your FH. Unless ofcourse your parents are footing the bill and then they get a say in the matter as well. If you are just wanting Aunt Bessy's opinion on the bridesmaid dresses, be prepared for an opinion, and it may not match your own.

Maybe you have different taste than everyone else, if that's the case, either don't ask for their opinion or don't get offended by it. Everyone has an opinion and most people don't wait to be asked before stating theirs.
If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane!

april_2010 , dallas_ftworth , florida , august_2011
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ArtBride Posts : 4,841 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Unhappy
Posted: Mar 30, 2010 8:29 AM Go to message in response to: BrideinDebate

No, you don't have to involve everyone in the planning, and you certainly shouldn't tell people how much money you spend on something.

If I don't know how much something costs, I might oooo and ahhhh about it, too. But if someone volunteers the price, I suddenly have an opinion either way. It's really not fair to share pricing info and expect that not to color people's opinions of stuff.

I suggest that you cut down on the number of people you share with. And cut down on the amount of info that you share. That doesn't mean that you can't ask someone's opinion when you want to, but be prepared that they might not necessarily agree with you. And if you share financial information, they'll have an opinion on that, too.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

dallas_ftworth , august_2011
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BWFrancie Posts : 70 Registered: 11/11/09
Re: Unhappy
Posted: Mar 30, 2010 8:36 AM Go to message in response to: BrideinDebate

You do not have to include anyone in the planning of your wedding. You are free to do every single detail yourself and should do exactly that if that's what you want to do. I would not discuss the details of the wedding if you don't want unsolicited advice. If you bring up details, most people jump in and ask, "Have you thought about doing it this way?" or "I did this in my wedding." They don't mean anything by it, they are just trying to help. So keep the details to yourself. If anyone asks, "Do you need help?" or "Can I help?" just be polite and say, "Thank you so much for asking. We have a very strict budget so I am taking care of everything". That's all. It doesn't have to be hard. Good luck!

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dallas_ftworth , north_carolina , august_2011
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myras Posts : 396 Registered: 2/26/10
Re: Unhappy
Posted: Mar 30, 2010 1:16 PM Go to message in response to: BrideinDebate

when people open my planner to see what we are doing I can't help that problem


Are you kidding? You've been married 24 years, and you don't know how to keep private papers private? Don't discuss, don't debate, smile sweetly, say that your decisions are final, and end the conversation. If you're not taking anybody's money, then you don't have to take their advice. You're a grownup, so act like one.
myra@classysassyweddings.com

november_1975 , august_2011 , dallas_ftworth
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Unhappy
Posted: Mar 30, 2010 2:34 PM Go to message in response to: BrideinDebate

Dear BD,

" My debate is that my family all think we are idiots to be doing this. "

I agree with them. You've been married 24 years and now you want a "wedding" type event? Dress? Cake? Bridesmaids? I'd be laughing hysterically if one of my friends were to do that after 24 years. No way would I attend, as it would be too hard to keep a straight face.

Get a grip.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Unhappy
Posted: Mar 30, 2010 2:37 PM Go to message in response to: myras

Dear Myra,

"Are you kidding? You've been married 24 years,"

I missed the 24 years thing the first time I read the message. Good catch.

I'm waiting to hear of how she's registered for gifts. "I am entitled to that KitchenAid mixer I didn't get 24 years ago!!!"

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BWFrancie Posts : 70 Registered: 11/11/09
Re: Unhappy
Posted: Mar 30, 2010 2:53 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I totally missed the 24 years thing too! Uhhggghhh!

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north_carolina
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08divabride Posts : 832 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: Unhappy
Posted: Mar 30, 2010 3:55 PM Go to message in response to: BrideinDebate

Seriously ma'am, are you serious? If so, I have to agree with the other posters. Nobody's opinion should matter but the financial contributors. But you should know that as you have been married 24 years?!?

If this is a joke, I am already laughing my ass off!

 Lilypie - (8e8A)

august_2011 , september_2008 , georgia , dallas_ftworth
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hljanes Posts : 57 Registered: 12/31/09
Re: Unhappy
Posted: Mar 30, 2010 4:44 PM Go to message in response to: BWFrancie

I think she added the second part later.

If you want to do a vow renewal, with a wedding dress, fine.

I'd say no bridesmaids, no registry, and maybe go with a more sophisticated gown. I'd say 24/25 years of marriage is a milestone worth celebrating, and if you want a fancy cake and a fancy dress and a formal party, go ahead.

But definitely no bridesmaids, and don't register.

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,963 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Unhappy
Posted: Mar 30, 2010 5:12 PM Go to message in response to: BrideinDebate

I would also think someone was nuts for having a "wedding" after being married for 24 years. I also find it odd that you are upset about other people not treating it the same as they have their own weddings. Um, there's a good reason for that.

__________________________________________

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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ArtBride Posts : 4,841 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Unhappy
Posted: Mar 31, 2010 8:56 AM Go to message in response to: BrideinDebate

This is so confusing, with additions being made to the original post.

The simple answer is to not let people see your planner. You should know that people will give their opinions on anything whether you want them or not. If you don't like people commenting on your choices, don't share with them. As far as the general comments go on planning a wedding-type vow renewal after 24 years of marriage, you run the risk of comments by choosing to have the event. If the celebration you're planning is right for you and your marriage, who cares what anyone thinks?

I can't believe I'm giving this advice to someone who has been married since I was five years old. This is general life experience, and I'm pretty impressed that someone was able to make it to her age without learning any of it.

In any case, congratulations on 24 years of marriage and I hope that your party is all you want it to be.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

dallas_ftworth , august_2011
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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,963 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Unhappy
Posted: Mar 31, 2010 10:18 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

It is confusing, isn't it?

But to echo Art, if it feels right for you, then that's pretty much all you should need to feel comfortable going forward. Enjoy Ireland! I'm insanely jealous -- that's totally on my Places To See list.

__________________________________________

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Unhappy
Posted: Mar 31, 2010 11:39 AM Go to message in response to: BrideinDebate

Ladies,

I think we need to freeze this OP. It's really confusing with all the additions.

Is it wrong of me to start to not include people in the planning process because every little detail has to be judged and I feel alot of negitive feedback from my choices for our wedding that I'm getting to the point of throwing my hands in the air. I understand that weddings can be alot of money and staying on budget is critical which I'm doing, but it is our wedding not theirs.
When people you expect to jump at the chance to help you, support you, and give advice to you... well don't. Those same people at other people's weddings that ohhh'ed and ahhh'ed at everything. So am I wrong or should I just let it go or let them go???


Thank ya'll so much for your advice in this. For clarity let me say that I have never openly discussed our budget but when people open my planner to see what we are doing I can't help that problem. My debate is that my family all think we are idiots to be doing this. This is a renewal wedding and I want the whole kit and kaboodle. Dress, cake, party...etc. The first time we wore jeans in a judges office and that was 24 years ago. My debate is that I was hoping for the beaming smiles for our wedding and not "facepalms" and what the hell is she doing now. Adding to the heartache only my husband is willing to go get the dress with me. Advice needed please.. Edited by: BrideinDebate on Mar 30, 2010 12:43 PM


Again thank you for advice. No we are not registering for gifts and no bridesmaids just a simple vow exchange and a big party afterwards. Good news though we talked to his family and they are totally happy with us having it there with them so we have cancelled all plans here and starting the new plans for there..so we are off to Ireland.
Thank you Thank you Thank you Edited by: BrideinDebate on Mar 30, 2010 10:28 PM

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