Stay at Home Wife Stigma?

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Agape14 Posts : 201 Registered: 12/31/08
Re: Stay at Home Wife Stigma?
Posted: Mar 25, 2010 6:56 PM Go to message in response to: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (or is it hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh):

I sincerely apologize for using the "F" word and for my awful f-minist ways. It is awful for me to advocate for an end to oppression for than half the world's population. It is wrong and I should be punished.

lady, I think you seriously need a little Agape in your life. Since you obviously don't know what it means, Google it.

And now I'm leaving the boards, FOREVER, because of the mean lady (oh wait, that part of the act hasn't happened yet)


 

 

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Stay at Home Wife Stigma?
Posted: Mar 25, 2010 7:10 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

"Cleaning your house is a chore. Its just something you have to do. And
you do it. You dont leave your job to do it. I feel like Im talking on
some sort of strange 1950s message board all of a suddent. This is just
very weird stuff."

yes, Kelley, it is. Do you have any idea how happy I was to see DH cleaning the bathrooms last weekend, all of them? I was THRILLED. Know why? I knew they needed cleaning, I did not want to clean them, and I certainly get no JOY from cleaning them. I also do not get joy from vacuuming or mopping or dusting. Nope. It has to be done, and whenever I don't have to do it, I appreciate that. One of us has to, sure, but is it my job? Absolutely not. Do I want it to BE my job? Nope. Would I want to do it day in day out for my entire life???? noway.

We eat cheaply. Generally. Often chicken breast, cause it's cheap. Given our schedules, we also do take out some. I can cook, I will cook, but I genuinely can not ever imagine myself feeling happy or personally fulfilled because I did cook. I feel happy and personally fulfilled when I do a good job on a case, have happy clients, help people who need it, work out like I know I should, spend time with the grandbabies, etc. You know, meaningful stuff. To me, cleaning and household chores are just not, and never could be, meaningful.

And if I told DH tomorrow I'm not working anymore, he'd think I grew a second head!!

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Stay at Home Wife Stigma?
Posted: Mar 25, 2010 7:26 PM Go to message in response to: Agape14








OOOHHH LOOKIE HERE..a HOT meal!!!! Gee whiz! Now go and fetch me my slippers woman!



Notice anything about these pictures? They are OLD!!!!! Move out of the 50s people lol.

There is more to life than donning your husbands socks.


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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Stay at Home Wife Stigma?
Posted: Mar 25, 2010 7:34 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

haha. Dick and Jane got married. :) I got in trouble because I refused to take home ec. I wanted an alternative class. My mom backed me up!! I took shop instead. I did not want to sew or cook. My grandma tried to get me to like it, but when she figured out I did not, she did other things with me that I did like, like reading and learning about history and education. She was equally happy to teach me whatever I wanted to learn. Grandpa too. And yes, my "feminist" grandparents were born in 1918.

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: Stay at Home Wife Stigma?
Posted: Mar 25, 2010 7:41 PM Go to message in response to: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

The thing I find to be totally perplexing in this whole thing is this position that you have taken that we are being negative for suggesting that people have a plan. The other thing is your continual use of the statement that the people who are saying all these what you consider to be negative things are either jealous or bitter or some combination of the two. Most of the woman who have made the so called negative statements are just as family oriented as you are they just choose to work in the house as well as outside the house. We find our enjoyment and personal satisfaction that way.

I am by no means bitter and I am definately not jealous. I was a stay at home wife/mother and I hated it. As I stated earlier my family is better off when I work outside of the house. I am happy so they are happy. When I was at home I was miserable. My house was clean, my laundry was done, I shopped, I did all the things you feel are the job of a wife and mother. I did not enjoy it. I wasn't happy and because I wasn't my family wasn't either. My husband's salary provided us with a nice lifestyle. It just wasn't enough for me.

I have no problem with anyone who wants to do it. I say more power to you. If it works for you go for it. I just feel it is important for people to have a back up plan. We all need something to fall back on. We need some kind of cushion especially in this economy.

I am also curious to find out what you think are the negatives of being a working wife/mother. I have found not draw back but then I am a dreaded feminist as you say. I do believe in equal pay for equal work nothing wrong with that. I don't necessarily consider myself a feminist I consider myself a realist.

Agape I would appreciate it if you would send some Agape my way.





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Doglover Posts : 1 Registered: 3/25/10
Re: Stay at Home Wife Stigma?
Posted: Mar 25, 2010 7:57 PM Go to message in response to: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

To hhhhhhhhhhh,

I so want to apoligize to you for all the rudeness that has been displayed to you. I am in my 20's and had a stay at home mother. She too put up with a lot of comments that were not very kind as it was the 80's and 90's that I was growing up. I want you to know, that not all young working women behave in the manner that the majority of the women on here have. I decided to check this out because a friend of mine is on here, and she couldn't believe the way you were being treated. I have followed it with her since this morning and I can only say, I'm so incredibly sorry. I am so happy that you found the same joy as my mother did in being a stay at home mother. I am working right now and will stop when we have children, my choice, not my husband's, not anyone's, but mine.
I read your original letter and no where did you insult or demean anyone.
You stated your opinions on how you felt. I understand your concern for this girl, and her questions as to what people think about stay at home wives and mothers. When I read the incredibly insulting and harsh manner in which people were attacking you, I had to get on here and say my piece. As I was growing up, I witnessed many cruel and harsh comments to my own mother. I vowed that when I grew up, I would never behave in this manner toward a woman who stayed home, as I knew the pain it caused my mother. I am incredibly embarrassed about the manner in which these "brides" have gotten their point across. I don't blame you at all for getting so upset, I would too if I were treated in such an ill mannered way. Thanks to my mother and other women of your age, I have made a decision that I know will be best for me and any children I should have.
No man will ever weigh in on the decision I choose for myself or my children. If my husband didn't agree with me that I should be a stay at home mother and wife, he'd be gone and I'd find one who did, that is what true feminism is about. It's not slamming a woman who found her passion and followed it, and was trying to reassure another woman with the same dreams. Again, I apoligize to you hhhhhhhhhhh, for the rude comments to you, and the incredibly immature insults about your heading and your view on life. Just remember, there are still some of us young working women, who truly appreciate the input of older women who have experienced so many more things in life than us. And I agree with you on one thing all the way. Whether or not a woman has children and stays at home, is a personal decision and in no way makes her a lazy person. After we grew up, my mother continued to stay home, and we loved it, just as she loved it, and my father loved it.
My advice to you hhhhhhhhh, is get off of this site immediately. These "brides" do not respresent a lot of us new brides, instead, they have embarrassed me and my friend. Good luck to you in your life, and thank you for your input. I will forever love and adore MY mother for taking such good care of us and my father.

I will not respond to any comments from anyone on here. I only got on here because I was appalled and ashamed at what I was reading. I for one will not be a part of a community such as this.

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Stay at Home Wife Stigma?
Posted: Mar 25, 2010 8:05 PM Go to message in response to: Doglover

And so it goes, we are now up to persona number THREE.

this is entertaining, I will say that much.

bye dog lover hhhhhh.


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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Stay at Home Wife Stigma?
Posted: Mar 25, 2010 8:16 PM Go to message in response to: cyndi33

Doglover has one post and is sticking up for hhhhhhhhhhhhhh and claims to have come on here because "a friend told her to", same as hhhhhhhhhhhh. How shocking.

No, theyre not the same person. Not at all.



Have you all forgotten the title of this thread? Its Stay at Home WIFE Stigma, not Stay At Home Mom.... I have a lot of respect for stay at home moms, because being a mom is a fulltime job and its every couples decision to make whether or not they stay home with their kids, work, or something in between.

That is not what we are talking about here. We are talking about women whose purpose in life seems to be nothing except serving their husbands needs, cooking for him, providing hot meals, and keeping a clean house. I dont know -- my husband and I both have full time jobs, and somehow or other, we still manage to "keep a clean house" and to feed ourselves. Most people do.

A stay at home mom has a job. She is raising her children. A stay at home wife is just another word for unemployed.

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Edited by: kelleyiskelley on Mar 25, 2010 8:17 PM

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Stay at Home Wife Stigma?
Posted: Mar 25, 2010 8:22 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Well gee, Kelley, you're causing an awful lot of pain with your cruel posts.

Part of it is stay at home moms. But for me it is in the sense that I don't want them to go through what so many women HAVE gone through, when something happens.

I also agree whole heartedly with MrsM and MsD and all the others about the residual effects of that on all women.

BUT, as far as happiness from a purpose that is solely based on providing daily hot meals and cleaning the house for my DH, I do NOT get it. ANd my DH would think I was insane. We don't have young kids, I went nuts the 3 months I was unemployed looking for a job, although the house was pretty freaking clean cause I was bored out of my mind!!

Also, we provide a lot of care for our grandbabies, work full time, and yes, clean our house. I dont care if I were raising kids or not raising kids, I do not find household chores meaningful and fun.

Time with kids to me is fun, but during those times I'm playing, holding, reading, NOT cleaning.


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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: Stay at Home Wife Stigma?
Posted: Mar 25, 2010 8:58 PM Go to message in response to: cyndi33

Why do people always find the need to apologize for me? If I want to apologize I am fully capable of doing so all by myself. I just find it funny that people will come out of the woodwork to defend somebody against all the mean girls, but they don't find that the person they are defending is be just a nasty.

I find the fact that both people came out guns blazing to defend something so strongly and be so completely wrong in what they are defending. I don't get why if I don't agree with someone I have to be mean or bitter or jealous or old or some other nonsense.

I can disagree with Kelley or Cyndi or Artbride or MsD or AOTB or Myra or any number of others and I am not being mean but in this instance I am being mean for having the nerve to suggest to someone that they should have a plan why is that Doglover? I know you said you will not respond to any of us because we are such meanies. I was just curious.

 

 

 

Kenny and me perfect together, 10 years and counting

Sucks to be you, So glad I am me

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Stay at Home Wife Stigma?
Posted: Mar 25, 2010 9:12 PM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

Well, I think that disagreeing with someone is just mean. And you're a meanie kennys. and when you disagree with me again, and i"m sure you will since we both openly express opinions, I will just have to leave. Because I don't like meanies. I want everyone to agree with me and spout rainbows and sunshine. Otherwise, I will leave and NEVER come back.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Stay at Home Wife Stigma?
Posted: Mar 25, 2010 10:27 PM Go to message in response to: cyndi33

Ladies,

Staying at home or working outside the home or working for pay in the home is a CHOICE.

Everyone, male, female, young, old, newlywed, long-time married, with children, without children make CHOICES.

You make choices that are best for you and your life. Other people make choices that are best for them and their lives.

So long as those choices are reponsible choices (meaning I don't have to pay for your bad decisions) then your choice is your business, just as my choice is my business.

As I said upthread, no matter what choice you make, someone will come along and tell you why that is a bad choice. So long as you are not asking that person to pay your way or provide you with a safety net if your choice is irreponsible, then it's no one else's business what you do.

FYI, in my house, my husband does 99% of the cooking and we have nice meals every night. (Tonight: steamed crab and rice.) Our house, our business, our marriage, our choice.

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SweetSurrender Posts : 130 Registered: 5/14/09
Re: Stay at Home Wife Stigma?
Posted: Mar 25, 2010 11:35 PM Go to message in response to: Sunnijoy

I read through most of the posts on the thread and skimmed through the rest; here's my two cents, for what it's worth.

I don't think I could ever be a stay-at-home wife. What would I do each day? I just know I'm not the type of person who could "keep house" and nothing else all day. I'd probably end up picking up random hobbies to pass the time.

I do, however, think that I could be a stay-at-home mother. I would love to stay home with my (future) children unitl they are of school-age; but after they enter school, I would go back to work. I do, however, have a number of things I wish to pursue career-wise that makes the stay-at-home mom option not so great for me... so this probably won't happen.

Regardless of my personal preferences, I respect the fact that everyone has the right to make their own decisions. My mother worked, then was a stay-at-home mom for some time, then went back to work, then became a stay-at-home mom again before starting her own (now successful) small business. My FMIL has worked full-time all of her adult life, while FFIL was a stay-at-home dad for several years. To each his/her own.

In response to the whole "have back-up plan in case you get divorced" thing... I couldn't agree with it more! One of my aunts was a stay-at-home wife and mother but got divorced from her douchebag husband after fifteen years. She was left with nothing, and had to struggle to find a job with a high school diploma and no job experience. She worked retail for a number of years until she was lucky to make some connections for a better opportunity. She still regrets never having a back-up plan to this day.

I think that's everything I wanted to cover...

 

"Love doesn't make the world go 'round.
Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Stay at Home Wife Stigma?
Posted: Mar 26, 2010 12:43 AM Go to message in response to: SweetSurrender

Yes, AOTB, and when you post them on an internet forum, they are all up for debate. Plus, trolls annoy me, on principal.

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Stay at Home Wife Stigma?
Posted: Mar 26, 2010 9:11 AM Go to message in response to: Sunnijoy

Wow, this thread is interesting in a weird way. I am sure that the original poser didn't mean to start such a heated thread but the reality is that a lot of people have different opinions on this matter. I personally don't know how now-a-days in this tough economy that we live in, how there can only be ONE person in the household working. To me that just seems impossible unless they won the lottery or unless the person going to work has a very good job like being a brain surgeon. My FH and I work in order to survive. Get this folks, I work TWO jobs (one of which is full time), I go to grad school part time, and I still manage to cook and clean and take care of my cats. I don't cook everyday of course but my FH is not picky and he is happy with his mac and cheese for dinner some nights. He does not expect a "hot home cooked meal" when he comes home. If he did I would have left him a long time ago. Even though he works too he still manages to help out with the cleaning and he does the dishes and stuff.


I think it's important for women to go out and work. I understand if kids are stopping the wife from working but once the kids get older what is there left to do at home? I know someone who is a stay at home mom. Both her kids are grown and in their late 20's. Dad is the only one that supports the family. Well one day Dad decided to leave! He just left his wife and two kids. Now what? Since mom didn't work now they are faced with paying all the bills on their own. Her kids have to help pay the bills too! If mom worked they would not be as stressed because she already would have had money coming in. But now mom has no job experience and it will be hard for her to get a job, especially in the world we live in now.


If a person REALLY wants to stay at home then it's very important to have a plan in case something were to happen. The husband could lose his job, he could very well just decide to walk out on the family like what happened to the person I know, a new baby may bring a lot of extra expenses that would mean that an extra income is a must. By having a plan you're preparing for the worse. Face it, like Kelley said, we are in 2010, it's tough out there now.


 

                           
                                          CIMG7482-1.jpg picture by CheetahAngel81

 

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