Registry Inserts

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Jnikki Posts : 42 Registered: 11/2/08
Registry Inserts
Posted: Mar 19, 2010 8:00 PM

So I know that there is a lot of talk about etiquette and registry inserts. I've talked to people who I know wouldn't get offended by the question and most people I talk to prefer to have inserts in their invitation. I don't kow if this is a new generation or culture trend or what. But I really think that experts my need re-evaluate this, like take a poll or something. They say that having an insert about your wedding website is okay...but to me thats the same thing kind of and besides not everyone uses the internet. I don't know...people may think its tacky but I know my guests pretty well and the majority of them are used to getting inserts (thats what they've told me and I have received them and not been offended) and are not offended, in fact, appreciate the time saving. I'm still kind of torn. What do you all think?

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Registry Inserts
Posted: Mar 19, 2010 9:50 PM Go to message in response to: Jnikki

Dear Jnikki,

If someone wants to know where a couple is registered, they can ask either of the them, their parents, their siblings or their wedding party. There are many modes of communication: texting, IM, Facebook, email, telephone.

Any one who wants to know can ask.

Those who might prefer to buy the couple something that is not necessarily on their registry would not need a registry card, thus, why give it to them proactively?

Registry cards that are made to be inserted into invitations were not designed for the convenience of the guests. They were designed as very low-cost advertising for retail stores. Compared to the cost of a four-color newspaper insert, a teeny registry card is a bargain.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Registry Inserts
Posted: Mar 20, 2010 11:26 AM Go to message in response to: Jnikki

I don't like registry inserts. I wouldn't say that they OFFEND me, but I think they're tacky. I have no problem with a couple including their wedding website, however, as wedding websites typically have lots of info on them that guests need, not just registries. I usually visit a couple's wedding website to get hotel information. I might check out the registries, but I usually don't purchase gifts off registries.

As for the question of people who do not use the internet, most people do. And anyone who does not use the internet is probably old enough that they have attended many weddings over the course of their lives and don't need your website or your registry to think of an appropriate gift.

All things considered, I'd skip it. It's really not any more convenient to have registry info in an invitation than it is to visit a wedding website or send someone a quick text or email to see where they're registered, if you don't want to give cash. What's the worst case scenario if you don't include them? Someone might not know where you're registered and they give you cash or pick out a gift that's not on the registry. What's the worst case scenario if you do include them? Someone might think you're being greedy. Seems like a no-brainer to me.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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TheeBride Posts : 130 Registered: 1/17/10
Re: Registry Inserts
Posted: Mar 20, 2010 11:44 AM Go to message in response to: Jnikki

My MOH asked if the place I registered for gave me inserts so she could put them in the shower invitations. We registered at Bed Bath & Beyond and actually didn't get inserts, I'm not really sure what she ended up doing; however, I have noticed a few things from the registry have been purchased. I stopped looking though, where's the surprise in that? Hehe! Anyway, I always used to think the invitation got the registry insert but I guess "etiquette" says not to put them in there. My opinion, who cares? Put 'em in if you want, I don't really think it's a big deal. For the most part, everyone registers for their wedding so what's the big deal in letting them know where? Not to say each guest "has to" purchase from the registry nor "has to" come with a gift. I had my registry information on my wedding website and put that on the Accommodations card, no separate insert.

My bridal shower's actually next Saturday and the bachelorette party's that night, I'm SO excited! My Grandma actually spilled the beans and told me everything....yeah, sorta on purpose I think. I told her of course I knew there was a shower but didn't know when or where or any of the details because it was supposed to be a surprise. So she decides to hand me the invitations. Haha, whatever. At least I know when I have to look "shower-ready" and "bachelorette-party" ready, picking out outfits today :o)


"I carry your heart with me, I carry it in
my heart. I am never without it, anywhere
I go you go, my dear..."

E.E. Cummings

Daisypath Wedding tickers




Edited by: TheeBride on Mar 20, 2010 11:45 AM

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wdubin Posts : 49 Registered: 4/27/08
Re: Registry Inserts
Posted: Mar 21, 2010 11:12 PM Go to message in response to: TheeBride

I wouldn't put inserts in my invitation. As mentioned above, there are many other ways for guests to find out about your registry.

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MirraUnwin Posts : 33 Registered: 7/20/09
Re: Registry Inserts
Posted: Mar 22, 2010 2:54 PM Go to message in response to: Jnikki

Hello!

I suppose I'm not the typical person, but if I want any information about a wedding and I don't want to hassle the couple about it, I would either as someone else invited to the wedding about gifts, or go to their website. I don't think it's tacky to put in registry inserts. But I was worried about it when I did my invitations.

So instead of an insert for each registry, we had an information card. Along with the invitation in a jacket, we printed out an info card, recommending attire, accommodations, and put our gift registries on there. We haven't sent them out yet, so I don't know what the response is to this approach just yet.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Registry Inserts
Posted: Mar 22, 2010 3:03 PM Go to message in response to: MirraUnwin

Dear Mirra,

"and put our gift registries on there. We haven't sent them out yet, so I don't know what the response is to this approach just yet."

I hope you reconsider.

A place like this, an anonymous message board, is about the only place you'll hear people's true feeling about things such as registry info in the invitation. I find it distasteful, but I would never say a word to a couple who used them. I would just think "gift-grabby" in the privacy of my own thoughts.

To the couple I would say, only, "What a lovely wedding! You have my best wishes.".

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: Registry Inserts
Posted: Mar 22, 2010 3:17 PM Go to message in response to: MirraUnwin

Mirra, I wouldn't put all of that information on the invite because it seems as though your invites are becoming more of a handbook for your wedding than an actual invite (don't know what to wear, flip to page 4 of the invite). Get what I'm saying? People have been going to weddings for years, they know how to figure out where the couple is registered, or how to dress. If they are unsure, it really shouldn't take to much time out of their lives to make a quick phone call.

I think it's fine to include a website URL with more info. Also, with a website, I have the choice to view it or not. If you send me a direct invite with the dress code on it, I feel as though you are telling me what to wear. If you directly send me registry info, I feel you are telling me to buy you something. If it's just on the website, it's not screaming out my name "Hey You, buy me this" as it would on an invite, does that make sense? Sorry if it sounds confusing


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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Registry Inserts
Posted: Mar 22, 2010 3:24 PM Go to message in response to: Jnikki

True story:

I went to a wedding two weeks ago, where my husband was a groomsman. When we first got the invitation (which was really charming), it did not have any registry information nor did it have a wedding website. It contained an RSVP card and a note with hotel information.

Some background: Between myself and my husband, I always buy the gifts. I always check the registry, weigh the options of how much things are, decide if we should give cash or a gift, etc. I prefer to give gifts before the wedding, because I think that's the better thing to do.

Anyways, two weeks ago, I'm waiting to file into the ceremony room, pre-wedding, and I look around, and the people around me all have their gifts with them, and that's when I realize: I'd completely forgotten to get a gift. I was mortified, honestly. Not so much because of the breach of etiquette, but because I never, ever forget to buy a wedding gift. It's a process I kinda enjoy, so I was really suprised that I'd completely forgotten. I told the woman I was sitting near, who is also married to a groomsmen, that I just realized I'd forgotten, and she mentioned that she had as well until last week.

Looking back, I realized I forgot because they didn't put anything in the invitation that triggered in my head "buy a gift." What I usually do when I receive an invite, is put the gift information in my purse, then when I get to work, I buy the gift. But with no registry information, and no wedding website information (which usually triggers me into remembering to look up gift-buying) I just completely forgot.

Now, I know I'm supposed to call the family, but I didn't, for two reasons 1) I don't know the family. My husband does. And he never asked because he doesn't think about these things, and I never asked him cause I forgot, and even if I did, there would only have been a 50/50 shot of him remembering to ask the groom. 2) Even if I did know them, I don't like bugging the family who is wedding planning. I'm uncomfortable with it, honestly.

Anyways, I don't like registry inserts in invitations much either, because for me, it reminds me of a financial obligation when I just want to feel excited for the couple and event. (However, info about a wedding website does not bug me in the least, because I would want to peruse one even if I had already decided to give cash). But given the experience of last week, I now think I'm grateful for all the help a couple wants to give me. . . :-)

That's my 2 cents, anyway.

__________________________________________

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Registry Inserts
Posted: Mar 22, 2010 4:41 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

Dear MsD,

You do have up to a year to get a newlywed couple a gift. Lots of people give gifts after the ceremony; no problem.

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Registry Inserts
Posted: Mar 22, 2010 5:24 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

True; I just don't like to, especially if I plan on buying off a registry. I know that after I got married, there was a small window of time when I could buy items from the store I was registered at for a discount -- I don't want someone to try and guess what they might/might not still get off their registry if they plan on completing a set of china, towels, etc.


__________________________________________

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Registry Inserts
Posted: Mar 22, 2010 7:14 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

Dear MsD,

Sure, I understand. I almost always get wedding gifts ahead of time.

It's just that you are not a total perv for getting the gift to them a few days after W-Day.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Registry Inserts
Posted: Mar 23, 2010 8:46 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

If I'm planning to buy a gift off a registry rather than giving cash, I almost always send it after the wedding. Hear me out! I'm a last-minute shopper, I'll admit it. I just don't like buying gifts a month before the occasion. It's something I picked up from my mom at a young age (she couldn't hide gifts with 4 inquisitive kids in the house, so she was forced to be a last-minute shopper) and I can't kick the habit and shop in advance. Plus, I'm busy. Anyway - I don't buy gifts until the last minute. Before I was married, I never would have thought twice about purchasing a gift off a wedding registry a few days before the event - now I feel differently about that because we had about a dozen UPS delivery slips on our door when we returned from our honeymoon and had to drive to the regional processing place to pick them all up. I wouldn't want to inconvenience somebody like that - or even worse, have a UPS guy leave a wedding gift on their porch and have it get stolen! - so I wait until the week after the wedding to order a gift, if I am purchasing something off a registry. I try to time it so that it's late enough that they're home to receive it, but not so late that they've already received their registry completion coupons and planned to purchase the item themselves.


DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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NicoleN1101 Posts : 44 Registered: 3/19/10
Re: Registry Inserts
Posted: Mar 23, 2010 9:06 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Just say no to regisrty inserts. Go the route of wedding website info in the invite. just my opiniong but the website has more info I will want as a guest than just where to buy a present.
If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane!

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Jnikki Posts : 42 Registered: 11/2/08
Re: Registry Inserts
Posted: Mar 23, 2010 5:50 PM Go to message in response to: Jnikki

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your responses....I still don't think that inserts are a big deal, however, I don't want any of my guests to feel obligated to a buy a gift and I don't want anyone to be offended. So I am going to include the website on my reception flyer (yes I said flyer...its a club/party themed reception so instead of an elegant reception card I did a small flyer, goes well witht the theme). Thanks for yor helpl

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