Long engagement

Online Users: 0 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 18

AbbieJ Posts : 2 Registered: 3/4/10
Long engagement
Posted: Mar 4, 2010 5:10 PM

My boyfriend of 3 years has been dropping hints that he's going to propose on my birthday in August (I could be wrong of course). We've been living together in a rented apartment for around 2 years. We've saving up at the moment to buy our own place. With that as our main financial focus, I think he if does propose, we would be engaged for least 3/4 years before getting married.

We've talked about marriage and having children and it is what we both want. I'd love it if he did propose but at the same I feel stupid wearing an e-ring without planning a wedding for a year or 2.

Does anyone think it's worth having a long engagement or should we wait until we're more likely to actually start planning it?

Edited by: AbbieJ on Mar 4, 2010 5:20 PM

Reply


myras Posts : 396 Registered: 2/26/10
Re: Long engagement
Posted: Mar 4, 2010 6:32 PM Go to message in response to: AbbieJ

You can get married any time you want to, and have a big reception whenever you can pay for it.
myra@classysassyweddings.com

Reply


LOnDZ Posts : 57 Registered: 6/10/07
Re: Long engagement
Posted: Mar 4, 2010 11:20 PM Go to message in response to: AbbieJ

Before my BF and I decided to hold off on our engagement until some things were worked out, we were going to be engaged for 3 years when we were planning to be married. I never felt stupid wearing the ring, but when people asked me, "When are you getting married?" I would say "May of 2010...after we graduate from college." I always got a surprised look if I didn't add that second part. Even from my mom. Sooooo, you could just say that you know that you and he want to get married, but that you are saving for a house and after that, you'll start planning. Whether you want to wait to get engaged or not is your choice of course, but I wouldn't if I was in that position.

 

Daisypath Anniversary Years Ticker

 

Reply


ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Long engagement
Posted: Mar 5, 2010 9:57 AM Go to message in response to: AbbieJ

If I were in your shoes, I would wait. Personally, I see no point in getting engaged if the wedding isn't going to take place for 3 or 4 years, and I (in the privacy of my thoughts) wouldn't really think of such a couple as seriously engaged.

Of course, there's also the option of getting married sooner, as Maya suggested.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

Reply

Hillbillygirl Posts : 1 Registered: 3/4/10
Re: Long engagement
Posted: Mar 5, 2010 10:55 PM Go to message in response to: AbbieJ

If it makes you happy do it. I am planning a wedding that will not happen until May of next year. We are both deeply in love and committed to each other. We also agreed that our house needs repairs and we have bills to pay off. Money spent on the wedding we would like should wait. So we are budgeting accordingly for wedding and honeymoon. It is all about what YOU BOTH want what others think is not important.

Never say never..

Reply


bosoxgirl Posts : 231 Registered: 2/3/10
Re: Long engagement
Posted: Mar 9, 2010 8:09 PM Go to message in response to: AbbieJ

I think couples with long engagements over 2 years are never taken seriously. Why get engaged when you aren't getting married for another 3 years?

I'd wait. Enjoy each others company and continue towards your financial goals.

 

  

Daisypath Anniversary tickers

 

 

Reply


StarlitHolly Posts : 47 Registered: 2/23/10
Re: Long engagement
Posted: Mar 9, 2010 8:21 PM Go to message in response to: myras

If you are living together, buying a house together etc, then I would assume that you are combining your incomes, using a shared bank account, have the same home address, etc...
So, what will change if you get married? Not much. Maybe your name, if you want it to.

I would agree with myra - you can get married whenever you want (a wedding licence costs about $100, and a JP to perform the ceremony is quite reasonable) and then have a big reception when you can afford it. Maybe a big 3-year anniversary party!

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ the world is made of faith and trust and pixie dust ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ 

21. Canadian. Living in Hawaii. Stay-At-Home Wife.

Reply


ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Long engagement
Posted: Mar 10, 2010 9:33 AM Go to message in response to: StarlitHolly

a wedding licence costs about $100,

I've never heard of a marriage license being that high. The fee for ours was something like $35.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

Reply

Marryingmytruel... Posts : 135 Registered: 2/11/10
Re: Long engagement
Posted: Mar 10, 2010 10:13 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Abbie- I would just continue to work on your financial goals right now and plan on getting engaged when you can start planning. If I were you I would set up a time frame with your BF. We are going to have X amount of dollars saved by January 1, 2011. Then focus all of your efforts on that goal.


Daisypath Wedding tickers

Reply

AbbieJ Posts : 2 Registered: 3/4/10
Re: Long engagement
Posted: Mar 10, 2010 4:31 PM Go to message in response to: AbbieJ

Thanks for all the replies. I'll talk to my bf about it. I'm 99% sure he's gonna propose (he's not very subtle sometimes). We could do the jp thing but may be better to hold off for a while. Not sure what to do but if we don't get engaged until a few more years it's not a big deal.

Reply


StarlitHolly Posts : 47 Registered: 2/23/10
Re: Long engagement
Posted: Mar 10, 2010 4:47 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Artbride - granted I'm coming from a Canadian perspective here :)

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ the world is made of faith and trust and pixie dust ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ 

21. Canadian. Living in Hawaii. Stay-At-Home Wife.

Reply


August28th Posts : 153 Registered: 1/28/09
Re: Long engagement
Posted: Mar 14, 2010 8:54 PM Go to message in response to: AbbieJ

You could have a JOP and do something fun with it. Pay him/her to come to your home, parent's home, a city park and have a small ceremony with parents and siblings. Buy a simple dress a cheap/small cake and have fun, then have a blow-out reception/anniversary party in a few years. If you do go the small JOP route, I suggest having your parents their, I don't know any parent who wouldn't want to see their child get married, even in a simple ceremony. Good luck!!


True love is like a ghost which many talk about but few have ever seen.

Reply


okhg635 Posts : 4 Registered: 9/2/09
Re: Long engagement
Posted: Mar 16, 2010 11:50 PM Go to message in response to: August28th

I think that long engagements are completely acceptable. I only plan on being engaged once so I don't see an issue with being engaged for a few years. There's only so much time that you get to call your soon to be spouse a fiance or fiancee before you get married, then you will call eachother husband and wife for life....just some food for thought...

Reply


ChrisBride Posts : 33 Registered: 1/14/09
Re: Long engagement
Posted: Mar 17, 2010 4:40 PM Go to message in response to: AbbieJ

I don't think having a long engagement is bad at all! I'll be engaged for two years when he does officially propose there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. It is a little odd explaining it to people but I always just say we want to make sure we have enough money saved up for the big day.
Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Reply

waiting2bemrs Posts : 9 Registered: 3/22/10
Re: Long engagement
Posted: Mar 22, 2010 5:20 PM Go to message in response to: ChrisBride

I have mixed feelings about long engagements. I think if it is a serious relationship, and both people are committed to each other and plan on getting married anyway (like it seems you and your BF are) then a long engagement is fine. I have friends who didn't feel right calling each other BF/GF, but didn't want to get married until a specific date: 12/12/12. They will be engaged for about 4 years before they get married, and I think that is fine. I also think in your situation a long engagement would be fine too. Long engagements that I will never take seriously are those who get engaged their freshman year of high school, and are 'waiting' until they are legal to get married. Personally I think these engagements are just glorified 'bf/gf' relationships. However, I do know some couples who were engaged in high school and have finally set a date... long after college - so there are always exceptions.

Also, I feel I should mention that I don't think 2 years is a long engagement. My cousin was planning her wedding and shot for 1 1/2 years, but ended up pushing it back 6 months because it was taking longer for her to plan it than she'd thought. (Probably because it was a complete D-I-Y wedding...)

Reply
RSS

Thank You
for Signing Up!

Check your e-mail inbox for the latest updates from brides.com

Give a Subscription to Brides Magazine as a Gift
Subscribe to Brides magazine