Bridesmaids and tattoos

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cassijon Posts : 1 Registered: 2/21/10
Bridesmaids and tattoos
Posted: Feb 21, 2010 8:34 PM

Two of the girls in my wedding party have tattoos that will show in the bridesmaid dresses we would like. Would it be offensive to them if we ask them to wear tattoo make-up to cover them or should we try to find dresses that would cover the tattoos?


And if we should ask them to wear the tattoo make-up, how should we ask them without hurting anyones feelings?

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Bridesmaids and tattoos
Posted: Feb 21, 2010 9:02 PM Go to message in response to: cassijon

Let the bridesmaid decide for herself how she wants to handle her tattoos.

Did you ask them to be in your wedding party because they'd look great in the dress you picked... or did you ask them because of their importance in your life?

My MOH has four tattoos. I allowed them to pick their own dress and she insisted her dress be long enough to cover them. I told her that I didn't mind if they showed. She wanted to cover them up.

Other bridesmaids love their tattoos and don't want to cover them up outside of the work environment. This is a day of celebration, yes. The focus will be on you, true. But these are your friends....why would you ask them to hide who they are just to make your pictures look 'better'. You'll look at them and think "she looks weird without her tattoo"

And if your parents are driving this...then perhaps you ought to tell mom "That's who Stacey is. We accept each other as we are and that's that."

If it really bothers you... choose a dress that covers them.

If it bothers your bridesmaid, I assure you, she'll cover them herself without you asking if she thinks it is appropriate. Don't ask her to, and if she asks you what you want...tell her you want her in your wedding and she should do whatever makes her most comfortable.

Misty

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Bridesmaids and tattoos
Posted: Feb 21, 2010 9:26 PM Go to message in response to: cassijon

Dear Cass,

It all depends. Did the ladies have tattoos when you asked them to be bridesmaids? If so, then you are on shaky ground for "suddenly" deciding they are unattractive.

If they got the tattoos after you asked them to be bridesmaids, then just ask them to wear the makeup.

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Bridesmaids and tattoos
Posted: Feb 22, 2010 12:48 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I'm with aunt. I think it partly depends on when they got the tattoos.

Also, where are the tattoos? Could you have them wear wraps to cover the tattoos for the pictures, but still use the same dress that you like?

Also, I think it depends on how sensitive the girls are. Could you ask them if they'd mind covering the tattoos? If they do mind, don't force them, but if they don't mind, why not? You of course pay for the makeup to cover them.

I hate, hate HATE the look of tattoos (well, except my husbands, of course, lol). But I did not ask my SIL to cover hers. I just didn't think it would be right, and I didn't know her well enough to feel comfortable asking.

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Bridesmaids and tattoos
Posted: Feb 22, 2010 7:21 AM Go to message in response to: cassijon

I would let the bridesmaids decide what to do. They will be offended if you tell them to cover it up. Basically it's saying to them that you don't like them because of their tattoo. It's not what you mean but it's what they will think you are saying.

There are many girls on here who have had bridesmaids show their tattoos and even brides too. I think it doesn't take the attention away. A tattoo is what makes a person.

Think of it this way, I would feel offended if I was a bridesmaid and the bride told me to take off my glasses for the wedding. My glasses is a part of me and if the bride doesn't like it then more than likely I will back down.

This of course will be different if the tattoo was offensive such as having a swear word or a naked guy/girl or a rasist symbol.




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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: Bridesmaids and tattoos
Posted: Feb 22, 2010 7:45 AM Go to message in response to: cassijon

I have a tattoo that is visible on a day-to-day basis.

Honestly, if somebody asked me to cover it up while being a bridesmaid--I wouldn't think twice about it, it would be done. I would actually probably even ask the brides if they wanted me to cover it. Well, maybe not--because that's extra make up to buy--but I would be totally anticipating the possibility of it being asked and very accepting.

Maybe I'm just not as sensitive as others about it--but I understand if they are going for a certain aesthetic or if they feel uncomfortable around certain family members having a tattooed bridesmaid.

I feel as though when you ask somebody to be your bridesmaid or your MOH or whatever--you are doing it because of the significance in your life--not whether or not they have a tattoo. If they are slightly irked about having me as a tattooed bridesmaid but really want me there because i am important in their life--than I can do something as simple as covering it up for a few hours on a very important day of their life.

Just think about your tattooed bridesmaid's personality as well as her relationship with her tattoo. I'm pretty laid-back and I'm pretty sure a bride would have no trouble approaching me about it. If your bridesmaid is a little sensitive, has ever expressed that her tattoo completes her in anyway or is "apart of her" or is even just a little high-maitenance--I would probably not bring it up with her and just let her wear it.

Why is it that you don't want the tattoo visible?

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Bridesmaids and tattoos
Posted: Feb 22, 2010 8:50 AM Go to message in response to: cassijon

Personally, I don't think tattoos are a big deal, so I wouldn't ask a BM to cover hers. The only reason I would ask a BM to cover her tattoos would be if the wedding was to be at a church and the pastor asked for no tattoos to show. And in that case, I wouldn't ask her to cover it with makeup - I would probably just get her a shawl or make sure her dress was long enough to cover it.

I have a tattoo, but it's not visible when I'm in normal clothes. If a bride wanted me to wear a backless dress, it would show - but I'd object to a backless dress for other reasons, so it's really a non-issue. However, let's pretend it's higher on my back and would show in a normal dress. If a bride asked me to cover it with makeup, I'd probably be annoyed. What's next - asking me to dye my hair because it doesn't match the wedding colors? If she asked me to cover it with a shawl during the ceremony and photos, no big deal - but I'd be pretty annoyed if I was expected to cover it with makeup. But I'd also be annoyed if a bride required me to have my regular makeup done a certain way, so maybe that's just me.

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Bridesmaids and tattoos
Posted: Feb 22, 2010 10:04 AM Go to message in response to: cassijon

I think you have to ask yourself how much you really care about it and how much it really matters. For me, without seeing the tattoo, I can't really say if it's offensive to ask them to cover it up or not.

If you do decide that you don't want visible tattoos at your wedding, I'd allow them the option of either covering it up or picking a dress that will do it for them. This would mean risking bridesmaids with dresses that don't all match exactly (which is fairly common these days, anyway). This way, you're essentially asking them to make a compromise that's completely reasonable, and I think totally fair.


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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Bridesmaids and tattoos
Posted: Feb 22, 2010 10:38 AM Go to message in response to: cassijon

Dear Cass,

Let's put it this way.

Once a person gets a tattoo, it becomes a part of them. It's like a birthmark.

Unlike a birthmark, the tattoo was a positive choice on the part of the individual. When Susie decided to get a screaming dragon over her entire left arm, she should have been prepared for any ramifications of that decision.

She might be turned down for employment due to the tattoo. She might be not asked to be a bridesmaid due to the tattoo. (My company, a conservative financial firm, does not permit visible tattoos in the workplace.)

However, the bride had veto power before asking Susie to be a bridemaid. If the bride dislikes the tattoo, then she should ask someone else. If Susie says "Why wasn't I asked?", then the bride can tell her the truth. Let Susie live with the fact that her choice in tattoo has drawn some boundaries around life's possibilities.

A birthmark is a whole different story. A birthmark was not in any way the choice of the individual. The birthmark does not "say" anything. It's just a blob. I have a port wine birthmark of my own starting at my left elbow and going a bit up my arm. I would be very insulted if anyone, anywhere, asked me to cover it up for any reason. No one ever has, not in my 55 years. It's there in my own wedding photos, unretouched. I have a friend whose red-headed daughter has the typical red-head freckles over her face, shoulders and arms. She would be insulted if someone told her to put makeup over her freckles.

I would say that other physical "inperfections" should be dealt with the same way, such as a bridesmaid who needs an assistive device, such as eyeglasses, a cane or a wheelchair.

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SarahSarah Posts : 93 Registered: 10/9/09
Re: Bridesmaids and tattoos
Posted: Mar 1, 2010 4:42 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Coming from personal experience...I was supposed to be in a wedding where the bride asked us to cover up our tattooes, and take out any piercings (I had a nose ring, but she wanted any 'non traditional' ear piercings as well...even tho they would not show under hair).

Even tho she had tattooes...and was not covering them up herself! Reason being was that she could afford to Photoshop hers out of the wedding pictures, but she couldn't afford ours...like the photog charged by the tattoo or something (pretty sure she was lying).

We all found it hurtful and offensive. Like we didn't 'look the part' for her traditional wedding.

Maybe because on top of that, I was told to grow out my bangs, not wear my trademark liquid eyeliner, and my kids/BF weren't invited to the reception until AFTER dinner (to save money).

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jmrosazza Posts : 12 Registered: 2/7/10
Re: Bridesmaids and tattoos
Posted: Mar 6, 2010 12:48 PM Go to message in response to: cassijon

I think it depends on where the tattoo is and if it can be tastefully covered with fabric without compromising what you want for your wedding.

With that being said, it is your wedding. If you don't want the tattoos glaring in your pictures, ask that they be covered for the ceremony and the pictures. I think by leaving a good friend out of your wedding party because she has tattoos is more hurtful than asking for them to be covered up.

If your bridesmaid had lip/nose/eyebrow piercings, would it be unreasonable to ask that they be removed? Tattoos, in my opinion, fall into the same category.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Bridesmaids and tattoos
Posted: Mar 6, 2010 2:17 PM Go to message in response to: jmrosazza

Maybe because on top of that, I was told to grow out my bangs, not wear
my trademark liquid eyeliner, and my kids/BF weren't invited to the
reception until AFTER dinner (to save money).

Wow, and you agreed to all of this? I can sort of understand why some people want BMs to cover tattoos or remove piercings, but the makeup and making you grow out your bangs are VERY unreasonable! And inviting people to part of an event is downright rude. I doubt I'd still be friends with someone who treated me this way.

If your bridesmaid had lip/nose/eyebrow piercings, would it be
unreasonable to ask that they be removed? Tattoos, in my opinion, fall
into the same category.


Personally, I DO think it's a little unreasonable to ask BMs to remove facial piercings, if they have them and wear them regularly. Assuming that the piercings or tattoos are not brand new (which would be a different story), the bride knew about them when she asked her friend to be in the WP. If she's Ok with having friends with tattoos and piercings in her day-to-day life, why is it not Ok on her wedding day? Personally, I think it would be stranger to see someone in my wedding photos without a distinctive tattoo or piercing than it would be to have tattoos and piercings showing in the photos. To ask them to cover tattoos or piercings would be like saying 'You do not normally present yourself well, so I need you to change something major about your appearance so that my photos will look perfect.' Maybe it's just me, but I'd want my friends to look like they normally look, just a little more dressed up.

This is coming from a girl who has no non-traditional piercings and one tattoo that is not visible except in a bathing suit, so I have nothing invested in this topic. Nor did my BMs have facial piercings or tattoos that were visible in their dresses - but if they had, I wouldn't have asked them to remove them, as that tattoo or piercing is part of how they look and comes with the package. But perhaps I'm just weird. I also would never require a woman who doesn't wear makeup to wear it for my wedding, nor would I require specific hairstyles or ask a groomsman who always wears a beard to show up clean-shaven. Or my personal favorite: getting mad at a BM for getting pregnant before the wedding - insanity! I knew how my friends looked when I asked them to be in the WP, and I would be mad at them if they didn't want to show their individuality.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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Happy01 Posts : 5 Registered: 3/7/10
Re: Bridesmaids and tattoos
Posted: Mar 7, 2010 8:59 AM Go to message in response to: cassijon

I think it would depend on where the tattoos were and how big they were. If you are really that bothered about them showing them, then I would prbably lok for dresses that would cover them up.
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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: Bridesmaids and tattoos
Posted: Mar 7, 2010 11:44 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

People get mad at their bridesmaids for getting pregnant? ha!

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MagicalMomentsP... Posts : 742 Registered: 3/6/06
Re: Bridesmaids and tattoos
Posted: Mar 8, 2010 11:44 AM Go to message in response to: SarahSarah

Reason being was that she could afford to Photoshop hers out of the
wedding pictures, but she couldn't afford ours...like the photog
charged by the tattoo or something (pretty sure she was lying).


Hello,

I just wanted to take a moment to expound upon this thought from a photographer's point of view. In the normal course of preparing wedding photos for my clients, I would not retouch any tattoos. I would assume (perhaps mistakenly), the bride knew about the tattoo and didn't care about it appearring in the photo. Using photoshop to remove tattoos is not covered in my standard fees. However, once a client does request a tattoo be removed via photoshop, I'm forced to charge for this service. Depending on the size of the tattoo in the photo (not in real life), it could take hours to restore the proper skin tones. Sometimes, we get lucky and I can remove the tattoo in five minutes per image. To give you a reference point, I charge, $100/hour with a minimum of $100 for any retouching beyond the standard blemish/shine removal. I had one MOB who hated the tattoos on several of the bridesmaids. She paid $1000 to have them retouched. Seems to me, a bottle or two of makeup is a lot cheaper than $1000.

Howard Kier, Certified Professional Wedding Photographer

Magical Moments Photography


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