Anyone else unofficially engaged?

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JennaChristine Posts : 1 Registered: 1/3/09
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Feb 15, 2010 3:49 PM Go to message in response to: Amberdawn7

Would you call this unofficially engaged? My and my FH have been together for years, from the beginning we've had the intention of getting married. He hasn't proposed and probably won't for a few more months but we are hoping to get married next spring.

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GreenStudent Posts : 2 Registered: 2/10/10
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Feb 15, 2010 5:07 PM Go to message in response to: mainstdancer08

I am! My boyfriend and I are still in college. While we both know we will get married, and regularly discuss our plans for the future, it is simply not feasible for us to get married for at least three or four years. But that doesn't stop me from daydreaming and planning! It's one of my ways to de-stress, and one of the only ways in which I am a stereotypical girl :)

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bosoxgirl Posts : 231 Registered: 2/3/10
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Feb 16, 2010 10:55 AM Go to message in response to: GreenStudent

I will have to agree with Kelly (and anyone else that agreed) on "You are either engaged or you are dating and not engaged."

There is no such thing as "unofficially engaged." If your boss promises you a promotion (IE: Michael Scott to Dwight Shrute "Assistant to the Assistant Branch Regional Manager" ) but it was not written in stone by a contract...would you tell people that you are unofficially promoted? How about if you and your FH want to have a baby but your not pregnant? Are you unofficially pregnant?? I don't get it...

I don't see any problem using the term "being promised" but not "unofficially engaged." If he proposed and he asked you, "Will you marry me" and you said "yes" and accepted his proposal (ring or no ring), then you are engaged. If you two are talking about engagement and rings and marriage but you know that you are far from ready, you are not engaged. You are talking about the ideas of marriage and being engaged. I talk about marriage and the future all the time with my boyfriend but we dont say that we are unofficially engaged.





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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Feb 16, 2010 11:16 AM Go to message in response to: independant2406

independant, i hardly think i was being rude. I simply said I dont understand what the term means,and then asked op to clarify what she meant by it. to me, if you are actively planning a wedding together and are on the path to geting married, then you are engaged. you are misunderstanding me, those of you talking about whether or not you have the ring,etc. I dont care about that, that has nothing to do with it. you dont need to have a ring to be engaged. being engaged means you will get married and you are actively planning the wedding. its the time period where you are waiting and planning for your wedding day. so, its got nothing at all to do withrings or "dog and pony show" .... im simply saying that theres really no such thing as being unofficially engaged. if youre planing your wedding, congratulations...youre engaged lol. im just saying the term is something someone made up and it seems awfully silly since it doesnt really mean anything. simply pointing that out is not rude. some people on here are waaay too sensitive if you think THIS is rude. please. its far from it.

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HamzicBride Posts : 178 Registered: 12/28/09
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Feb 16, 2010 4:38 PM Go to message in response to: KMMB08

I really liked the post.

I don't know how to think of this. To me, both our families and even our friends, we all know that we are getting married, and I mean literally getting married. We have a ring that has now been purchased and is locked away in a safe. He said he has a day picked out as well.

We are already dealing with everything from financials, work to our plans as a married couple and even tho I don't need the ring I guess I'm old fashioned in that it's not official per say until I do have one even if it means I have to wait a few years in exchange to afford one.

The most important to me is that I have an incredible man in my life.

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cellarius Posts : 8 Registered: 2/7/10
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Feb 20, 2010 5:58 PM Go to message in response to: mainstdancer08

hmm well i guess i could be (for lack of a better term) unofficially engaged because he asked me & said he wants to marry me, & i said of course lol so while we are engaged yes..& our families & a few friends know, & we're planning, we also know we're picking a ring out together & he really wants to do a surprise proposal with it. so we are waiting for that to announce it & officially/publicly call ourselves engaged.

i think the term prolly came out of ppl feeling in that in between stage of being asked & knowing you're planning & getting married yet not having the ring for some reason. now i'm not saying you need a ring to get married/engaged, i agree with those ppl who say you don't really even need one at all. so if you know you're not getting on by all means don't use the term, but in the case you know you are getting one, it just often feels that you should receive it, before you announce it to world. not that your love or commitment level is anyone's business to judge, but i think to other ppl the ring is a sign of seriousness where anyone without a ring could say they're engaged.

lol i don't really know how to explain what i mean. does that make sense at all.. without sounding like i mean you need a material object to be commited.. it's just that object even if you two decide it will be a rubberband is a symbol of you intending to marry.. (& even though you could just put a plastic ring on your finger in the meantime & tell everyone it basically wouldn't be as fun lol)

so i think it's individual.. but in our case or similar cases where he's asked you & you're actively planning & ring shopping or saving & just waiting to announce it until it comes in or after he's proposed with the ring, yes you're basically engaged but i think this ''stage'' is where it's appropriate to use that term. if you've talked about it but it's vague or oh i'm finishing this, or it's not going to be for another x years, that's good, but very different than having a long engagement. anything could happen in that time to change the situation. there's a big difference imo in dating & hoping to get engaged sometime & being technically engaged but not announcing it yet (unofficially engaged).
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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Feb 20, 2010 6:08 PM Go to message in response to: cellarius

It is tough for me to take this seriously. Like most others, to me, if you've been asked and said yes then you are, officially, engaged. If you haven't been asked and have not said yes, then you are not. If you've said yes but don't have your ring yet, well, you're engaged none the less.

If you're keeping it a secret? Well, then, you're still engaged. You just didn't tell anyone yet. Item number 3, below. It's a yes or no thing, are or are not. And, to me, it's silly because unofficially engaged or officially engaged is the SAME thing. :) I just can't take it serious so sorry to those of you who have gotten your feathers in a tussy cause there are those of us who find this distinction non existent and illogical or meaningless.

en·gaged

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–adjective
1.
busy or occupied; involved: deeply engaged in conversation.
2.
pledged to be married; betrothed: an engaged couple.
3.
under engagement; pledged: an engaged contractor.
4.
entered into conflict with: desperately engaged armies.
5.
Mechanics.
b.
(of wheels) in gear with each other.
6.
Architecture. (of a distinct member) built so as to be truly or seemingly attached in part to the structure before which it stands: an engaged column.


By the way, disagreeing with you that unofficially engaged is actually a 'thing' isn't rude, it is quite simply stating to you that I see no meaning in something that has no meaning. You become engaged when you accept the proposal. THe ring you may or may not get is a GIFT given in exchange for your acceptance of the proposal. If you get the ring later it means you got the gift later but does not change the fact that you are already engaged. I find it quite amusing, really.

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Feb 20, 2010 6:10 PM Go to message in response to: KMMB08

Well, according to Urban dictionary we are ALL wrong. hahahahaha.

unofficially engaged
7 up, 2 down

love it

hate it


When you've make plans to get Married, and have a date, but you have not officially been asked.
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you, And
I'm going to ask you to be My Wife, But I'm Thousands of Miles away
right now, So we can be Unofficially Engaged."

hahaha I just can't take this seriously. YOu set a date but haven't been asked yet? To me, that's kind of a little nutty, but not engaged, officially or otherwise. LOL.

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Feb 20, 2010 7:45 PM Go to message in response to: cyndi33

WTH!? Are they redesigning again?

I've got multcolored weirdness going on all over the page, and it isn't your typing!

Misty

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Feb 20, 2010 7:46 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

I don't know. Mine doesn't show up right. THere's about a good 4 inches above each post, before I get to the typing. Weird.

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mrscjmartin Posts : 2 Registered: 1/10/10
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Feb 21, 2010 11:29 PM Go to message in response to: mainstdancer08

Okay, I'm sorry...but some of you girls on here are ridiculously rude. You're just trying to cause drama for no reason. Seriously, get OFF of the "Waiting for a ring" section if you don't understand the concept. Waiting for a ring is what these girls mean by unofficially engaged, to put it simply!!

Some of you girls are being nice about it, but those that can't grasp the concept of unofficially engaged OR the concept of just letting something go just need to go somewhere else. Honestly, are we even ready to be married? Goodness gracious, how old are we?

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Feb 22, 2010 1:01 AM Go to message in response to: mrscjmartin

hahahaha. How old are we? I don't know. Old enough to know that I don't have to tell someone I agree when I don't. Old enough to know that it is ok to tell the truth and HAVE an opinion. If you don't like my opinion, that's fine. But, I do not get the unofficially engaged. It is a nonsensical concept to me because, waiting for a ring does not mean you are officially OR unofficially engaged. It means you are waiting for a ring.

If you have been asked, and accepted, you are engaged. If you have NOT been asked, you are not engaged. THe RING is something you may or may NOT get, to seal the deal so to speak, but it has nothing to do with whether or not you are engaged or not engaged.

Does that make me rude? Sorry. No, I"m really not cause it isn't rude to be honest. And, that's all I"m doing. THat's all the rest of the people did too.

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Feb 22, 2010 12:31 PM Go to message in response to: cyndi33

I am proud to say that I am a convert.
I know I discused it more at length in another thread.

I came onto these boards being like "blah, blah, i'm unofficially engaged."
It got to that point when my boyfriend seemed much more than a boyfriend to me--I knew he was going to be my future husband. We talk wedding details and such.

Saying we're dating didn't seem like enough--so I went to this imaginary stage "Un-officially engaged."

I am proud to say that he is my "boyfriend" now--and that that is enough for me for now. I sometimes type on here my "FH" because I know he will be. There is a difference between Fiance and Future Husband.

I have to agree with everybody here though--you are engaged or you are not.
I liked how Bosox put it--if you are talking babies are you unofficially pregnant? Nice Office reference too!

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bosoxgirl Posts : 231 Registered: 2/3/10
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Feb 22, 2010 3:03 PM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

I have to say, when FH and I were engaged.....I called him my boyfriend instead of my fiance! LOL It feels good calling him my boyfriend now and being boyfriend and girlfriend.

I just don't understand being "unofficially engaged." It's either he asked, you accepted and you are planning your wedding (and your family and friends know) or you are dating and discussing and fatasizing about the future. Which one?

And yes, THE OFFICE RULES! Dwight and Ryan trying to take down Jim Halpert! hahah

 

  

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: Anyone else unofficially engaged?
Posted: Feb 22, 2010 8:09 PM Go to message in response to: bosoxgirl

If I could be a polygamist--I would marry both my boyfriend and Jim Halpert.


Oh. And if Jim was a real person.

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