concerned..

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HisBetty8 Posts : 6 Registered: 1/27/09
concerned..
Posted: Feb 15, 2010 8:58 PM

so im getting married in 110 days, and im so excited to be marrying my FH. the planning hasnt been too stressful, friends and family are pitching in and helping alot. so heres the thing, with the wedding coming up so fast im starting to feel - i dont know - not nervous - not scared - maybe aprehensive. and im not sure if its got anything to do with the wedding. i just started a new job, after being enemployed for over a month while i was recuperating from a surgery. im sad, bored, lonely. we live in missouri and all my friends and family are in NH. where we're getting married. my FH has been so awesome helping me pick out a dress and being very involved in the planning. maybe im just feeling like im not getting the "OMG" youre such a blushing bride comment the way girls do in the movies. im not saying that i want all the attention all the time and i dont mean to whine. but i need to vent and i dont want to bother anyone. im not wanting any life changing advice. i guess i just want to get out how im feeling and wondering if anyone else ever felt like this? i know of too many girls that have become bridezillas and im making a valiant effort to make sure that this wedding doesnt take over my life.. but since ive been out of commission for almost two months its the only thing thats been going on for me, i hate feeling sad when im supposed to be all giddy over this wedding. im happy about my life with my fh, and the weddings going to be a blast - maybe im just pms'ing and a good glass of wine and some sleep will make me feel better. am i alone?
getting married in JUNE!!!!!!

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HollyD Posts : 81 Registered: 7/20/09
Re: concerned..
Posted: Feb 15, 2010 9:34 PM Go to message in response to: HisBetty8

I hear ya! My situation is a little different though. I am not getting any help from anyone and no one seems excited at all. I haven't asked for much help because I don't want everyone thinking that I am a bridezilla either. I tend to want things done my way so if I do it myself then I can only get mad at me. However, I feel like just because I am doing all the planning myself does not mean that others can't be excited about it. It would be nice for my friends and family to show interest in what is going on. Questions about planning or even offers of help would make me feel a whole lot better. FH hasn't been too much of a help. He says he wants to but just doesn't know what to do. He tries bless his heart. I understand where you are coming from, I have days where I feel lonely too and I live in the same town as my friends and family. I could not imagine how it would be if I lived in a different state. If you ever need to vent feel free to vent with me. It is always nice to be able to have someone you can vent to that will somewhat understand where you are coming from. BTW- where in Missouri do you live? I am from Missouri! Hope this helps.

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bearma Posts : 23 Registered: 12/9/07
Re: concerned..
Posted: Feb 15, 2010 9:39 PM Go to message in response to: HisBetty8

It sounds like you are having a very normal reaction to all that is going on with you.

I can totally relate to being out of the swing of things for health reasons - I had a big surgery too - it put me on the couch for 8 weeks straight recuperating. And it certainly isn't good for your mood to sit on the couch day in, day out but sometimes it's neccessary.

Did you just move? I would be really sad to be planning my wedding so far away from all my support people. That would be very lonely. But it is what it is, and at least your man is being so great with helping planning (even picking out a dress!) I suggest just trying to get your family and friends as invloved as possible - they are probably sad to be missing out on fittings and such as well. Just try to keep them as up to date as you can - email pics, ideas etc.

Meanwhile, try to get back to doing the things you enjoyed before having surgery and when you lived close to friends. It is hard to set down roots in a new place. I have moved a lot in my life, and I found it easiest to meet new people through work. You also could try meetup.com - I joined a snowboarding and running group in DC that I met up with every few weeks while I was living there.

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HisBetty8 Posts : 6 Registered: 1/27/09
Re: concerned..
Posted: Feb 15, 2010 10:38 PM Go to message in response to: HollyD

ahhhhh im not alone!!! thanks ladies.. right after i posted, my FH called and asked how i was. and i just started to cry.. thats unusual for me. i feel alot better having gotten out my thoughts and knowing that even though my support system for the wedding and for my whole life really - that i have my fh to help me through when things just suck. maybe i should make more of an effort to involve them like you said. i hadnt even thought of sending them all emails and pics of updates. maybe if i create some excitement about the wedding it will catch on. Im living in st charles mo. moved here about a year ago just after we got engaged. i feel alot better now.. thanks soo much. writing out how im feeling and talking to my fh put things into perspective - i can change some things, ie - join meeting people networks - and some things i cant. but im going to keep a positive attitude and know that everything will fall into place! thanks again!! sighing with relief!!!
getting married in JUNE!!!!!!

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: concerned..
Posted: Feb 16, 2010 9:01 AM Go to message in response to: HisBetty8

Here's the thing: Real life is rarely like the movies. In the movies, you see women planning their weddings who are always smiling, in love, and things go right for them. And even when everything goes wrong, it's still sweet and funny. You see them going dress shopping with a gaggle of girls, Mom is supportive, FMIL is usually a witch - but that's such a cliche that you expect it, and any family or day-to-day life drama is funny. But above all, whatever happens, the happy couple is always portrayed as happy.

That's not the case in real life. It's impossible for a woman to be happy 100% of the time while she's engaged. But because we have a pre-conceived idea that engaged women are supposed to be happy, we feel like there's something wrong with us if we're not happy while we're engaged. I know I felt like that - I felt pressure to appear happy all the time, and if DH and I argued over something, I thought it was the end of the world because we were SUPPOSED to be happy and giddy. I finally had an epiphany a couple months before the wedding and realized that I was the one pressuring myself.

In reality, not everyone has a gaggle of close girlfriends - and not everybody likes shopping. I felt like a freak because I didn't enjoy dress shopping! In reality, not everyone has an ideal relationship with their families. In reality, some people - gasp! - actually get along with their MILs! In reality, some people don't feel happy when they're engaged. It's fine to feel sad or to experience all the other emotions that you go through in day-to-day life. As long as you're still happy to be marrying the man you're marrying - and it sounds like you are - the rest of what you're feeling is unrelated to your wedding and you should treat the feelings separately. Yes, your best friends and family are all in NH, and it can be hard to adjust to a new area - but you will make friends eventually. Don't rush it, but let it happen naturally as you meet people. Yes, it takes a while to adjust to a new job, and not every job is a good fit. Give it a few months and see how you're feeling then. If you're still not happy, consider looking elsewhere. Your support system is far away, but you can still rely on them for what they do best. Make lots of phone calls until you're feeling more comfortable in your new surroundings. You'll adjust eventually. Just try to keep in mind that most of what you're feeling (at least, what you've explained here) is related to your actual life, not to the wedding. You'd be feeling this if you were single, or if you'd been married for years. Not every emotion is about the wedding just because you happen to be getting married soon!

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: concerned..
Posted: Feb 16, 2010 9:10 AM Go to message in response to: HisBetty8

Look at it this way: the wedding is a miniscule blip on the radar of life. For real. It's one day...the planning and the marriage last the longest of the whole deal. It seems like you have a lot going on and thats totally fine. Your job is your income and thats WAY more important that one wedding day, so you are totally OK with being nervous about a new job and everything else. Your health (since you mentioned surgery) is also WAY more important than one wedding day so, your concern for that should also come before thinking about your wedding.

Like Art said, its not like in the movies. The few weeks before my wedding DH and I would constantly repeat "Just gotta get through the 27th and then we can head to Mexico" That is literally how I looked at it...I just wanted to get the wedding day over with so the whole planning nonsense could END! B/c by the last month or so, you're going to be so over it! THe wedding day was super fun, don't get me wrong--but by the end you're ready for it to be over!

You're normal--TRUST US!


New Jersey: We have dumps, bays and cement boots and we know how to use 'em

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: concerned..
Posted: Feb 16, 2010 9:21 AM Go to message in response to: HisBetty8

Nope, you're not alone. I feel lonely too and yet my bestfriend lives only 20 mins away. We're just so busy to hang out :( My other friend lives in FL! (I live in CT). We keep in touch but I wish we can have a girl's night out. Luckily I am close to my family and I see them many times. My sister is like my bestfriend. I tell her everything. I also hang out with my future sister-in-law at times too, which is great!

But life overall is stresseful. What ArtBride said is 100% right. Life is not like the movies where everyone is always happy all the time. I have my stresses of school and work and money issues. My FH also has stresses of his job and money and other things. Even though we're engaged life goes on.

It's kinda funny, the other day my bestfriend asked me if I was still getting married because I appeared upset. I was like, "WHAT?!" LOL. I thought to myself, "Just because I feel stressed and upset about life doesn't mean the wedding is off!" She must not know and assumes that just because I am engaged I am supposed to be HAPPY all the time.


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FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: concerned..
Posted: Feb 16, 2010 9:45 AM Go to message in response to: HisBetty8

What you are feeling is totally normal and you are definitely not alone, as you can see from the responses from other brides. You have been through some major life events, and are getting ready to go through another life event. Moving, health issues, etc. are huge stressors and it's normal to feel a little "blue". As you start to feel better, try to do some "special" things for yourself. Treat yourself to a day at a spa. Go to see a romantic movie by yourself. Do little things to remind yourself this is a very special time in your life and you are, indeed, a princess.

I am sure your friends and family miss you so much that by the time the big day arrives you will have more attention and love than you know what to do with! Good luck and God Bless.

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

www.bride-whisperer.com

http://twitter.com/BrideWhispering

http://bridewhisperer.blogspot.com  

 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: concerned..
Posted: Feb 16, 2010 11:49 AM Go to message in response to: HisBetty8

Dear Betty,

Relax, you are totally normal.

Real Life is not Reel Life.

Let me take one small example. Look at all the gorgeous large spacious apartments that show up in the movies. Young people, just starting out, live in these beautiful, professionally decorated apartments,.

Who do you know in real life that can afford such places???

For example, I remember seeing the first Superman movie. In this movie, Lois Lane, an unmarried newspaper reporter, had a MANHATTAN PENTHOUSE apartment, with a spacious outdoor terrace.

Huh?

You name me any newspaper reporter who could afford such a place out of their own earnings. Sure, maybe if married to someone rich, but Lois was unmarried and there was no evidence of having gazillions of family money.

Need more examples?

I was on an airplane, once, and seated next to a trial lawyer. The airplane movie was about a personal injury case. The lawyer sat there laughing at all the mistakes in the movie, then we had a good chat about all that went wrong. "That evidence would have been surpressed." "He declined the defendant's offer without presenting that offer to the client? Sheesh."

Think of any movie or TV show you've ever seen that involves your own profession. I don't care what it is; waitressing, medicine, dump truck driving. How close to Real Life does the Reel Life profession come? Do you find yourself laughing at a waitress who has nothing better to do than yak all day? Do you shake your head at Nip Tuck where the docs are contantly hopping in the sack with the patients and betraying medical confidentiality? Do you know for a fact that a dump truck could never get that close to the loading dock without getting OSHA citations?

It's the same with seeing "blissful" engagements in the movies. It ain't like that.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: concerned..
Posted: Feb 16, 2010 7:25 PM Go to message in response to: HisBetty8

Ladies,

It is SOOOOO good to be done with the process. I loved being engaged, and I had a great time planning the wedding. It was a fun day and we had a great honeymoon.

But, it's done. Photos in the album, happy memories, done.

(This is one of the reasons why I am so mystified by the Vow Renewal brigade.)

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HisBetty8 Posts : 6 Registered: 1/27/09
Re: concerned..
Posted: Feb 16, 2010 7:44 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

what a response.. definitely didn't see that coming. glad I'm not alone out there. thanks for all of your impute!! hope those of you who relate to what im going through get through and those that have already been through thanks for your help..
getting married in JUNE!!!!!!

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AmyJustin2010 Posts : 201 Registered: 1/18/10
Re: concerned..
Posted: Feb 17, 2010 10:17 AM Go to message in response to: HisBetty8

To be honest, I thought of engagement as being a much different time than it is. I figured I'd be giddy, happy, excited all the time, and that FH and I wouldn't get in arguments. I thought that everyone would be all excited and happy and have the wedding on their mind all the time.

Yeah...no.

I'm still the same person that I was before the engagement. Our relationship has changed after the engagement (we've become much closer), but we still fight, as any couple will.

Everyone else, even my MOH, and my parents, his parents, etc...it's one day for them. Yeah, they might spend time making favors or at the shower, but in the end, the wedding is one day. They're happy for me, but that doesn't mean their lives are on hold or that my wedding is their top priority.

I feel kind of silly for thinking the way I originally did, but I do feel you that sometimes the engagement isn't all it's cracked up to be.

AmyJustin2010.Weebly.Com

 

Amy & Justin--Buffalo Sabres Fanatics :) 

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: concerned..
Posted: Feb 17, 2010 10:50 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

(This is one of the reasons why I am so mystified by the Vow Renewal brigade.)

Amen to that. Whenever my 17-year old sister calls me with complaints about high school, I think to myself that you couldn't pay me enough to relive those years. My wedding planning year is another one that I would never in a million years choose to relive. So as much as I love parties, no full-scale weddingy vow renewals are ever in my future. Enjoyed getting married, had a blast at the actual wedding, glad it's over and I've moved on with my life.

But I believe that God is not without a sense of irony. Because I hate planning weddings and never want to do it again, I'll likely end up with four daughters. Really girly daughters, who plan long engagements to extend the fun of wedding planning. And call their mom every day to babble for 3 hours about tulle. ACK!


DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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Kimberly212 Posts : 972 Registered: 9/12/12
Re: concerned..
Posted: Sep 12, 2012 12:41 PM Go to message in response to: HisBetty8

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Kimberly212 Posts : 972 Registered: 9/12/12
Re: concerned..
Posted: Sep 24, 2012 9:43 PM Go to message in response to: HisBetty8

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