Another Virgin Bride Question

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maybride1010 Posts : 2 Registered: 2/16/09
Another Virgin Bride Question
Posted: Feb 11, 2010 11:07 PM

Hi. I'm waiting for my wedding night to have sex, and I have a question about the pain factor. I've looked at some previous posts on this topic, and I see alot of "relax" and "it hurts for some and not for others" and such. What I'm wondering is, if you are one of those for whom sex hurts, what sort of duration are we talking about here? Any chance that we'll have sex once and I'll spend the next 3 days of our honeymoon unable to have sex a second time due to residual pain or (worse) tearing?

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Another Virgin Bride Question
Posted: Feb 12, 2010 2:09 AM Go to message in response to: maybride1010

For me, I wouldn't have wanted to have sex two days in a row, but skipping one day in between was fine. (I didn't wait for marriage to have sex though). I think you have to try to listen to your body. If you feel uncomfortable the day after you've had sex, I wouldn't force it JUST because it's your honeymoon, because you don't want to make the experience more unpleasant. But if you feel fine, do it again that very day if you want to!

It hurt quite a bit at the time, but later it was more of a soreness...so don't worry, it's not like you won't be able to walk :P I've heard some people worry about that!

Also, do you use tampons? Kinda a personal question, but if you do, your hymen might already have teared a bit which could help with the pain.

Most people do have some discomfort, but not all of it is horrible. I say prepare for it to hurt, take things slowly, and if it doesn't hurt just be thankful!
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: Another Virgin Bride Question
Posted: Feb 12, 2010 8:31 AM Go to message in response to: maybride1010

Everybody is different and has a diffferent experience.

I had no pain my first time--meanwhile, my friend had pain and also bled quite a bit on top of that.

Just as Bird said, you have to listen to your body.

At the beginning of mine and FHs relationship, we would have it quite a bit and by the fourth time within 24 hours that he would go for it again I would be like "No! I can't handle it anymore!"

Even if there is pain--trust me, you will be fine. Your honeymoon will not be ruined from sex pain!

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bosoxgirl Posts : 231 Registered: 2/3/10
Re: Another Virgin Bride Question
Posted: Feb 12, 2010 8:52 AM Go to message in response to: maybride1010

Just be patient and start slow. I have ovarian problems which cause sex to be quite uncomfortable for me. My FH is very patient with me and in the end, it's a wonderful experience. Sometimes, because I anticipate that it's going to hurt, it makes me tense. I usually like to have a glass of wine to loosen me up. It helps calm the nerves.

 

  

Daisypath Anniversary tickers

 

 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Another Virgin Bride Question
Posted: Feb 12, 2010 9:23 AM Go to message in response to: maybride1010

Dear May,

Great question for your gynecologist.

Yep, why not go in for a gyne exam and, after the doc has examined you and knows exactly what your anatomy is like, take some time to ask your questions. Jot down, on paper, all your questions before the appt so you won't forget anything. You will be talking to an expert and and in a professional, confidential setting.

You need to see a gynecologist, anyway, before marriage, to check on your own overall health and get birth control or discuss effective natural birth control methods. If you plan to start having a family right away, then you will need to discuss those options with the gyne and find out if that practice also handles obstretrics.

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MrsS2010 Posts : 336 Registered: 5/25/09
Re: Another Virgin Bride Question
Posted: Feb 15, 2010 1:52 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

What Bird said actually reminded me - I have always wondered how often is it that tampon users DO tear the hymen at all?? Its one of those things you always hear about but I dont think its quite as common as it seems

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Another Virgin Bride Question
Posted: Feb 15, 2010 2:16 AM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

Um, I haven't been a virgin for a good long bit and have been with different people, not to mention been with my DH for a number of years - most of them being sexually active but I STILL can't use a super tampon or more. I have to use slims and regular tampons....

So I don't see how tampon use affects the hymen or any of that jazz. Not sure how, but that's how it is with me anyways.

 

 

 

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Another Virgin Bride Question
Posted: Feb 15, 2010 2:26 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Good question. I just said that because I've heard it so much! It probably depends on your anatomy!

I couldn't use tampons comfortably until I was sexually active, so...I don't think it worked for me either!
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

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CandyK Posts : 33 Registered: 6/8/09
Re: Another Virgin Bride Question
Posted: Feb 15, 2010 10:18 AM Go to message in response to: maybride1010

Okay, the deal for me was the wedding night was very painful but it was nice because we were in a nice hotel room and my husband really was patient and loving with me. He helped me to feel better. So for me it hurt at first, got a little better, then hurt towards the end. The pain has lasted a while. It's hurt for a few weeks as I'm getting used to things. I've gotten the advice of not waiting too long between times because it may make it hurt again worse.

My advice is to try that first time, then try it again and again. Also, make sure you talk to your husband about things while you are making love. Let him know what things he does to make you feel good and then be honest about what really hurts. Try different positions too. I'm not saying buy a karma sutra and try some pretzel twisting position but trying different positions helped my hubby enter in at a different angle and some positions cause me less pain than others. I was hoping to like missionary position but we've only been able to do it a few times because it still usually hurts but other positions feel better. Just start trying to get to know what feels best. Also, use lubricant. Some ladies don't care about using it but for the virgins it does work wonders.

 imghttp://www.whenismywedding.com/signature/0992e18f5be4c6cb.gif[/img][/url">http://www.whenismywedding.com/"imghttp://www.whenismywedding.com/signature/0992e18f5be4c6cb.gif[/img][/url] Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com

CandyK

 

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dickerson2be Posts : 19 Registered: 12/8/09
Re: Another Virgin Bride Question
Posted: Feb 15, 2010 12:58 PM Go to message in response to: maybride1010

Relax, go slow at first, and don't forget the lube. It will really help. Just start with a little bit. It ruins it if you use too much so start with a little and keep adding if needed. I wouldn't get any tingling or warming stuff yet, just start off with normal KY or something.
have fun and good luck!

Lindsey

The future Mrs. Dickerson

 

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maybride1010 Posts : 2 Registered: 2/16/09
Re: Another Virgin Bride Question
Posted: Feb 15, 2010 2:20 PM Go to message in response to: maybride1010

Wow, thanks so much for taking the time to share with me. As much as I know my doctor will help, it really does make it easier to know what other of real people have experienced.

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bearma Posts : 23 Registered: 12/9/07
Re: Another Virgin Bride Question
Posted: Feb 15, 2010 3:42 PM Go to message in response to: maybride1010

Hi ladies. I'm an OBGYN resident and I can't help getting involved in conversations involving women's health.

To the original poster: You should definitely see your doctor. If you already have a family doctor, he/she can talk to you, do an exam, etc, you don't nessesarily have to find a new one unless you want someone who definitely does OB because you plan to get pregnant right away. In an ideal world, everyone would go see their doctor before ever having sex, so that you have a plan for contraception in place or, you recieve counseling pre-conception on folic acid supplements etc. We all know that this isn't possible most of the time, so your doctor would think you are the best patient ever by getting started now :-)

As far as the tampons, hymen, pain with intercourse goes: The hymen is a very thin membrane over the vaginal opening, like only 1 mm thick, transparent really. Tampons easily pass through it as it is very thin, plus it natually regresses for most of us on as we age. By the time women start to have sex, it is mostly gone whether you use tampons or not. Your doctor will be able to tell you if it may be an issue for you.

The main reason women have pain is that there is involuntary muscle tightening. It is nearly impossible not to contract the muscles the first time since you don't know what to expect, but if you know, you may be able to will yourself to relax them. The vagina is very muscular and stretchy, therefore if it is painful the first time, it will get better over time. Foreplay will help with all this, so the more the better.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding! Best of luck to you!

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