step father and daughter vows

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Guest
step father and daughter vows
Posted: May 16, 2005 1:39 PM

I have been with my FH for 12 years. I have a child from a previous relationship and my FH has raised her since she was 2. Do you think it would be important for them two to have a special part in the ceremony?? My daughter has no relationship with her birth father and my FH is all she knows as "dad" so what I did was right after the wedding vows, I put a part on the program called the "father's promise" where the minister would bascially have my FH make a vow to my daughter and she would make a vow to him. Does that sound corny?? I have gotten mixed messages about it.

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Guest
step father and daughter vows
Posted: May 16, 2005 4:04 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I like the sentiment behind it, but the "vows" part kind of creeps me out--don't know exactly why. I'd much rather see him walk the walk than talk the talk. If her biological father has no part in her life, how about working to arrange a formal adoption? Those "vows" would be the ones that count.

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Guest
step father and daughter vows
Posted: May 16, 2005 4:55 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Yeah...I don't know if "vows" is the right word to use. That is why I said a "father's promise". We thought about the adoption thing but my daughter is 13. We talked to her about changing her name and she literally had a fit. I don't believe my FH would have a problem with the adoption but I do. Call me vindictive but her BF needs to stand up and take care of his responsibilities. He made her he needs to pay for her, is how I think (probably cause I work in child support). I just don't want him to be let off the hook so easily. My FH has done a wonderful job raising her though and I truly appreciate that but I would rather him not adopt her.

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Guest
step father and daughter vows
Posted: May 16, 2005 5:20 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

We did a blended family ceremony that might work for you. You could always "tweak" it to make it fit your situation.

Soon to be step parent does all the talking in this
step speaks to new spouse
I stand here today pledging myself and my love to you I commit myself to be a husband/wife to you and a friend to childs name
step speaks to child
I want you (childs name) to know that I love and respect your Mother/father and will always do so. I hope and desire to be a positive influence on your life by listening to you, respecting your uniqueness and individuality.
I pledge to you my goal to create a family atmosphere that is healthy and a place where you can grow to you full potential.
This is my promise to you
hope this gives you some ideas
good luck

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Guest
step father and daughter vows
Posted: May 16, 2005 5:45 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

My mom married my step-father when I was 4 and three quarters (sorry... the four year old creeping back) anyway- my BF has had little to do w/ me, a little more so with my brother, but basically the 'sperm donor' who my mother married when she was young. Our step-father adopted us a year or two later. Looking back, both of us (my brother and me) wish would have RUN from that court room- so adopting a step-child may not always be a good choice. For some, it's a great way to join families- others, not so much.

My mom and step-dad didnt do any vows or anything for us kids (we gained two step-brothers thru this also) but at the end of the cemermony, they wanted us all to walk out down/up the aisle as a family.

For some families- as long as everyone TRUELY, TRUELY wants to, I think that making a public acknowledgement of your new family is a wonderful idea... but simply because ones own father isnt around- doesnt mean the 'new' one should adopt. I like DMY's pledge- if you want to do something like that. Good luck...

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Guest
step father and daughter vows
Posted: May 16, 2005 6:16 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I do like the pledge. I just called it a promise. Pledge seems so informal. But I do like it. I agree with the not adopting issue too. It is not for everyone. My mom married my step father 23 years ago and he didn't adopt me and my sister. We don't love him any less.

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