Men's wear dilemma

Online Users: 1,339 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 7


agd1017 Posts : 464 Registered: 9/14/09
Men's wear dilemma
Posted: Feb 1, 2010 10:33 AM

Ok so I'm kind of in a dilemma. Originally we had a much bigger wedding planned- 150 guests, barn reception, dj, the works. At that time, I expected (wanted) my groom and his attendants in tuxes. Dark brown tuxes, to be exact, because our colors are dark brown, burnt orange, and ivory.

Well now we have done some major changes to the wedding. It's going to be small and intimate- 40 guests at most. The ceremony will still be in the morning, as it was going to be anyway. And we're still having it outdoors at my parent's home, out in the country. We're doing light appetizers and a cake and punch reception.

While we were talking about tuxes vs. suits, my FH mentioned that maybe the guys could be in a nice pair of jeans, with a nice dress shirt, vest and tie. Immediately I balked- I really really wanted the guys in tuxes. I tried to compromise but saying they could forego the tux jacket. We're still considering suits. Maybe just nice brown pants and the shirt- but then would the vest and tie be out of place?

Should I give in to my FH and let him have what he wants, the nice jeans? But then would my traditional wedding dress be too dressy, compared to what the guys are wearing?

Help!

Amanda and Eric
10/10/10

Amanda and Eric

 

Reply


happydefiant1 Posts : 223 Registered: 7/9/09
Re: Men's wear dilemma
Posted: Feb 1, 2010 11:36 AM Go to message in response to: agd1017

Does FH want to do nice jeans due to budget or just because he wants a more casual feel to the wedding? I do think that jeans, no matter how much you try to fancy them up, will look odd in comparison to a formal gown. Many tuxedo rental shops also offer suits and the gm's typically foot this cost. So your wedding budget shouldn't be effected by this. However, if the gm's don't have the $ for a suit, that could be FH's concern. But if FH wants jeans just cause he likes jeans, I think he could trade in his jeans for a more dressy alternative for this special day. Perhaps you could find a suit alternative and show FH some pics of what you have in mind? What if you paired a chocolate blazer with khakis? This would give a dressy casual feel. I don't know if tux shops will rent just a jacket for a lesser price, but its worth the time to ask. Here is a pic that might help.



 

check out our wedding website: shawnandkathaeleen.brides.com

 

Reply


agd1017 Posts : 464 Registered: 9/14/09
Re: Men's wear dilemma
Posted: Feb 1, 2010 11:49 AM Go to message in response to: happydefiant1

I do kinda like the look in that picture. However I worry about being able to find the jackets by themselves. My FH wants jeans for two reasons, A) he is a laid back person and feels more comfortable in jeans, and B) we are having a more laid back and casual wedding, so he feels the need to compensate with our attire.

Amanda and Eric
10/10/10

Amanda and Eric

 

Reply


happydefiant1 Posts : 223 Registered: 7/9/09
Re: Men's wear dilemma
Posted: Feb 1, 2010 12:32 PM Go to message in response to: agd1017

If it doesn't matter too extremely much to you, then you might wanna just concede to FH and the jeans. I originally wanted chocolate tuxes for our guys, but when FH went to the shop, he saw this tan/latte color and really like those better. FH's usually don't get a lot of planning decisions (input of course, but not the final) so I let him have his guys. But, if you really don't want jeans in your wedding, you might express this to him. Let him know that you understand the fact that he loves his jeans and that you're wedding is casual, but that maybe he could forgo the jeans for this ONE special day and settle for khakis or some other form of pant that isn't denim. Maybe courderoys? After all, even though you are planning a casual, intimate wedding, it isn't just any other day. You're dressing up, ergo, he should dress up :)

I think that tux shops will rent just the jacket. Our shop is letting us rent the suits and no vest and tie (even though they're typically part of the package). I think they'll probably cater to whatever you need.

 

check out our wedding website: shawnandkathaeleen.brides.com

 

Reply


agd1017 Posts : 464 Registered: 9/14/09
Re: Men's wear dilemma
Posted: Feb 1, 2010 12:46 PM Go to message in response to: happydefiant1

I guess I'm not 100% sure what I am ok with. I really really really like the tuxes (without the jacket), but then again I can see his point with the wedding being more casual. Like I said, it's a dilemma! I'm going to just let it go for now and think about it and decide later.

Thanks for your help!


Amanda and Eric
10/10/10

Amanda and Eric

 

Reply


myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Men's wear dilemma
Posted: Feb 1, 2010 1:16 PM Go to message in response to: agd1017

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but his plan fits the outdoor, casual wedding more than your more formal dress does. Both of you should be able to compromise. You can lose the idea of a tux (way over the top for this setting) or even a suit. He can move from jeans (even "nice" ones) to casual pants (e.g. chinos, khakis, which still are plenty comfortable). Pants can be found in dark brown, shades of tan, taupe, or beige. If you want jackets, of course they can be bought or rented separately. Or nice shirts, funky vests (very "in" right now), even sweaters if the weather is right--all would look fine. As for your dress, maybe you could dress it down (less poof, less sparkle, no train) for the occasion, or wear it for the ceremony and change to something more back-yard friendly for the reception.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

Reply


FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: Men's wear dilemma
Posted: Feb 1, 2010 1:40 PM Go to message in response to: agd1017

I think it depends on the formality of what you and the bm's are wearing (assuming you already got your dress). I had the same issue with my FH, but it was because what he wanted to wear would've clashed with my dress, we both would've had too much going on and look like a hot mess!
I know it's hard to get them to understand that they need to dress with the occasion and they don't want to look out of place, without sounding like a bridezilla!


Here's what I did so maybe it'll work for you. First I explained my reasoning and and that I wasn't trying to control it, just that he would look out of place. With you, explain the formality, what is everyone else going to wear? Are there going to be servers wearing tuxes? Are female guests going to be wearing cocktail dresses? Or is the atmosphere going to be more laid back and casual? Are you going to be in a dress with a long train, a veil, the whole works, while he'll just be in jeans? Hopefully he'll be able to understand it :)


Then, start looking at other wedding pictures with him, you can find some on here and other sites too. Which ones best resemble your wedding? Show him that then let him see how out of place he'll look. Then, maybe go to a tux place, or a suit place, and put together different looks. I'm sure you'll be able to find something that you really like and he really likes too, you both just gotta see all the options that are out there.

One more thing I was going to suggest, if he is still determined to wear jeans, maybe he can change into a pair after the ceremony and during the reception. I'm sure you guys can even find a pair that is more of trouser style, but just in the denim material so they look a lot more dressier than just a pair of Levi's.


Reply


agd1017 Posts : 464 Registered: 9/14/09
Re: Men's wear dilemma
Posted: Feb 1, 2010 2:49 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsDJLeo

Thank you to both myra and TheFutureMrsDJLeo... I think I've come to the realization that tuxes are just not going to happen. I guess that was the ONE thing from a "traditional, formal" wedding that I really wanted. Isn't that strange? lol

Like someone suggested, I think we will just have to go to some different stores- both suit shops and other nice department stores, and try out different looks. We can check stuff out online too. My FH has been pretty "go with the flow" with all the wedding planning, and I want him to have his say too.

Amanda and Eric
10/10/10

Amanda and Eric

 

Reply
RSS

Thank You
for Signing Up!

Check your e-mail inbox for the latest updates from brides.com

Give a Subscription to Brides Magazine as a Gift
Subscribe to Brides magazine