What should i do for my wedding!!!!???

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holly2011 Posts : 1 Registered: 1/12/10
What should i do for my wedding!!!!???
Posted: Jan 12, 2010 12:11 PM

My boyfriend and I plan to get married within the next 2 years. I know it's a little early to start worrying about this but here is my problem. My boyfriend and i travel for work. We spend the summer in Alaska and the winter in the Bahamas. We have 2 weeks vacation inbetween traveling, in september and april, not really time to plan a good wedding. The other problem is that his family and friends live in San Diego, my mom and most of my family and friends live in Montana and my dad lives in Alaska and none of them really have alot of money to travel. The other thing is that his family have not accepted the fact that we are together, in their culture they have arranged marriges and are not ok with us getting married and i doubt they will come. We have competely accepted this fact and are ok with it, but it is embarrising to have a big wedding with all my family and friends and only his brother and his friends will come. We also do not have a whole lot of money for a wedding and neither one of us care about having a religious ceremony. I don't want to just go to the courhouse and get married with us two, i want it to be special but i don't really know what a good solution will be. please give any advice!


ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: What should i do for my wedding!!!!???
Posted: Jan 12, 2010 12:28 PM Go to message in response to: holly2011

My advice is to stop worrying about this until the time comes. As you're not even engaged yet, you have plenty of time before you have to think about the logistics of your wedding.

When the time comes, it sounds like you're leaning towards a smaller wedding. There are more options for getting married other than the courthouse and a huge expensive blowout. Do something in between.

As far as the travel goes, pick a location that will be as convenient as possible for the largest number of your guests. Most people have family and friends spread out over the entire country, if not the entire world. If some people have limited funds, you might get some declines, BUT I wouldn't be surprised if people did what they had to do to budget for the trip. A lot of people add an extra day or two to a trip for a wedding and make it a mini-vacation - that's popular in this economy. I am not swimming in excess cash, either, but in the past year, we have attended weddings in Massachusetts, NYC, Ohio, Long Island, and Georgia (we live in the DC area). People figure out how to make it work, or they decline - so I wouldn't stress over the fact that most of your guests will be traveling. 90% of our wedding guests were from OOT and all the important people showed up.

And on the long distance planning, it takes some organization of your time when you can make a brief trip, but almost everything can be done by phone or email. Our wedding was local to us and I still planned most of it by email, as I'm generally a pretty busy person.

As far as the family goes, if they decide not to attend or to associate with you in the future, that's unfortunate. I wouldn't worry about it now, however. When the time comes, they may reconsider their position. Believe it or not, we've seen a lot women come on here worrying about parents reaction, and a lot of the time, the parents surprise them. I'm not saying everything won't go the way you think it will...I'm just saying that it's not worth worrying about until you get engaged and see their reaction.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People


myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: What should i do for my wedding!!!!???
Posted: Jan 12, 2010 12:41 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Art offers great advice, as usual. When you are ready to plan (and that's not now!), I would suggest choosing a location that is convenient for YOU. It's always easiest to plan where you are, rather than at a distance. I realize that you move around, but try to choose a place that will offer you the most convenience or, at least, a place where you have some support troops (like parents, siblings, or close friends) to help you out. Since most people will have to travel no matter what, you won't be able to please everyone, no matter what you do.

With two years to go, either his family will come around and accept the idea that the two of you are getting married--or they won't. It's up to him to deal with his family and work on having them accept his situation. There's really nothing you can do about that. If they're still in denial, when the time comes, invite them, but accept the fact that they may boycott. Instead, surround yourself with people who love and care about the two of you--your family, your mutual friends,etc.

As Art says, there's a large number of choices that fall between "wedding extravaganza" and JOP. Since you travel to the Caribbean, you could choose a destination wedding (in most cases, only the nearest and dearest will attend.) In this economy, many people are scaling back to more intimate affairs--a lovely dinner in a good restaurant, a wedding brunch, a "Just Desserts" late evening reception, for example. Whatever you choose, you will be married to the person you love, and that's what's important.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: What should i do for my wedding!!!!???
Posted: Jan 12, 2010 3:53 PM Go to message in response to: holly2011

Dear Holly,

As a general rule, plan the wedding where you live. You will have to make many choices and deal with lots of details. All that is much easier when you are dealing locally, rather than long-distance.

Then, invite the people you want to come. If they can come, they will do so. If not, then not.

You'll probably end up with a small-ish wedding, which is fine. That's somewhere between an extravaganza and a JOP or courthouse wedding.


rekk1986 Posts : 4 Registered: 1/7/10
Re: What should i do for my wedding!!!!???
Posted: Jan 12, 2010 7:51 PM Go to message in response to: holly2011

When i read your post, I think that it's difficult for you to have all the ralations coming to your wedding. I know that both of your raletions wanted to go to youe wedding, but there's no way for them to participate. So you don't worry so much, just let them know when you organize wedding, and receive the congratulation from them.


FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: What should i do for my wedding!!!!???
Posted: Jan 12, 2010 10:32 PM Go to message in response to: holly2011

I want your job. Alaska in the summer and the Bahamas in the winter... what do you do? I want to come!

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer






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