Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties?

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tx09 Posts : 11 Registered: 9/3/09
Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties?
Posted: Dec 4, 2009 9:30 PM

Do you think Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties which involve strippers (both guys and girls) are disrespectful to the bride/groom. Meaning if the groom has strippers is it disrespectful to the bride, and the other way around. Also, do you think there are other things that are disrespectful, and out of respect for your partner should be excluded from such parties?

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties?
Posted: Dec 4, 2009 10:22 PM Go to message in response to: tx09

You are going to get varied responses on here.

I, for one, have no issues with it. That's me and my take on my relationship. I even told the BM to take my husband to a strip club for his party because he had never been. I for one, wasn't worried about DH and it was fine with me.

Now, I have a friend who used to dance at a club. She has no problem with her husband going to a club, but she would not want him at a private party with stripppers.

Anyhow, this subject has been hashed out here and it usually gets pretty personal. Just an FYI.

 

 

 

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tx09 Posts : 11 Registered: 9/3/09
Re: Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties?
Posted: Dec 4, 2009 10:33 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

I figured it would be an heated topic, but I'm just trying to get a good idea of what others feel about it. Personally I think if the couple, both bride and groom, are fine with strippers being at the bachelor/bachelorette parties, then who are we to tell them it is disrespectful. If the bride doesn't want her FH to have strippers, I think he should respect her wishes, and vice-versa.

I respect everyone's point of view, so I don't see myself getting upset about people saying one way or the other. However, do people agree with me when I said that both sides should respect the other's wishes on the issue?

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties?
Posted: Dec 4, 2009 10:34 PM Go to message in response to: tx09

Dear TX,

It doesn't matter what other people think. It's what you and your FH think.

If you think it's disrespectful for your guy to go to a party with strippers, then that's valid.

If FH thinks it's disrespectful for you to go to a party with strippers, then that's valid.

If you think it's fine for your guy to go to a party with strippers, then that's valid.

If FH thinks it's fine for you to go to a party with strippers, then that's valid.

People who have similar beliefs on this subject ought to find each other and get married. People with dissimilar beliefs on this subject ought not to get married.

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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties?
Posted: Dec 4, 2009 10:45 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

This is definitely a personal decision that you base on your own personal comfort level. In my perfect world, strippers wouldn't exist because I think on a deeper level that stripping is demeaning and disrespectful to women. I have similar objections to porn for the same reasons but at the same time kind of enjoy watching it, so I can understand people's/guys' desire to go to strip clubs (or watch porn).

I didn't object to my DH going to a strip club for his bachelor party. I DID object to him having a private party in a hotel room with a stripper (hence the strip club) and I objected to a lap dance. He hasn't really let me forget that but I don't regret making my opinion known.

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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties?
Posted: Dec 4, 2009 10:47 PM Go to message in response to: HappyGirl13

I'll add that I agree with you, Tx, and with Aunt. Whatever the couple decides between them is fine. If other people they know object to the couples' wishes, so be it, but it's not those people's decision to make.

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EWF Posts : 158 Registered: 7/16/09
Re: Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties?
Posted: Dec 5, 2009 2:43 PM Go to message in response to: tx09

personally, i have no issues with strippers or strip clubs for either party. but i know that for us as a couple, that type of activity holds no type of threat and we are both very comfortable with it, michael is the guy who his friends buy a lap dance and he ends up talking to the girl and finding out about her problems with her boyfriend. and i think male strip clubs are more funny than anything else...

i have a question for those of you that are anti-strip club... for my bachelorette party, we are going to a strip club (with female strippers) and we are having a stripping lesson (in a private room). then we are having dinner at the restaurant that is in the club, in the middle of all of the action. everyone i've spoken to thinks it sounds like a blast and i think it's going to be a lot of fun... and i'm going to learn how to give a lap dance! how would you girls feel about that type of thing?

 

 

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tx09 Posts : 11 Registered: 9/3/09
Re: Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties?
Posted: Dec 5, 2009 8:04 PM Go to message in response to: EWF

Well, I'm not anti-strip club, or pro-strip club, but I think that having the bachlorette party at a female strip club, learning how to give a strip-tease and a lap dance sounds like a blast! Especially since you'll be able to show your FH what you learned. Would I do it though? Probably not. Not that I have a problem with it, but just that I would be far too shy to do it. I can see myself getting up and just laughing, or making funny faces (trying to look sexy) - but now that I think about it, being with a bunch of my female friends, all of us in the same boat, I think I would give it a try.

What if your FH wanted to have his bachelor party at a male strip club to learn to do the same for you? THAT would be a fun thing to watch - a bunch of guys trying to look sexy. I think I would die of laughter!

Oh, and speak of the devil, I saw this episode of Bridezillas where the FH licked whipped cream off a girl's breasts - how would you ladies feel about your FH doing that? For me, I think it's crossing the line a little. I have the take "Look, but don't touch" - you can't stop men from looking, so I don't even think of trying (same for us too...) but licking a woman's breasts the night before you say "I do" seems a little shifty. Ya'lls thoughts? (Not meaning to start anything - just want to see if others share my sentiments.)

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties?
Posted: Dec 6, 2009 1:02 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Anyhow, this subject has been hashed out here and it usually gets pretty personal. Just an FYI.

I'd suggest that you check the archives--anything that could possible be said on this subject has been said. And, in the end, it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or feels. The only people whose opinions matter are yours and your FH's. Let's hope that you two agree--if you don't , that's where trouble usually arises.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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tx09 Posts : 11 Registered: 9/3/09
Re: Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties?
Posted: Dec 6, 2009 8:57 PM Go to message in response to: myra

Myra,
I've read other posts about this subject, and really, I found most of the posts extremely mature, and not overly personal at all. However, I don't feel like my questions were really answered. Most of the posts just deal with strippers, and I want to know other things that might be taken as disrespectful - for BOTH bachelor and bachelorette parties. And I was hoping that some other brides on this forum could give me some insight. Though my main focus is on strippers, since that seems to be the most common theme at these parties, there are other issues too, and I would like to know what people feel would be considered disrespectful.

I agree with you, as long as both parties agree to the terms of the BP there shouldn't be an issue, and if one person wants strippers and the other doesn't - as long as the wanting party is able to respect their partner's request I don't see problems there either.

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties?
Posted: Dec 6, 2009 10:22 PM Go to message in response to: tx09

The point is YOU have to decide with YOUR FH what is disrespectful.

Some people may have open relationships and there are certain boundaries or no boundaries that would not fly for other people. Some people have a NO stripper (club) line in the sand. Some people want NO party whatsoever.

And trust me, you didn't read all the replies to ALL the threads already on this board as there were a number that turned into absolute trainwrecks and got downright nasty. This has been absolutely tame. Trust me.

 

 

 

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties?
Posted: Dec 6, 2009 10:56 PM Go to message in response to: tx09

What other issues? We can tell you what WE view as disrespectful, but again, most of these issues come down to various sexual pecadillos or, perhaps, drunkeness. What issues do YOU think of as disrespectful?
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties?
Posted: Dec 7, 2009 10:44 AM Go to message in response to: tx09

Personally, I love a good strip club discussion. When it comes to personal advice, as it's been said before, the only person who has to agree with you is your fiance. That said. I'm always amused at people who say that it's disrespectful, period -- because I tend to read a hidden judgment in there of any man who goes to a strip club.

If you're doing a general survey of opinions, I'll just say that there's not much he can do at a strip club that would bug me. I'd be shocked to learn that there was a lot of touching going on with him and a stripper -- whether it be licking a boob, or a lap dance -- not because it would really offend me, but because he's a germaphobe. I think I'd be more amused than anything.

Hubs and I have a general "don't ask, don't tell" when it came to b-parties and other girls' or guys' nights out weekends. Sure, we can create a laundry list of what is/isn't allowed, but since I implicitly trust him and he me, what's the point?

__________________________________________

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties?
Posted: Dec 7, 2009 11:31 AM Go to message in response to: tx09

Dear Tx,

"I want to know other things that might be taken as disrespectful - for BOTH bachelor and bachelorette parties. And I was hoping that some other brides on this forum could give me some insight"

It really doesn't matter what others think. What matters is what you and your FH think.

If there is a difference of opinion between you and your FH, that's the issue, and you two need to work it out.

Some wives would be upset if they found even a soft core porn magazine in their husband's possession. Some other wives would not be bothered one bit if husband went to a strip club and got a nude lap dance. Some wives might even go with their husband and pay for the lap dance. The husband might even encourage his wife to go on stage during Amateur Hour and perform for other men. (Not my cup of tea, but what others do is their business.)

Your question is "what is disrespectful". You show respect to your FH/husband by taking his opinions into consideration when you make decisions about your life. Your FH/husband shows respect to you by taking your opinions into consideration when he makes decisions about his life.

There are no concrete answers here, no absolutes. In my house, for example, my husband would get thrown out and a suitcase full of his clothes after him if he showed up with a cigarette. He knows my very strong anti-smoking feelings and would show incredible disrespect to me if he started smoking cigarettes.

My parents, however, were both heavy smokers. Smoking in their house was the normal routine. Same with my brother and his wife.

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happydefiant1 Posts : 223 Registered: 7/9/09
Re: Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties?
Posted: Dec 7, 2009 1:49 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I don't think the OP is asking if disprespectful things matter. Obviously, everyone is going to say its up to the two of them. IMO, she is asking for what we believe or maybe what we have found others to believe is disrespectful.

For me and FH, strippers of any sort (private or club) or other girls (sisters of his friends, girls his friends know, gm wives, etc) are on a zero tolerance at the BP and the same goes for me; i.e. if it's a boys party then only boys in attendance, if its a girls party then only girls in attendance. We both fully trust each other and know that there is no risk involved, its just the idea of each of us being around a naked/partially naked person that we find disrespectful. If FH or myself need to see someone naked, we have 24 access to each other. Strippers can't do anything that we can't. If he needs excitement like that from another girl and vice-versa, then maybe we are with the wrong person. Germs would be a factor too. I've known some strippers and although they are not the majority, they weren't very hygenic. Then again, we don't watch porn either.

Other things that would be considered disrespectful would be anything we've discussed as no-no's and the other person ignores and does anyway. Or if the GM and BM's know something is off limits and they plan it anyway. That's disrespectful. FH and I don't really have a list compiled so I'll try to think of some that come to mind....

I know couples who are drinkers, but they don't drink when separated (partying solo with friends). In this case, drinking at the BP could be considered disrespectful.

Talking trash about each other to your parties would be disrespectful as well, and hopefully isn't happening since you're about to get married. In general, dissing each other isn't very respectful.

I think that not answering if either of you call each other on the night of BP is disrespectful and just opens up the opportunity for thoughts to fly where they don't need to. A quick touch base or a 'thinking of you' shouldn't be a problem. However, calling to keep tabs is, IMO, unnecessary. Both parties should respect each others space for the night and allow each other to have a good time.

What does everyone else find disrespectful?
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