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Maid of Honor Dilemma

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KIF11 Posts : 1 Registered: 11/16/09
Maid of Honor Dilemma
Posted: Nov 16, 2009 5:31 PM

I'm thinking of not having a maid of honor to avoid choosing between friends. However, I'm not sure what to do about the toast. Would it be odd to not have a maid of honor, yet select someone to give the toast? Has anyone else experienced a dilemma in choosing a MOH?

ohio , october_2010
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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,300 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: Maid of Honor Dilemma
Posted: Nov 16, 2009 5:54 PM Go to message in response to: KIF11

Keep in mind that if one of the friends in question is married and the other is single, you could have one be matron of honor and the other maid of honor.

There are all kinds of ways you could handle this. Have them both be just BMs like you're thinking, or (if you are indeed just choosing between two people--that wasn't clear from your post) you could have two MOHs even if they're both single or married.

Then when it comes to the toast, you could designate just one of them to do it. Or tell them you'd like them to figure out who's going to do it, and if they have a hard time deciding between themselves because they're being too diplomatic about it, tell them whoever wants it more gets to do it OR you can draw straws or something like that.

I handled it by having one BM. That took care of the problem nicely. There were actually three I would have chosen if we had wanted a larger wedding party, but out of my three "best" friends there was a clear "bestest" friend, so I just picked her.

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ohio , october_2010 , march_2008 , southern_california
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jmd22 Posts : 125 Registered: 7/17/08
Re: Maid of Honor Dilemma
Posted: Nov 16, 2009 7:32 PM Go to message in response to: KIF11

I have 5 bridesmaids and did not pick a maid of honor, because I didn't want to hurt any feelings by choosing one. As far as speeches go, I'm going to open it up to any of the girls who would like to say a few words, or maybe ask them to decide amongst themselves who is going to give a speech.

ohio , october_2010 , idaho , july_2010
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jellybean91908 Posts : 216 Registered: 2/9/09
Re: Maid of Honor Dilemma
Posted: Nov 16, 2009 8:45 PM Go to message in response to: KIF11

You could also opt to ask a close relative, like a brother, cousin, uncle, etc., to give a toast rather than a bridesmaid. Or you could skip the toast all together. Just make sure that whoever does it actually wants to. On that note, if all of your bridesmaids are friends, they could write the toast together, and each give part of it. I think that, however, would need to be totally up to them.

Caitlin & Michael ~ 9/19/08-forever <3 save the date

ohio , october_2010 , indiana
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Rose217 Posts : 475 Registered: 8/9/08
Re: Maid of Honor Dilemma
Posted: Nov 16, 2009 9:42 PM Go to message in response to: KIF11

I'm going sans maid of honor, because while I think it's a nice way to honor a close friend or relative, I'm not going to choose between my sisters. No big deal. Anyone can sign the license as a witness, and anyone who wants to can give a toast.

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Maid of Honor Dilemma
Posted: Nov 17, 2009 12:23 AM Go to message in response to: KIF11

To get technical, it is not usual to have a MOH give a speech.

I had an MOH and she was not physically able to give a speech. Even if someone had an issue with it, I'd tell them to go jump ship.

That's me.

You don't want to choose, make everyone equal, who doesn't toast. It works.

 

 

 

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Maid of Honor Dilemma
Posted: Nov 17, 2009 9:41 AM Go to message in response to: KIF11

Can u have 2 MOHs? I know lots of people who do this. Also I agree with Pharm, its not really common to have an MOH give a speech anyway. I've been to some who do and some who don't. Thats really the Best Man's main job. My MOH didn't do one for me (my sister) but I did one for her.

New Jersey: We have dumps, bays and cement boots and we know how to use 'em

october_2008 , ohio , october_2010 , central_new_jersey
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MrsCP3 Posts : 456 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: Maid of Honor Dilemma
Posted: Nov 17, 2009 10:46 AM Go to message in response to: KIF11

My MOH didn't give a toast at our wedding, and neither did the best man. My dad was the only one who did, and I don't think anyone noticed or cared.

I wouldn't worry about it, honestly.

 

 

 

october_2010 , atlanta , ohio , october_2009
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MonaLisaRoyaleB... Posts : 79 Registered: 5/1/09
Re: Maid of Honor Dilemma
Posted: Nov 17, 2009 11:09 AM Go to message in response to: KIF11

I had a LOT of MOH issues! Read my post that I put on today! typically the MOH does not give a toast- unless you tell her that you want her to do one... Whatever you decide to do, best of luck and make sure that if you chose a MOH you talk to her, make sure she knows what you want her to do and make sure this is a person who is going to work as hard at your wedding as you would work at her's (if you were her MOH)

if I had to do it over; I wouldn't of had a MOH
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ohio , october_2009 , october_2010 , kansas
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Moxiebaby Posts : 24 Registered: 6/18/09
Re: Maid of Honor Dilemma
Posted: Nov 17, 2009 3:11 PM Go to message in response to: KIF11

I know a bride who could not choose a maid of honor from her 3 best friends. She
resolved the problem by having her grandma be matron of honor :D

ohio , october_2010 , july_2010
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Toast Posts : 480 Registered: 9/10/08
Re: Maid of Honor Dilemma
Posted: Nov 17, 2009 4:46 PM Go to message in response to: Moxiebaby

most MOH's DONT give a speech. its usually just the best man. so, you could go that route. i am not making my MOH do a speech...if she wants to, thats cool....if not, thats cool too.

i had 2 good friends that i had to "pick from" for my MOH....there is always a better best friend, and you could go with that one. or you could simply pick the one who is a better planner so she really can help you with things.

Daisypath Wedding tickers

ohio , connecticut , october_2010 , july_2010
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ArtBride Posts : 4,841 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Maid of Honor Dilemma
Posted: Nov 18, 2009 11:25 AM Go to message in response to: KIF11

You don't have to have someone give a toast. If you don't have a MOH, just skip the toast. Nobody will think anything of it.

Or, if one or more of your BMs especially wants to say a few words, let them. If not, don't be too offended and don't force them. Most people aren't crazy about public speaking in the first place, and it can be difficult to compose a good speech for a wedding.

My sister was my MOH, so I didn't have to choose between friends. If I didn't have a sister, I probably would not have designated anyone as MOH, as I'm equally close to all three girls who were my BMs. As it was, I really didn't care whether my MOH gave a toast or not. I told my sister that it's traditional (though it's often just the Best Man who gives a toast), but that I wouldn't mind if she didn't want to. She chose to do it anyway and did a great job. (My sis was 15 at the time of my wedding, so I really didn't want to force her into anything she didn't want to do. Since she was game, we went for it. Her toast was absolutely precious!)

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

ohio , october_2010
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