Need Perspective - Be Honest

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Need Perspective - Be Honest
Posted: Oct 31, 2009 1:32 PM Go to message in response to: RohitaS

Also, I feel that it's been 6 years and I don't think I am going to
remotely be surprised it is as if I am just waiting for the day to come
and it will be anti-climatic and soooooo predicted,

DH and I had been together for 7 years when we got engaged. I don't think there was anything predictable or anticlimactic about it at all. Yes, I knew that we were going to get engaged, but that's the way it SHOULD be. If a woman has absolutely no idea that a man was going to ask her, they clearly haven't thought enough about their future and shouldn't be getting engaged yet. As for the actual proposal suprising you, you're right that you might know something was up if your otherwise unromantic BF asked you out to a fancy dinner for a cliche proposal. Give the guy a little more credit than that - I'm sure he can think of a way to propose to you that won't be 'anticlimactic' or 'boring.'

Personally, I don't really understand what the problem is. You said that you don't have money for a ring, but you already have one! Why not use that as your engagement ring? And as for the 'dilemma' of being given a diamond ring not as a engagement ring and it only fitting your left ring finger...if it's so embarassing to you to have to tell people you're not engaged, why on earth haven't you gotten the ring resized to wear it on your right hand? Or you could simply NOT wear it every day if you don't want people to mistake it for an engagement ring.

As far as the 'having no money' thing goes, I'll tell you the same thing that people tell their friends considering having kids: You will never feel financially secure enough. If you keep waiting until you reach some magic point when you'll feel like you have enough money, be prepared to be waiting a long time. Unless you're truly unable to support yourselves, you're financially secure enough to get married. And even if you're unable to support yourselves, you'd be in no worse shape married than you would be right now, living together and owning property together.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People


Brooke051609 Posts : 723 Registered: 12/31/07
Re: Need Perspective - Be Honest
Posted: Oct 31, 2009 2:04 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Ok, she's already made it clear that she does not want that ring for an engagment ring: it was given without thought- more of a last minute Christmas gift and has no special meaning behind it. I personally would not want to just make that my engagement ring on a technicality because it is a big ring.... even if it's a $10 engagement ring, I feel she'd be thrilled with it because it had THOUGHT and LOVE behind it, and I imagine that's what most of us thought about our rings. As long as the person giving it gave it with love and thought, that's all that mattered. I like the idea too of selling that ring, which you have no intentions of even really wearing and when you do you don't like it, and have him use that money toward an engagment ring.

I agree with a PP about if he's not ready to propose, there won't even be a wedding. I feel you both just need to sit down and openly talk about your expecations for the future. Marriage, finances, everything. Clear the air. He may be thinking you're not ready, and you are too... when maybe you're both the opposite. But like other's have mentioned, if he's been with you this long, and has gone through some of your roughest times so far, I think it sounds like he'd be open to discussing his future with you.

About the surprise of a proposal, my DH and I were together for 7 years when he proposed. I admit I felt like you for awhile that I wouldn't be surprised and just feel like "FINALLY!!" instead of happy and joyful. But I tell you, he surprised me completely and I was thrilled!! You're proposal WILL be special. I know you probably feel this way more at times than others, and it's hard to be patient, but I think clearing the air with your BF may help put some tensions at ease.

I feel like every girl should be able to have her moment, and look back fondly on her wedding day. Just because some women went to the JOP doesn't mean you have to. It's whatever makes a person happy. If the JOP is what a woman and her man wants, that's great! If a traditional church ceremony with lots of friends and family is what the couple wants, then that's great too! There is nothing wrong with either choice, it's how the couple wants to think of their wedding and nuptials. But again, clearing the air with your man about all of it first will help guide you both in the direction that is best for you and will make you happy with the decision.

Get all of your finances sorted out, talk to each other about your future, openly and honestly, and I feel like most of your worries should be put into perspective more. I feel like you're focusing more on the smaller things right now because you're overwhelmed. I think once you both talk you'll be able to take a step back and look at what's really going on and what you both want. Best of luck to you!


                                    "Come What May...."


FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: Need Perspective - Be Honest
Posted: Oct 31, 2009 4:59 PM Go to message in response to: dodgercpkl

That is so sweet. Sounds like you and your husband have a true love. And your parents too. :)

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer  



PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Need Perspective - Be Honest
Posted: Oct 31, 2009 6:18 PM Go to message in response to: Brooke051609

Yes, I can see that a woman should deserve her time - BUT she has a decision to make. Either she waits and ACCEPTS that OR she goes more economical.

Personally, I'm not sure he wants to get married.

And I also feel that unless they were independently wealthy, buying these houses for her family was bonehead. My opinion and I'm allowed to have it.

But it's been done.

So the OP needs to decide what's more important - waiting for her 'dream' of whatever she thinks it should be OR be willing to compromise.





PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Need Perspective - Be Honest
Posted: Oct 31, 2009 6:18 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Oh and if you don't like the ring and what it represents - why did you accept it? That makes no sense to me.





RohitaS Posts : 8 Registered: 10/28/09
Re: Need Perspective - Be Honest
Posted: Nov 3, 2009 3:34 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Dear All,

Thank you for taking the time to have read my post and responding to it, all of your comments and suggestions are very well taken and appreciated.

I really wanted to hear other's opinions and so forth on this situation and I am glad I got it, I have perspective on things I didn't have before and for that, whether you were OBNOXIOUS or NICE in your post it was all positively recieved on my end.

Have a wonderful day ladies and again I appreciate your time.

I wish you all happiness and love....MUAH :*


lesasue86 Posts : 75 Registered: 9/8/09
Re: Need Perspective - Be Honest
Posted: Nov 11, 2009 5:42 AM Go to message in response to: RohitaS

Don't under estimate your self, you were just praising him all the time but you didn't talk about yourself. And about the ring and marriage, go for a court marriage and make it a unexpensive affair.
pearl jewelry store


wzq103 Posts : 1,190 Registered: 9/11/12
Re: Need Perspective - Be Honest
Posted: Sep 20, 2012 5:48 PM Go to message in response to: RohitaS

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