Help - I'm Not Like The Rest of You...

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Wandering Posts : 2 Registered: 9/24/09
Help - I'm Not Like The Rest of You...
Posted: Sep 24, 2009 4:58 PM


So I am not a new bride. I am on an accelerated path to 40 and thinking about getting married for a second time. I am somewhat open but with a man who IS 40 and has never been married but likes to follow tradition. Seeing as how I'm divorced, a white traditional dress doesn't seem appropriate. My first wedding I was married in an off white silk dress with a beaded top and a full skirt with no train. It was simple and very pretty.

I'm so lost and clueless - and not just with a dress but I'm not sure what I would do anymore.

Can anyone give me any sort of feedback. Am I out of my mind for even considering a wedding?


klmhek Posts : 27 Registered: 9/23/09
Re: Help - I'm Not Like The Rest of You...
Posted: Sep 24, 2009 5:19 PM Go to message in response to: Wandering

Hi! I work at a bridal salon and I have seen women up to age 70 planning weddings! FYI, some actually do wear white/off white wedding dresses.. But if you don't feel thats appropriate then I would go with another formal dress maybe in a different color.

Recently we just did a wedding for a 45 year old woman who was getting married for the 3rd time. Her future husband wanted a wedding, so she had something very low-key and not too, too formal. She wore a long, classy champagne colored dress.. And the groom wore a brown suit. They each had one attendant (her sister, his best friend). The friend wore a very simple dark brown dress and the friend wore a shirt and tie.

I'm not sure if any of that is what you are looking for but I tried to help!
Good luck.. and congratulations :)

p.s. her dress was something like this..

Edited by: klmhek on Sep 24, 2009 5:19 PM


TanisJ Posts : 2,669 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: Help - I'm Not Like The Rest of You...
Posted: Sep 24, 2009 6:45 PM Go to message in response to: Wandering

welcome to the Boards. I was 38 when I got married and my husband was 43. We are both first timers. They are a number of ladies in the 40+ range on the boards and some ladies who are planning second weddings so you are not alone.

As for being out of your mind for considering a wedding not at all! (Well beside the stress and financial obligations that all brides feel).

I think you should wear whatever you are comfortable in and makes you feel beautiful.


myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Help - I'm Not Like The Rest of You...
Posted: Sep 24, 2009 7:22 PM Go to message in response to: Wandering

Of course you can have a full-on regular wedding. But if, as you say, your FH is 'traditional," then "tradition" would say that,as a second-time bride, you would not wear the typical poofy white wedding dress, and certainly not a veil. Just go with something beautiful that fits the formality of the occasion and the reality of your almost-40ish body. A friend of mine (50ish) remarried and wore an olive silk ball gown. She looked gorgeous and totally bride-like. When I remarried (casual, cocktail party wedding), I wore a brown velvet suit and silk blouse. But, if a big white dress feels wonderful to you, then go right ahead and wear it!
myra at


HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: Help - I'm Not Like The Rest of You...
Posted: Sep 24, 2009 7:23 PM Go to message in response to: Wandering

When my husband and I got married, it was both of our first times; however, I was 36 and he was 38. And we did all the traditional stuff and had a great time. The only "traditional" things we skipped were the bouquet toss--because most of my friends are no longer single and the ones that are don't want to be--and the garter toss.

Like all the PPs have said, wear something you feel pretty in. If you don't feel comfortable wearing white or ivory because you're a second-time bride, there are other beautiful, classy dresses out there that come in colors but that would fit the bill for your wedding day.

You're not crazy for having a wedding if your FH wants it. It's his first time, after all, and it doesn't really make a difference that he's 40. But if he doesn't care either way, maybe just do a simple ceremony with immediate family only, maybe your best friends, too, then treat them all to dinner at a restaurant afterward?

preview image






luvathena Posts : 929 Registered: 12/10/07
Re: Help - I'm Not Like The Rest of You...
Posted: Sep 24, 2009 7:43 PM Go to message in response to: Wandering

Congrats! I remarried at 50(!) and had a fairly traditional wedding,although I went into it kicking and screaming. My thoughts were like yours-I'd done this before-it was my second marriage-I shouldn't have a formal wedding. But my dh REALLY wanted to do the whole wedding thing, so eventually he convinced me. I wore a destination style bride's dress, and borrowed a veil (down the back only), and we had our kids as our attendants. I wrote the whole ceremony and included the kids. It was fabulous and in retrospect, I would not have done it any other way! We were married on a yacht, so it was less formal, but it was SO fun! Go for it!


kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: Help - I'm Not Like The Rest of You...
Posted: Sep 24, 2009 8:10 PM Go to message in response to: Wandering

As you can see there is no rest of you. There is just a woman who wishes to get married talking to a bunch of other women who want to get married and we bounce ideas off of each other.

I was a 40+ woman, second time bride planning a vow renewal with my husband of 10 years. We had a traditional wedding. I wore a white gown with a veil had attendants and my father even escorted me down the aisle. The only traditional things we didn't do were the bouquet and garter toss. We had a ball.

The only rule for wedding planning is to do what will work for you and your guy. If you two feel comfortable with it, it is the right thing to do. Have fun.

BTW Congrats on your engagement.




Kenny and me perfect together, 10 years and counting

Sucks to be you, So glad I am me

Proud Member of P.O.O.P,  People Offended by Offended People

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FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: Help - I'm Not Like The Rest of You...
Posted: Sep 24, 2009 8:35 PM Go to message in response to: Wandering

Yes, you are just like ME! I got married in June and I am 42 years old. It was the second marriage for me and my new husband. I felt the same way you did! I had no idea if I wanted a wedding, what kind of dress to get, etc. My fiance wanted a church wedding with our priest. The whole religious ceremony was important to him, and after I really thought about it, I realized it was important to me too! Plus, we have four children between us and we really wanted to start our marriage by including our kids and starting the whole blending the family thing. We ended up having a simple, elegant wedding at our church. I wore a white lace summer dress (very simple) with strappy white sandals. I didn't have attendants, but invited all the women attending to wear something pink or something with pink in it. That was to honor my Mother who died of breast cancer. I wore a breast cancer awareness ankle bracelet from Tiffany's. The reception was at my sister's home and it was just immediate family (parents, siblings, children, etc.) There was about 25 people total. And it was perfect.

If you want a wedding, don't cheat yourself! You deserve to be a bride just like we all do! You have your special day, whatever that means to you. Good luck and let us know what you decide!

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer



Wandering Posts : 2 Registered: 9/24/09
Re: Help - I'm Not Like The Rest of You...
Posted: Sep 25, 2009 7:51 PM Go to message in response to: Wandering

Thanks everyone. That really gives me a confidence boost about this whole thing.


brettdresseur Posts : 13 Registered: 9/20/09
Re: Help - I'm Not Like The Rest of You...
Posted: Sep 29, 2009 2:24 AM Go to message in response to: Wandering

Well this is the perfect time to be looking at color. Most of the major designers have been showing colored bridal gowns on the runway this season and they're goregous. Although I don't think that you should have to wear anything but white because this is not your first marriage, the colored gowns look splendid. Some of the colors I have seen were lilac, green and rose. They do not look like evening gowns and the designs are very much traditional to where you will know that they are bridal gowns immediately. Vera Wang, Carolina Herrera and Reem Acra have some fantastic choices.
If they are out of your budget, anything that has a hint of color would be perfect.

<a xhref="">
<img border="0" xsrc="" alt="wedding countdown" />



Soon2BAPrice Posts : 50 Registered: 4/7/09
Re: Help - I'm Not Like The Rest of You...
Posted: Sep 29, 2009 5:02 AM Go to message in response to: Wandering

i say, do what YOU 2 want to do! if you're unsure about white, go with ivory, champagne etc...maggie soterro has a color called antique ivory, that i just ADOOOORE!

but then, brides these days, wear just about any all honesty, i'm 26, my fiance is 31, and this is our 3rd round each of us(well, i married my 1st husband twice, so it's legally my 4th EEK!) first wedding, i wore an offwhite sundress, my exhusband(one of my BFF's!)wore a navy suit. our color was blue ;) the 2nd time we married, i wore a blue dress, and he was in his BDU's(he was in the army)...when i married my ex, his mom rushed us(she married us), so i got married in pj's and he was buckling his belt as we said i do...

for the fiance, he got married in a courthouse both times...1st time, wore slacks and a polo...the 2nd time he wore his navy "working whites" because he got married on his lunch break...

this time, we decided we wanted the traditional "sort" dress is light ivory, and he's wearing a tux...we're each having 2 attendants, flower girls, and ringbearers...and at least 45+ people...(maybe even 100 if we have to switch our place again!)...we'll be married in a religious ceremony, and have the full reception...but WE are paying for it, so WE are doing what WE want to, see where i keep doing that with *WE*???!!!

my mom is getting married for the 3rd time next august....and we(as in her, me, and my sister, and our future stepdad!), have decided there will not be a civil ceremony....they both experienced wedding ceremonies thrown together by friends, with no real we're going all out with them! my mom will be almost 46, and her fiance is 44 i think....or 45.....she wore white the 1st time also, and she's wearing white this time also...

***I"m Gonna Be A Price!!***

March 20, 2010...God Willing!...

Pricex4, Plus 1 More!!!


CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Help - I'm Not Like The Rest of You...
Posted: Sep 29, 2009 9:51 AM Go to message in response to: Wandering

Oh, honey, you're so not alone. I just got married -- for the 2nd time, at age 41 to a man, aged 40, who had never been married.

When we started talking about getting married, I asked him what kind of a wedding HE wanted -- I'd done it before, and if he said 'courthouse' that is what we'd have done. But he wanted the party, the event, the whole nine yards...and we had that.

my mother kept harping "You're not going to wear white. You know you can't wear white." Well, guess what. YOU CAN. You can wear white, you can wear a veil. (You can even wear a blusher veil if you want, but typically, that is for the 1st timers...but no one will say anything if you do it.) You can have every bit of the all out party as you want.

I wore a white halter dress with a sweep train, I hand embellished my finger tip length veil. I had a poofy (not too poofy) skirt to my dress.

It's your wedding. You're having a fresh start with the man you want to spend your life with. That is legitimate cause for celebration. So buy the dress that lights up your eyes and makes you feel lovely. Plan the wedding that reflects who you are as a couple. Have a wedding party...and put them in bridesmaids dresses.

It is the day you and your FH get married. And yes, even us second timers get to do it up like we are a giddy girl of 20 if that is what we want to do.



ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Help - I'm Not Like The Rest of You...
Posted: Sep 29, 2009 10:20 AM Go to message in response to: Wandering

Nah, you're just like the rest of us. Everybody here is marrying someone they love. There are differences in age, interests, income, etc, etc - but fundamentally, everyone is here for the same reason. And you're certainly not crazy for wanting your wedding day to be memorable, no matter how many times you've been married before.

Here's what I think is AWESOME about many 'older' brides, and this is true for people that I know in real life and many women that I've met on these boards: many 'older' brides have the maturity and confidence to do what THEY want without regard to tradition or other people's expectations, while many younger brides seem to get caught up in how they're 'supposed' to do things or what their mother or family expects of them. While you'll see exceptions to this on both ends, you should look at that as a cool thing: as a 'mature' woman, you'll be able to avoid pitfalls that you might have fallen into with your first wedding.

I wouldn't worry too much about second-wedding etiquette, except perhaps keeping registries small or not registering. If you want to wear white, go for it. If you want to wear a simple dress, go for it. If you want a small ceremony instead of a big she-bang, go for it. Or if you want to have a big celebration with everyone you know, that's fine, too. You're certainly entitled to celebrate your new marriage in whatever way seems appropriate to you and your groom. Since it is his first wedding and he is traditional, I'd suggest a compromise. Sit down and discuss both your ideas about what you want in a wedding. Don't worry if you're not in agreement at first - DH and I intitally had such different ideas that I thought we were talking about weddings on different planets! Once you've both figured out your ideas, make a list of your top three priorities. Then try to accomodate as many of one another's first three priorities as you can while compromising on all the rest.

As far as the dress goes, you might want to look at designers at offer 'destination wedding' dress collections, which are typically simple. They can be very beautiful, but are not normally as 'poofy' and 'virgin-looking' as mainstream wedding dresses. You might be very happy with something like that, and many can be ordered in various shades of off-white or champagne if you're uncomfortable wearing white. A close friend of mine got married two years ago at 37 (her second wedding, his first) and while she still wore a poofy, traditional-looking wedding dress, she got it in champagne, which I thought was beautiful. If you don't want to wear white or anything in the white family, your options are endless. You could look at bridesmaid dress, mother of the bride dresses (don't let the name fool you - some are quite sexy!), or any dress you can find in a department store. Whatever you feel comfortable wearing. But I wanted to tell you to look at some 'destination wedding' dresses, at they might be a good compromise for a traditional groom and a bride who doesn't want to be too bride-like.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People


BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Help - I'm Not Like The Rest of You...
Posted: Sep 30, 2009 1:41 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

"I am somewhat open but with a man who IS 40 and has never been married but likes to follow tradition"

In order to give better advice, can you please clarify this? To me, it seems that you aren't really sure that you want to be married. If that is the case, then I would not go ahead with wedding plans until you are sure! If I misinterpreted that...ignore me :)

As for dresses...go with whatever makes you feel comfortable and flatters your body type. Please don't pick something that only a 19-year-old bride would look good in, hee hee. I like the idea of cocktail or beach wedding-style wedding dresses for older brides (white or whatever colour you want)
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker


Kimberly212 Posts : 972 Registered: 9/12/12
Re: Help - I'm Not Like The Rest of You...
Posted: Sep 27, 2012 9:36 PM Go to message in response to: Wandering

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