Invitation wording - Delayed reception

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BibliophileMom Posts : 80 Registered: 3/26/09
Invitation wording - Delayed reception
Posted: Sep 11, 2009 4:11 PM

I'm hoping to get some advice on whether or not this wording is okay for our invitations.

Details:

  • Bride and groom hosting
  • Daughter (7 years old) lives with us, and fiance will be adopting her after the wedding. She has called him "dad" for years. Her biological father is not involved at all. We would like to have her name on the invites.
  • We are having a destination wedding with only our immediate families. These invitations are for a Delayed Reception only, after the honeymoon, in our home town.
  • The invitations have to have my maiden name, since we will be mailing them out before the wedding takes place.
  • My fiance does not have a middle name.

Jane Abigail Doe

and

John Smith

together with Cutie Pie Doe

are overjoyed to announce

that they will be married

in a private ceremony

on Sunday, the eleventh of April

on the island of Someplace

Please join us for a

reception to celebrate

our marriage

on Saturday, the twenty-fourth of April

at four o'clock

Reception Hall
Hometown, State


www.mywedding.com/Leaver2010

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MrsJDtobe Posts : 159 Registered: 2/15/09
Re: Invitation wording - Delayed reception
Posted: Sep 11, 2009 5:15 PM Go to message in response to: BibliophileMom

I like it but my only concern would be the fact that you are giving the details of your ceremony. I don't think that's necessary. If you MUST include it, I wouldn't put the place and stuff like that. I'd be concerned that someone may see it as an invitation for both occassions. Perhaps you can just say "come celebrate our marriage" or wording to that effect, but not offer intimate details.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On October 11, 2009, my cop will forever be cuffed to my heart ;-)

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Invitation wording - Delayed reception
Posted: Sep 11, 2009 6:42 PM Go to message in response to: BibliophileMom

Dear BPM,

Jane Abigail Doe

John Smith

Cutie Pie Doe

invite you to a reception

on Saturday, the twenty-fourth of April

at four o'clock

Reception Hall
Hometown, State

What did I remove?

-The "and" which is used to indicate a married couple. At the point in time you are sending the invitations, you are not yet married.

-The anticipation of marriage announcement. It is totally OK to send wedding announcements, but that is done AFTER the ceremony is a done deal. You are mixing up a wedding invitation and announcement. "We are having a ceremony, but you are not invited to that." Um... not good.

The reception invitation is just that: a reception invitation. Anyone with a single brain cell in their head will figure it's a Delayed Reception for a wedding, to which they are not invited. No need to make it crushingly obvious.

If you want to send wedding announcements, which is a good idea in your case, get them ready before you leave. Get them printed, stuffed, addressed, stamped and bundled together. If you want to mail them from your foreign destination wedding location, then get stamps there and affix them when you have a chance. Otherwise, give the bundle with US stamps to some incredibly trustworthy person back home. That person drops them in the mailbox as soon as you phone and say "WE DID!".

Jane Abigail Doe

and

John Smith

together with Cutie Pie Doe

are overjoyed to announce

that Jane and John were married (note past tense)

on Sunday, the eleventh of April

City, Island Name (eg Nassau, Bahamas)

Note here that we specify that Jane and John were the people getting married. If you just say "they", then it sounds like a ménage à trois. If you omit the girl's name, you could say "they were married".

Finally, make plans for a lovely adoption announcment in the years to come.

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BibliophileMom Posts : 80 Registered: 3/26/09
Re: Invitation wording - Delayed reception
Posted: Sep 11, 2009 9:00 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Ah - thanks! I thought the wording with Cutie Pie sounded strange, but I couldn't figure out how to fix it. It did sound like all three of us are getting married. ;-P

I understand about the wedding details - I got this wording from an example on another website, but wasn't sure it would work.

Maybe we could do something more like

Jane Doe
John Smith
Cutie Pie Doe
request the honor of your presence
at a reception to celebrate their wedding
blah blah blah

www.mywedding.com/Leaver2010

Reply


BibliophileMom Posts : 80 Registered: 3/26/09
Re: Invitation wording - Delayed reception
Posted: Sep 11, 2009 9:02 PM Go to message in response to: BibliophileMom

Arg - I did it again - "their wedding." I must be fixated on that.

What about

Jane Abigail Doe
John Smith
Cutie Pie Doe
request the honor of your presence
at a reception to celebrate
the wedding of Jane and John
blah blah time date details

www.mywedding.com/Leaver2010

Reply


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Invitation wording - Delayed reception
Posted: Sep 11, 2009 10:30 PM Go to message in response to: BibliophileMom

Dear BP,

"request the honor of your presence
at a reception to celebrate
the wedding of Jane and John
"

Oh, please don't shoot the messenger!!! I'm trying to help you!!! I'm on YOUR side!!!!!

We're still not there. What's wrong with your wording?

"Request the honor of your presence" is used when you are inviting someone to a church service. The church is God's House. You don't invite someone to God's House; only God can do that. What you do, instead, is "request the honor of your presence" in God's House.

If an event (ceremony or reception or whatever) is not being held in a church sanctuary (or synagogue or mosque or other holy place), then you can INVITE people there. This is the case even if the reception is held in a church fellowship hall or other anxillary building.

You're still trying to get in that wedding thing into the reception invitation. That's what's fouling you up. I sincerely suggest you simply invite them to a reception. THEY ARE SMART PEOPLE. THEY WILL FIGURE IT OUT.

They will figure it out especially when the wedding announcement arrives in the mailbox two or three days after the ceremony. "Oh, wow, open hand slap on forehead they got married. So THAT's the reason for the Mystery Reception. Duh."

Marge Bouvier
Homer Simpson
together with Lisa Simpson
invite you to a reception
Date, place, time.

Simple, direct, no tortured wording.

I understand you are just dying to get the word out about your wedding!!!! I understand completely. But you cannot announce a wedding in advance unless you are inviting that person to attend the ceremony.

Marge Bouvier and
Homer Simpson
together with Lisa Simpson
announce the marriage of Marge and Homer
Date (past date, not future date), City. (no need for exact time of day nor exact place - city and state/country is good enough)

Again, don't shoot the messenger! I'm on your side! I hate to keep on picking on you, but you asked for help.

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saraheee Posts : 6 Registered: 9/12/09
Re: Invitation wording - Delayed reception
Posted: Sep 12, 2009 12:47 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Bibliophile, just wanted to chime in with my two cents. Auntofthebride has made some excellent suggestions, but I disagree with her opinion that you shouldn't use the word "wedding" on your reception invite. While the first invite was too specific, Aunt's strikes me as too vague. What if cutie pie just had a birthday? What if Jane's mother is turning 60 and people assume that the reception is a surprise celebration? You don't want to assume that people will assume correctly--too many layers of assumption!


Plus, we don't even know whether you are planning to send out wedding announcements. If, for whatever reason, you don't, then any confusion may be even harder to clear up.


Jane Abigail Doe

and
John Smith
together with Cutie Pie Doe
invite you to a reception

to celebrate the wedding of Jane and John
Date, Place, Time

Etiquette may say that you should not mention "wedding," but if etiquette gets in the way of clarity, then I say screw it :)

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Invitation wording - Delayed reception
Posted: Sep 12, 2009 10:18 AM Go to message in response to: saraheee

Dear Sarah,

Jane Abigail Doe

and
John Smith
together with Cutie Pie Doe
invite you to a reception

to celebrate the wedding of Jane and John
Date, Place, Time

This might sound as if the wedding will take place during the reception.

In various churches, the word "celebrate" indicates the church service is taking place. "Father Smith will celebrate the Eucharist at 10:00." Fr. Smith is referred to as the "celebrant".

You have an excellent point in people not understanding the purpose of the reception, and I'm not entirely disagreeing with you. The problem is that there is no way in a formal invitation to anticipate the wedding without inviting people to attend. People know they couple are engaged, that's been made public. People know a date has been set, and that the couple will go to the Caribbean for the actual ceremony. Thus, they are invited to "a reception" a week or two later.

If the reception was for any other purpose, such as Mom's birthday, then that purpose would be in the invitation.

" but if etiquette gets in the way of clarity"

I agree, but it's difficult to think of a way to word it so as to make it clear that an anticipated wedding will have already taken place and you're not invited.

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saraheee Posts : 6 Registered: 9/12/09
Re: Invitation wording - Delayed reception
Posted: Sep 12, 2009 3:11 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Hm, I see your point. It may not be an issue, if the bride's and groom's families are not religious and would not be likely to interpret "celebrate" in that way. This is tricky! Maybe it would be better (or at least easier!) to word the event more as a "welcome home" reception?

(Jane and John, together with Cutie Pie...)
invite you to a reception
to welcome them home from
Jane and John's wedding ceremony in (Nassau, Bahamas)
(Reception details...)



OR

Jane Smith and John Doe

will be joined in marriage on (28 November 2009)


Please join them

together with Cutie Pie Doe

at a reception to celebrate
(details)


For the second one, hopefully the meaning of "celebrate" will be clearer because it comes immediately after "reception" and does NOT appear in conjunction with "wedding."

Also, I would think that the two separate dates (one for the wedding, one for the reception) would help to clarify, epecially since the "please join them" occurs in a "paragraph" that only mentions details for one date--the reception. (After looking at the format in which this posted, the two separate "paragraphs" don't actually show up that way, but you know what I mean--first two lines, then a break, and then the "please join them" section.)


Edited by: saraheee on Sep 12, 2009 3:17 PM

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BibliophileMom Posts : 80 Registered: 3/26/09
Re: Invitation wording - Delayed reception
Posted: Sep 14, 2009 9:08 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Dear AOTB,

Haha! Don't worry - I'm not shooting any messengers! This is exactly why I wanted to post the wording before I order the invites!

We're thinking now that it might be clearer just to skip puting Cutie Pie's name on the invites. It seems to make the wording too complicated.

Also, I read on another site that for church ceremonies you say "honour of your presence" and non-church you say "honor" of your presence. But that could be wrong!

I get the reason why we can't really talk about the wedding on the invite. I'm just worried that some people might not really get it. And we weren't planning on sending wedding announcements - it seems like a lot of extra expense - is it necessary?

So...

Jane Abigail Doe
John Smith
request the pleasure of your company
at a reception
Blah blah blah date and time etc

OR

Jane Abigail Doe
John Smith
invite you to their wedding reception
blah blah blah date and time etc


Can we call it a "wedding reception" instead of saying "reception to celebrate their wedding" or similar? And can we use "request the pleasure of your company" instead of just "invite"?

Thanks!

www.mywedding.com/Leaver2010

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Invitation wording - Delayed reception
Posted: Sep 14, 2009 1:56 PM Go to message in response to: BibliophileMom

Dear BP,

Sarah mades some good points in specifiying the nature of the reception. I'm glad she added her opinion. You are in a position, now, of making an informed decision.

I think that leaving your daughter's name out might help in the wording. I sympathize with your desire to include her, but it makes a complex situation more difficult to follow.

You could make a design with a family group photo on the outside of the card, text on the inside. That would include her without adding to the verbiage problems. I have seen similar invitations where the child's handwriting is reproduced in the invitation text. If she has clear handwriting and your guests are mostly child-loving family, that might be something to consider. Finally, you could put a reproduction of her drawing of a happy family on the invitation front.

I'm going to anticipate Sarah's agreement and vote for this one:
Jane Abigail Doe
John Smith
invite you to their wedding reception
blah blah blah date and time etc


"Can we call it a "wedding reception" instead of saying "reception to celebrate their wedding" or similar? And can we use "request the pleasure of your company" instead of just "invite"?"

I'm the type of person who prefers simple, direct language. Why say "visually access an analog time instrument" when you can say "look at a clock" instead?

My preference would be just "invite you", but I have no problem with the "request the pleasure of your company" alternative.

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BibliophileMom Posts : 80 Registered: 3/26/09
Re: Invitation wording - Delayed reception
Posted: Sep 14, 2009 6:39 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Haha! Thank you so much for all the replies. :-) Now I have a few wording choices that should work, to discuss with my fiance.

www.mywedding.com/Leaver2010

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