Family doesn't approve of groom, vice versa.

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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Family doesn't approve of groom, vice versa.
Posted: Sep 1, 2009 3:08 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMsScott

Well since I don't know why they don't like him, I am not going to give you advice on a wedding. If they dislike him because he is a Yankee fan and they love the Red Sox, then I'd say screw them and have the small wedding. If they don't like him because he is a pedophile, my advice would be totally different.

 

 

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Family doesn't approve of groom, vice versa.
Posted: Sep 1, 2009 3:17 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMsScott

To me, it's not worth getting involved with, or marrying, a man who your family doesn't like. That is a pretty big red flag. People dont like people for no reason. So you're willing to throw away your family for a guy? And at 18, how long could this possibly last anyway?

New Jersey: We have dumps, bays and cement boots and we know how to use 'em

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Family doesn't approve of groom, vice versa.
Posted: Sep 1, 2009 3:48 PM Go to message in response to: Bride2008

dear Bride2008,

Exactly my feelings on this. Without any context, it's hard to offer any suggestions.

I will say that if one of my sons came to me wanting to marry someone prone to hissy fits (see below), I might find myself wondering, in my private thoughts, if he might do better.

"Also, ITS NOT BECAUSE OF MY AGE THE DON'T APPROVE!
I KNOW THE REASON WHY, BUT IT IS PERSONAL!
I JUST WANT ADVICE ABOUT IF I SHOULD HAVE AN INTIMATE WEDDING
OR A NORMAL, ENTIRE FAMILY WEDDING. PLEASE NO NEGATIVE BECAUSE OF MY AGE!"

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Family doesn't approve of groom, vice versa.
Posted: Sep 1, 2009 3:58 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMsScott

Like I said earlier, I knew you were young because you had a hissy fit about your age. If you hadn't mentioned it, I woudn't have known. Now I know for two reasons: 1) You volunteered the information, 2) You sound like an immature kid. Nobody else here has volunteered their ages, yet you're assuming we're all older than you...probably because we're not the ones having hissy fits.

If you want to give us more information, we'll offer you some advice. But you started this thread by saying, 'Neither of our families like the other one. It's not because of our ages, but I won't tell you why it is.' I respect your privacy, but I can't give you any advice without knowing the particulars. As for the wedding, I gave you some things to think about in my earlier post, but I can only give general advice since I don't know your story.

Honestly, you don't sound like you're really looking for advice. If you were, you'd make it easier for us to give it to you. Instead, you sound like you're looking for someone to agree with you. Sorry, but I can't. My advice is to talk it over with your FH and decide what's best for both of you.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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08divabride Posts : 831 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: Family doesn't approve of groom, vice versa.
Posted: Sep 1, 2009 4:46 PM Go to message in response to: Bride2008

I agree with bride2008.

It doesn't seem like you want advice. I understand if you don't want you r life story on a public forum, but you can't be so vague either.

 Lilypie - (8e8A)

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FoundTrueLove Posts : 54 Registered: 8/18/09
Re: Family doesn't approve of groom, vice versa.
Posted: Sep 1, 2009 8:46 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMsScott

i really think the general consensus here is that you're not giving us enough information. you get all defensive on us without anyone even saying anything and then won't volunteer what the conflict is concerning (except that its not age). if you dont want your entire story out on a forum, maybe you could private message someone and ask them for advice there. otherwise, we can't really help. and unfortunately, that little rant you gave at the bottom of your post just served to do the opposite you wanted. it made most of us actually think that this is about age. if it isn't fine, but try not to yell at people before they've even offered an opinion.

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Family doesn't approve of groom, vice versa.
Posted: Sep 2, 2009 10:59 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMsScott

Okay, I'll bite.

Your question boils down to: Should I let their disapproval affect my wedding plans?

Seems to me that that's really up to you. If their disapproval will drag down your day, then don't spend a lot of money on a day you won't enjoy. If it won't, then do the big shebang and trust that they'll come around in time. Since you can't provide us with much detail, that's my best advice.

As a side note, though, I think you should wait to get married until you're at the point where you don't let your family's approval sway you this much. For me, that didn't happen till several years after I was 18.



__________________________________________

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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mikesangel4lf Posts : 26 Registered: 4/11/09
Re: Family doesn't approve of groom, vice versa.
Posted: Sep 11, 2009 6:12 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMsScott

Hi. I can totally understand your situation. My fiance and I are facing the same situations. His dad and stepmom don't think I am good enough for him. Most of his friends agree with them. My family doesn't think he is the right person for me for various reasons that I do know cuz my family has big mouths... hehehe . I personally am planning a normal wedding with all my family and friends and just hoping that everyone comes. If they choose not to I guess that is just tough but at least I can live with the knowledge that I did what I could to smooth the waters. Good Luck.
Lorelei

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MrsJDtobe Posts : 159 Registered: 2/15/09
Re: Family doesn't approve of groom, vice versa.
Posted: Sep 11, 2009 8:26 AM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

OK, so the families don't approve of either of you...but do YOU like his family? Does HE like your family? Age will change and eventually you will become a more mature individual and will look back and recognize what a lot of these ladies are trying to tell you. I am a firm believer in the philosophy of "you don't just marry the man, you marry the family too". While you can eliminate the unannounced drop-by, avoid living next door or down the block from them, not attend weekly Sunday dinners, and keep the physical contact to a few holiday gatherings per year, but were either of you close to your families to begin with?

My first husband had a horrible family and that should have been a red flag for me. After all, this is your partner's FAMILY. Will their influences sway them to one day resent you? Your love may be stronger than that, but I wanteds to bring that up.

My FH's family is like my 2nd family. I call his mom and dad "mom" and "dad", while after my 13 year marriage to my ex-husband I never uttered those words to anyone than my folks! It certainly is a lot easier when the families get along. Things like holidays go smoother, family gatherings are happier, and one day, if you choose, you may have children who will have both sets of grandparents. It would make like better for you to have the love and support of both families.

While I think you are exceptionally young and certainly not mature enough to be married, I cannot tell you what to do. I can only offer this advice: I was first married very young when I had just joined the military. I was hard headed and figured that if I could serve my military then I was old enough to be married--regardless if I couldn't even have wine at my wedding dinner because I wasn't of age. Boy, was I wrong! I hadn't LIVED LIFE yet. I didn't see it until I hit my 30s and realized that I rushed into it. Please take your time and know that life isn't a race.

Pace yourself and enjoy the flow. Talk to your families and tell them your intentions and ask them what there is that you can do to make them happy. If they both have the same issues, then maybe they're on to something. If they both have some random silly issues then I think in time they will change their minds. Perhaps they won't tell you it's an age thing because they feel that you will rush into it and do it anyway just to spite them.

Good luck!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On October 11, 2009, my cop will forever be cuffed to my heart ;-)

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Mushaboo Posts : 2,165 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: Family doesn't approve of groom, vice versa.
Posted: Sep 11, 2009 11:47 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMsScott

If they aren't going to show up or don't want to show up, then elope. Screw everyone else and do it your way. Are you really concerned his family doesn't like you and that your family doesn't like you FH? I'd say probably not because you're proceeding with a marriage with 100% immediate family disapproval.

So, why are you even asking opinions if we don't know anything about the situation....only your age? lol
Happiness is you MIL's face on a milk carton.

wedding ticker 

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EWF Posts : 158 Registered: 7/16/09
Re: Family doesn't approve of groom, vice versa.
Posted: Sep 11, 2009 12:55 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMsScott

ok, you aren't going to like hearing this, but... if 7+ people don't approve of you/him/this relationship, there has to be a valid reason why not. if it was just your mom saying "he didn't open the door for me" that would be one thing, but when it's a majority of people, that's saying something. maybe they have a point.
i know it's hard not to be emotional about this, but have either of you really sat down and listened to the reasons why everyone feels this way. not just heard what they are saying, but really listened and tried to understand why they feel the way they do. people outside of your relationship can often see things more clearly than you do.
are you close to your family? is he? if you are, they are most likely looking out for your best interests even if you don't agree with what they are saying. i'm not advocating dumping your fiancee, i'm just suggesting that you really try to understand what both families objections are so maybe something can be resolved.
to answer your question, i would do something small, even just the two of you. i think having a lot of people would only emphasize who isn't there, especially if it's your close family.

 

 

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