SO I have been debating whether or not to post this, because for some reason my posts never seem to say what I mean and it never comes out right. So this will probably make me seem like a cold, selfish, bridezilla. But that is not the case.
I have been engaged for 8 months. I had a plan, down to every detail, before I even got engaged. I would definitely say I am a type A personality. I am a perfectionist to the max in every aspect of my life. I strive to please everyone, which is the reason for my disappointment right now. I have NO IDEA what I want for my wedding.
Everyone has an opinion, knows how they want to see ME get married, but me. At first I wanted a big wedding local, then opted for a DW to jamaica with 25 people when money was an issue, now Im not even sure I want to have a wedding. Every time I mention what I WANT, it gets shut down. Not only by my FMIL but friends. Seems like everyone has their own idea of how they want to see me get married. I try to take everyone's situation (economy, kids, money, babysitter) in mind, and Im so unhappy because I cant figure out what I WANT because I am too busy trying to please everyone else.
I am normally the person who takes iniative, has no problem telling someone how it is, knows exactly what I want and how to get it. But not in this case.
I have changed my colors a million times, changed the destination a million times, changed the date a million times. But nothing works.
Everyone tells me to take a step back and figure it out. FH and I sat down, came up with what we want, but still cant settle on a date. my FMIL said the best time to go to Jamaica is April-May. Every other month we have thrown out gets denied because apparantly it gets cold (i know BS) but she refuses to go any other time. Well that would mean waiting until 2011 because of Graduations next year. I really dont want to wait that long, but everyone keeps telling me to think about my guest, be accomodating, its not about just you, its about your guest because its their vacation time. I completely understand that, but it doesnt give them the right to run my wedding or the planning of.
I am just so frustrated at this point. Any word of weddings, I just burst into tears. I want to marry my love more then anything and Im just tired of everyones opinions getting in the way.
