Decision making...

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Guest
Decision making...
Posted: Aug 14, 2009 2:44 PM

SO I have been debating whether or not to post this, because for some reason my posts never seem to say what I mean and it never comes out right. So this will probably make me seem like a cold, selfish, bridezilla. But that is not the case.

I have been engaged for 8 months. I had a plan, down to every detail, before I even got engaged. I would definitely say I am a type A personality. I am a perfectionist to the max in every aspect of my life. I strive to please everyone, which is the reason for my disappointment right now. I have NO IDEA what I want for my wedding.

Everyone has an opinion, knows how they want to see ME get married, but me. At first I wanted a big wedding local, then opted for a DW to jamaica with 25 people when money was an issue, now Im not even sure I want to have a wedding. Every time I mention what I WANT, it gets shut down. Not only by my FMIL but friends. Seems like everyone has their own idea of how they want to see me get married. I try to take everyone's situation (economy, kids, money, babysitter) in mind, and Im so unhappy because I cant figure out what I WANT because I am too busy trying to please everyone else.
I am normally the person who takes iniative, has no problem telling someone how it is, knows exactly what I want and how to get it. But not in this case.
I have changed my colors a million times, changed the destination a million times, changed the date a million times. But nothing works.
Everyone tells me to take a step back and figure it out. FH and I sat down, came up with what we want, but still cant settle on a date. my FMIL said the best time to go to Jamaica is April-May. Every other month we have thrown out gets denied because apparantly it gets cold (i know BS) but she refuses to go any other time. Well that would mean waiting until 2011 because of Graduations next year. I really dont want to wait that long, but everyone keeps telling me to think about my guest, be accomodating, its not about just you, its about your guest because its their vacation time. I completely understand that, but it doesnt give them the right to run my wedding or the planning of.
I am just so frustrated at this point. Any word of weddings, I just burst into tears. I want to marry my love more then anything and Im just tired of everyones opinions getting in the way.

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KaylaMarriedBrett Posts : 146 Registered: 3/12/08
Re: Decision making...
Posted: Aug 14, 2009 3:09 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Vegas wedding bells are ringing.

When is my wedding
 

Next time a sunrise steals your breath or a meadow of flowers leaves you speechless, remain that way. Say nothing and listen as heaven whispers, "Do you like it? I did it just for you."

 http://brettandkayla.ourweddingday.com

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Decision making...
Posted: Aug 14, 2009 3:10 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Dear Mrs C,

Sometimes it's just good to fall back on tradition.

Traditionally, the brides gets married in her home town. She picks a date, OKs it with her FH, checks to see if the church is available, then they announce it.

People either accept or decline, according to their preference. She's happy with the acceptances, and says "oh gee too bad we'll miss having you there" to the declines.

A wedding in the bride's home town is much easier to plan, as she is not dealing long-distance with vendors.

We don't always have to be slaves to tradition, but sometimes it just makes a lot of sense and cuts through the crap.

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08divabride Posts : 832 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: Decision making...
Posted: Aug 14, 2009 3:59 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Grab your fiance by the hand, board a plane, go to Jamaica (JUST THE TWO OF YOU), get married, come home and have a welcome home celebration with family and friends. Oh and make sure pics are taken! Good luck trying to please everyone, as you are surely to go insane. My adivce, stop it!

 Lilypie - (8e8A)

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Decision making...
Posted: Aug 14, 2009 4:04 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

It sounds to me like a small wedding would be better for you. How about getting married in town hall and then having a small party afterwards? Or elope in Vegas!! ;) If none of that works and you really do want a traditional wedding then do what is best for you and your FH. Who really cares what everyone else thinks? lol If they can't make it to your wedding because of graduation, it's too cold, it's too far, no vacation time, then oh well. You tried the best you could and you can't please everyone. Good luck!
                              

 

Visit my wedding website http://www.mywedding.com/alanandjarlyn

Sign my guestbook!!! :)



 


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Stephorse Posts : 139 Registered: 1/31/08
Re: Decision making...
Posted: Aug 14, 2009 4:14 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

It's your day and you and your FH should be doing the decision making period. No one else's opinon matters and hopefully you'll only do this once, so you might as well do it the way you want. You don't want to look back on your wedding day saying I wish I had done this or done that.. The only reason someone else's opinon should matter is if they are paying for the wedding (like your parents or FH's parents) and even then you don't necessarily have to take their advice either! There will always be conflicts and people who are not happy, but it's your day and you should do it the way you want!

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NessaRae615 Posts : 675 Registered: 9/23/08
Re: Decision making...
Posted: Aug 14, 2009 4:15 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

I say its YOUR wedding and YOU have EVERY right to do whay YOU and your FH want to do. I know you said its important for FMIL to be there for FH, so why not pull up info on the destination you want it and what the typical weather is like there year round. Tell her you understand about the graduations, and they april-may of this year is not good, but look at the weather in maybe Sept. If she is still against it, I say have your wedding there, have it recorded, and have a reception at home where you first play the video and then you and FH enter in your wedding attire, hat way you get the best of both worlds (and you don't have to stress so much about who can come to Jamaca with you because they will be there at home!)

Just remember it is YOUR and FH's day, do what you WANT, and forget about everyone else. It will be wonderful no matter what you do!


 

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myra Posts : 5,555 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Decision making...
Posted: Aug 15, 2009 1:30 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

You know, you pretty much beat the same horse to death in your "Monster-in-Law" post, and you're going to get the same answers here. Choose a place and a date. Have consideration for others (in other words, Jamaica was a no-go), but don't let others manipulate every little decision you make. If you choose to discuss every little thing with everybody and her sister, then of course you're going to have a million opinions. In your circumstances, it seems sensible to have a smallish wedding, close to home (yours!), on a date of your choosing. Obviously, you're not going to schedule on someone else's wedding or graduation day. But, if someone's Aunt has a dentist's appointment--oh, well. Those who can come will; those who can't, won't. Then go to Jamaica and have a blast!!
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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FrancieElaine Posts : 655 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: Decision making...
Posted: Aug 15, 2009 10:11 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

When you said that you are a type A personality and you tend to be a perfectionist... I thought... "that is the problem right there". You are so worried everything won't be perfect that you are sabotaging everything? Just a guess. It just seems there are some underlying issues here. I don't think you are a bridezilla at all. I think you are just trying to have the perfect wedding.

Gentle hugs,

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

www.bride-whisperer.com

http://twitter.com/BrideWhispering

 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Decision making...
Posted: Aug 15, 2009 11:37 AM Go to message in response to: myra

Dear Myra,

"You know, you pretty much beat the same horse to death in your "Monster-in-Law" post, and you're going to get the same answers here. "

I was thinking the same thing myself. It's not Rocket Science.

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SweetSunset Posts : 159 Registered: 1/15/09
Re: Decision making...
Posted: Aug 15, 2009 12:17 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

First off, relax! Wedding planning is suppose to be fun! You're still over a year away anyway :)

Why are you listening to "everyone"? This is your wedding, not your FMIL, not your friends, not "everyone". They had their chance, and if they didn't like their wedding, well tell them to have a renewal ceremony anyway they want it :)
Now, if you arn't paying for the wedding soley by yourself, you might have to listen to the opinions of the payor. But if you are paying for the Wedding yourself, tell "everyone" to F*** off and leave you alone so you can think clearly enough to decide what you want.
Maybe hire a wedding planner too... :)

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Guest
Re: Decision making...
Posted: Aug 17, 2009 10:41 AM Go to message in response to: SweetSunset

Your right Myra and AOTB, I apologize for being such a neuscense and being frustrated with my situation. Next time I will think twice about coming to a WEDDING FORUM to vent my frustrations and talk with other brides..........

What the hell was I thinking.

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08divabride Posts : 832 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: Decision making...
Posted: Aug 17, 2009 11:04 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

MrsCox I think what they meant was having two posts about the same thing. Ultimately, it is up you and your FH when and where to get married. You can not please everybody. Bottom line.

 Lilypie - (8e8A)

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,862 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: Decision making...
Posted: Aug 17, 2009 11:13 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Why do you continue to drive yourself nuts over nothing? What is so difficult? Pick a date get married and screw all the naysayers.

You can not please everybody it isn't going to happen. You and your guy need to sit down and talk it out. Figure out what you two want. Once you know what you want tell everybody else. Then do what you need to do to make those plans happen.

If you continue to allow everybody to control you, you will never get married. Put a stick down shirt to help until you get your own backbone and do what need to be done. How can you possible have a successful marriage if you can't even make a simple decision now.

If you allow your FMIL to control you life now she will run your marriage later. It is hard enough to be married when there are only two people in the marriage add a third and you have a recipe for disaster.

FYI your FMIL is not the problem YOU are.


 

 

 

Kenny and me perfect together, 10 years and counting

Sucks to be you, So glad I am me

Proud Member of P.O.O.P,  People Offended by Offended People

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ToyToy09 Posts : 224 Registered: 6/3/09
Re: Decision making...
Posted: Aug 17, 2009 12:41 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Unless your FMIL is paying for the wedding, I don't see how she has that much 'say' about your wedding. If someone else is paying the tab, the decent thing to do is make sure that they are able to attend...OR you and your FH can pay for the wedding yourself and then the only people who have the right to request/change/alter your plans are you and and your FH. You guys may already be doing this and IF SO, pick a date, pick your colors, and stick with it.

Tell them the date that you picked out and if your wedding is important to you, they will come. If not, they won't. If you want a big wedding, don't pick a date that contradicts another big even unless you don't really care WHO shows up. You seem like a smart girl and I'm sure all of these ideas have crossed your mind at some point, but now its time to make your own decisions. You're about to get married for crying out loud. You need to be able to do that. Good luck to you and let us know when your wedding date is!
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