Wedding Date

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zimi61 Posts : 12 Registered: 8/8/09
Wedding Date
Posted: Aug 8, 2009 6:07 PM

My fiance and I need help picking a wedding date. We are planning to get married in 2011, but have a busy schedule getting in the way of the wedding.

Currently he is finishing his undergrad and in fall of 2011 plans to start law school. We've always wanted a fall wedding, but the timing couldn't be worse. We've considered moving it up to 2010, but that presents issues with affordability.

Right now we are torn between September 3 (Labor Day weekend, and possibly the weekend before his classes start), September 10 (my sister's birthday), September 17 (end of his second week of law school), or forget a fall wedding and do something earlier. If we have it in August we could still be competing with his school schedule (if he gets accepted to a school that starts earlier) and we wanted slightly cooler weather but not too cool because part of the reception will be outdoors.

So what should we do? Is it rude to ask people to give up most of their holiday weekend? Would it be worse to takeover my sister's birthday? If anyone has attended law school, do you feel like you could have taken time out to be in a wedding in the first weeks of your freshman year?

Maybe we're missing something, but any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks!

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Wedding Date
Posted: Aug 8, 2009 7:56 PM Go to message in response to: zimi61

Dear Zimi

As Kenny Rodgers said, you've gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run.

In other words, sometimes you just don't get what you want. (Rolling Stones)

How really important is a fall wedding to you in relation to your new husband being able to start law school with a clean slate? How about a honeymoon? How important is it to you to avoid a Labor Day weekend or your sister's birthday?

" If anyone has attended law school, do you feel like you could have taken time out to be in a wedding in the first weeks of your freshman year? "

You've got to be kidding.

I did not go to law school, but was in grad school when we got married. We got married, necessarily, in the summer because that was the time classes, discussion sections, labs, study groups, professor-directed seminars, etc., were NOT scheduled. Getting married at any time other than a school break time would have been very problematic.

Taking time out for a wedding and honeymoon in the first few weeks of grad school would have, pretty much, wrecked our grad school careers. Those are crucial times in orienting oneself to a new school and more intense study program. Many life-long relationships are forged in those first few weeks, and the professors form first impressions of students then. "I won't be there because we are getting married and have always wanted a fall wedding." will be taken as "I don't care about law school; I will put my own whims first.".

Another Guiding Principle of my own life is that people take precedence over things. It would be nice to have the fall wedding, but as you have said it's inconvenient for various people. I would put people first.

Here is my suggestion. Forget the fall wedding.

Get married in the summer, June July or early August 2011. Go on a honeymoon, relax, have a great time, then both gear up for law school in the following fall. A husband in law school is intense for both parties in the marriage. It will be especially stressful for you both as newlyweds.

Then, celebrate your anniversary in the fall from then on. The Queen of England was actually born in April, but her birthday is officially celebrated in June, because better weather is expected then. If it's good enough for the Queen, it's good enough for you. There's no law that says you have to actually celebrate your anniversary on the exact date. (Or exact month!)

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Wedding Date
Posted: Aug 8, 2009 8:51 PM Go to message in response to: zimi61

Zimi-

I have to agree with AOTB on this point. And I would like to add, as a bride who had DREAMED of a fall wedding, I got married in early August and don't regret it.

The fact is, you being married to your FH is your dream. Yes a fall wedding would be nice, but I'm sure that Law School is his dream that you support and will help support the two of you (and a family is you choose to have one in the future) and you don't want to jeopardize that in any way.

As a grad school attendee, getting married my first couple of weeks would have been very hard and set me back - I can't even imagine with Law School.

Personally I would have no problem with a Labor Day weekend wedding - just get the date out to your family in enough time, but then do not expect him to be able to go on a HM right after the wedding.

Honestly, it's a lot less about the season of your wedding and more about your day together - I think that if you both keep that in mind then you will not notice the season change.

Good luck!

 

 

 

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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: Wedding Date
Posted: Aug 8, 2009 9:11 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Hi - I graduated law school last year. DON'T have the wedding the first or second week of law school. Your FH will be overwhelmed in more ways than one. He'll have a ton of reading, he'll feel behind, he'll have just met a million new people, etc, etc. The last thing I would have wanted to do the first week of law school is deal even remotely with all the extra stress I've had in the past couple weeks (see ticker below). I can't imagine dealing with the start of law school and the week before my wedding.

On a less stress based note, the beginning of law school is also a super fun time to meet new people and hang out with your new classmates. I feel like everyone got together on the Friday after the first week of classes at a local bar to unwind and freak out. I feel like it wouldn't be fun to miss that.

I don't think August weddings are so bad. It wasn't when FH and I had originally planned to have it, but it's really worked well for us because "everyone" is on vacation in August, so a lot of people who thought they wouldn't be able to make it are able to come to our wedding.

Anyway, I've run out of steam. But I say that it would be not fun.

 

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Wedding Date
Posted: Aug 8, 2009 9:40 PM Go to message in response to: zimi61

we wanted slightly cooler weather but not too cool because part of the reception will be outdoors

The others are right--you'll have to be flexible, to accomodate your FH's schooling. There's no way that he should be thinking about getting married and starting law school at practically the same time. You can't control whether he's starting school, you can't control when your sister's birthday occurs, and you certainly can't control the weather. What you CAN control is the date you choose and how you set up your wedding.Worried about heat? And what would you do if there's rain? Go inside and turn on the air conditioning!
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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zimi61 Posts : 12 Registered: 8/8/09
Re: Wedding Date
Posted: Aug 8, 2009 11:34 PM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

Thanks for the response karebeartg. (I appreciate them all, but I really like hearing from someone with personal experience).

As such, at this point based on everyone's comments, what about the Labor Day weekend date (september 3)? It would be the weekend before school starts(hopefully), and we weren't planning on taking a honeymoon until winter break anyway, but would that even be too close?

I know one person said they were alright with holiday weekend weddings, I'd like to know if that's common or not.

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: Wedding Date
Posted: Aug 9, 2009 4:35 AM Go to message in response to: zimi61

I don't know if this is a possibility, but would he maybe be able to take that fall semester off and start in the winter? I never went to law school, but from my experience with just college in general, if your going to miss, it's usually easier to miss at the beginning than in the middle and end when your finishing up major assignments or have tests going on. Would an October wedding be easier?

For Labor Day weekend, people do it, but I would send out Save The Dates because a lot of people plan vacations that time. I guess it would just depend on your guestlist and how your guests would feel about it. I personally wouldn't mind, we really don't go out of town that weekend so it's not like it would affect anything, but my parents go out of town every labor day weekend so people like them, they might not be able to attend.

As for your sisters birthday, just think of how you would feel if she got married on your birthday? I would talk to her and see what she says. I think it would be an honor in a way, but then again she'd be sharing her birthday with your wedding, well actually her birthday wouldn't compare to your wedding, so would she be OK with giving her birthday to you for your wedding day?

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Wedding Date
Posted: Aug 9, 2009 10:26 AM Go to message in response to: zimi61

Dear Zimi,

If the Labor Day weekend works best for you, then just set your date and let the "must-invite" people know. They will work it out.

I do think you are living dangerously, though. You mentioned in your first message that your FH might be accepted to a school that starts classes in late August. If you set Labor Day as your date, then he gets into a school that starts in late August, you're still screwed.

I have two suggestions. First, make a list of the schools to which he might apply. Include lots of places - dream school, safe school, and all in between. Then, go down that last and look up their websites. See when each start classes for the 2009-10 school year. Then, make an informed decision.

Next suggestion: I'm back to the get married earlier in the summer idea. You say you'd take a honeymoon later in the year, perhaps winter break. It's really nicer to go on the honeymoon immediately following the ceremony. This is something you would have to give up by sticking with your fall wedding plan.

Besides, where I live, Labor Day can be just as hot, sticky and muggy as mid-July.

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MrsM2009 Posts : 422 Registered: 3/16/08
Re: Wedding Date
Posted: Aug 9, 2009 11:07 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsDJLeo

DJLeo - starting law school in the winter is generally not an option. At every law school I looked at there is a set first year curriculum, and students are generally put into a group of students who have all first year classes together. For example, at Georgetown we had about 500 first year students divided into 5 "sections" of about 100 students. I took all of my first year classes, with the exception of one elective, with the 100 students in my section. It's not like college where you can just start mid-year and create a schedule that fills whatever classes you missed during first semester. Kare - chime in if you disagree, but I've never heard of a school that does it any other way.

To the OP, I agree completely with Kare - getting married during the first few weeks of law school would have been a nightmare. Think about how you might have felt getting married during the first few weeks of college, then amp the stress factor by 10. You're in a new place, meeting a ton of new people, and getting used to an entirely different style of learning. People generally walk in already feeling completely overwelmed and behind (of course you aren't, but everyone feels this way!!). It would be an all around bad idea. I know two or three people who got married during law school (none in the first few weeks, but during my second and third year), and the general opinion was that they must be certifiably insane. I also agree on the fun factor - I met people who are now some of my best friends doing those first de-stressor bar nights in law school!

Also, since you don't know where he'll be going, you don't know what professors he might have and what their absence policies will be. The general ABA rule is that a professor is required to fail you if you miss more than 2 classes per semester (though obviously some don't keep track or care!). I presume that even if you're not taking a honeymoon, he'd need a few days off. Also, most law schools REQUIRE first year students to attend orientation for a few days to a week before classes start.

For the record, FH and I got engaged during his second year of law school and my third, but waited to get married until we had both graduated and taken the bar because there was no time during those two years that planning a wedding seemd like a good idea! He just took the bar two weeks ago, and we're getting married in two weeks.

I agree with the other posters who have suggested considering a wedding earlier in the summer. If there's a chance he'll already be in school with any of the dates you chose, then I just think the stress factor completely and totally outweighs having a September wedding. Another option, if you're planning on taking your honeymoon during winter break anyway, is to just get married during winter break. If you're a student as well this could be a bad idea, as you'd be mixing finals with the last stages of wedding planning, which could be disasterous. But if you're ok with doing the last minute stuff without him and only he'll be in school, this could work out.
P.O.O.P. - People Offended by Offended People

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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: Wedding Date
Posted: Aug 9, 2009 12:18 PM Go to message in response to: MrsM2009

OP, I'm glad my post helped.

I came back to totally agree with FutureMrsM. My law school had 270 students, split into 3 sections. We took ALL our classes together (except for one class where we were split in half again) the entire first year. Obviously, some of my closest friends came from there, since we had the same professors, homework, etc. More importantly though, I think that's VERY typical for law schools - you can't start mid-year. Even if you could, I wouldn't recommend it. I think for as odd an experience as the first year of law school, you want to be going through it with as many people as possible at the same time.

I don't think my law school held fast (or maybe even had?) the rule about missing two classes, but I know missing them at the start of the semester could get you dropped from classes.

Personally, I'd get married before he even starts law school. (Assuming you're not interested in waiting until he graduates). The entire first year of law school is a giant ball of stress (with some fun times thrown in, but even so). He may have deadlines for his legal writing class mid-semester (which sucked. I literally sat in my room for an entire week other than to walk down to the kitchen to get leftovers my non-law school roommate brought home for me when my big paper was due for the class). And the end of the semester will have finals, cramming and hours of outlining.

Wow, this post was great for me. I'd been missing school. Now, I think I don't anymore.

 

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MrsM2009 Posts : 422 Registered: 3/16/08
Re: Wedding Date
Posted: Aug 9, 2009 1:01 PM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

Haha - this made me not look to fondly back on law school either! It definitely was a period of ups and downs....

I just came back to add that, after thinking about it, I actually would be surprised if most places he was considering DIDN'T require him to start school before labor day weekend, at least for an orientation. Most schools start classes the last week in august/first week in september, not the third or fourth week in september. I just pulled up 2009-2010 calendars for a few schools, and all start 1L orientation the last week in August (one actually started orientation on August 14!). 2010-2011 and 2011-2012 calendars aren't even available yet, but I think the late august start is pretty standard, unless you're at one of those weird schools that does trimesters! The only school I could come up with that has a late September start date is University of Chicago, which has a weird "quarter" system.

I still say a June, July, or early August wedding would be much more sensible on your part!
P.O.O.P. - People Offended by Offended People

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zimi61 Posts : 12 Registered: 8/8/09
Re: Wedding Date
Posted: Aug 9, 2009 3:02 PM Go to message in response to: MrsM2009

Thanks again Karebear and Mrs.M.

I looked at his possible school's schedules before I originally posted so I could see where he might end up schedule-wise. In MN public schools aren't allowed to start sessions until after Labor Day. His goal is to go to the U of M, it's where he goes now, plus they're the best law school in the state. The rest are private schools and so therefore start earlier. However, he would have orientations two weeks prior to Labor Day weekend at the U, but not the week before. (A moot point though if he ends up going to a private school)

We would like to get married before he starts law school because we know he won't have time for it in between, and we will have hit our ten year anniversary by then, so it's sort of something we don't want to put off any longer.

With regards to orientations (again I know it's a moot point if he gets into private school) do you think there would be too much conflict with time prior to school and the wedding with them?

How far in advance after he's taken his LSAT can/should he apply for law school?

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brownegirl Posts : 523 Registered: 10/14/08
Re: Wedding Date
Posted: Aug 9, 2009 3:43 PM Go to message in response to: zimi61

Hi, I just got married in July. DH and I had always wanted to get married in December, on or close to our dating anniversary, this year will be ten years. The fact of the matter is that December was not a good time for us in the end. I have a lot of vacation time in July and it came in really handy with setting up our final meetings and so on for the wedding. Sometimes we don't get the wedding date of our dreams, it happens. Choose the time that is best for FH and you, that will cause minimal stress.

Good luck.
That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger. Innocent

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korvix Posts : 1 Registered: 8/9/09
Re: Wedding Date
Posted: Aug 9, 2009 6:24 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride


I have to agree with AOTB on this point. And I would like to add, as a
bride who had DREAMED of a fall wedding, I got married in early August
and don't regret it.

The fact is, you being married to your FH is your dream. Yes a fall
wedding would be nice, but I'm sure that Law School is his dream that
you support and will help support the two of you (and a family is you
choose to have one in the future) and you don't want to jeopardize that
in any way.

Reply


karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: Wedding Date
Posted: Aug 9, 2009 6:57 PM Go to message in response to: zimi61

Orientation is probably a school-to-school thing. My orientation was really only one day, so it wouldn't make any difference at all.

I feel like I took the LSAT in the summand applied to law schools the following September/October/November. In terms of admissions and applying, it's a lot like the SAT. I would recommend taking it in the summer before you plan to apply. There's another testing in October, so he'd have an option of re-taking it if it didn't go so hot.

I'd also recommend taking at least a weekend course. I took a weekend course about 2 weeks prior to the test and I think it helped me a lot (particularly in the logic games section - there were about 6 patterns to the questions and it was much easier when I could recognize them).

 

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